The "JOY" of Relationships

This has been a difficult week, at best. Robert and I have been at odds over a number of things and the tension just seems to grow.
He is finally getting over having pneuonia and getting his strength back and I think that has something to do with the way things have been. Yes, we've had problems in the past but this time it has been worse.

To do a quick sum of what is happening - what it comes down to is, if things aren't his way or I don't do things the way he suggest, then I'm being defensive. If I try to explain why I did or didn't, it is just an excuse.

OKay - there has been a slight delay in the typing of my blog. Some of you may know that awhile back that I was "seeing" things. Well, come to find out that the mouse that I thought I saw one day is really, real. I know that because while I was typing something ran across the floor and I was: oh shit, here we go again. But this time, I got up and went and looked. Very carefully. I moved the couch out and there looking up at me was a little mouse face. Now what to do because I don't know how to catch it and if I do it will stay trapped somehow until Robert comes over and takes care of it.
The real "fun" - how do I sleep tonight knowing that there is a mouse running around in the house?

Now - back to the featured show.

On the subject of being defensive, Robert has a habit of saying things with a very stern, harsh voice. I have asked him not to do that and to try and say things differently, but he hasn't. I informed him, that how he says things makes me go on the defensive.
He has asked me to not raise my voice when we are having a discussion and I do all that I can to make sure I don't do that. In that regard, I have asked him to try and say what he feels he needs to differently. If I can try, then he should be able to. He finally agreed to trying.
I am not asking for the world, just what is fair in a relationship. I have told him it is not always what he says but how he says it.

He hasn't been around much which always gets to me. I understand that he hasn't been feeling great and is on the road to recovery. When I don't feel well, I like to be alone. So I understand to some degree him not coming over.
He also says that everyone sometimes need their own space and I also agree with that. What I don't agree with is needing almost 2 weeks of your own space.
He says he is also trying to keep his stress level down. My response was, so I'm raising your stress level. He tells me no - I have a hard time with that. Though Pam tells me that guys get stressed out just from being in a relationship.
I'm just trying to keep an open mind.

Another good one is: he tells me he doesn't feel that I respect a man when it comes to being in a relationship and having someone around and helping me.
He says this because I've lived alone for so long.
I told him he is wrong. I also told him that he hasn't given me a chance. He doesn't spend that much time here when he does come around so I don't understand how he can judge how I would react when he is around more.

He has told me that he doesn't feel we could pack things in the house at the same time. That we would do things differently. This, though we have never tried. If we haven't given it a chance how does he know it won't work.

I have explained both sides of everything to Pam. I am trying to be as fair as I can about all of this. It doesn't do me any good if Pam doesn't know everything.

Pam's take on it: he's the guy and he want's to have the upper hand in the relationship and when I don't do what he wants or what he feels I should be doing, he calls that being defensive. If he is looking for someone who will do what he says he has the wrong person.
I will not let Robert or anyone take away my voice or my choices in life. He will either need to adjust to that, if that is what is going on or things will never work out.

He does get credit for admitting he does need therapy (a guy who admits he should be in therapy - very rare). The thing is he has crappy insurance and can't afford to go.
He loses that credit when he comes back with, I'm lucky that I've had the benefit of therapy. True, I'm lucky but I really didn't have a choice. Without therapy, I'm not sure where I would be or if I would be. I would have had to find therapy some way, some how if I was going to survive life.

I could go on and on but I'll spare you. It's enough to say that things have been tense between us lately but we are going to try again. There needs to be some give and take on both sides. I believe he feels it is all my "fault" and I am the one who needs to change, I told him we both need to make changes.

I would also like to have both of us write down what we feel a relationship should be and compare what we list to see how close we are.

Time to make something to eat - and watch for the mouse.

Oh bother.....

Putting off Ironing!

What I should be doing right now is ironing. I just can't get myself to do it right now. I've been "decluttering", otherwise known as packing so I can get my house on the market. This is otherwise made fun by the pain in my knee that just gets worse during the day by the more that I do. The thing is, I haven't figured out how to get things done without doing them myself. Yup, I can ask for help but that help is not always around when I am ready to do things so I find it easier to do it myself - except for the pain. I've been icing it and putting heat on it and it doesn't seem to matter. What helps the most is just staying off of it but I find it difficult to get things done around the house without walking.

Today is one of those days that I wish I had already moved and was in NC. Who needs 2 feet, yes 2 feet of snow! Not I, and I'm sure not a lot of other people. The only good thing about the snow is I was forced to be inside all so I did get a lot done. Oh yea - the bad thing is the pain.

The offer is still out there for any of you who have extra time on your hands to help me pack. Just bring some boxes with you.
Also, the china is still here so if you know anyone who might want it, let me know.
There is a dresser in the basement and a hutch that I am willing to part with. I have been using the bottom part of the hutch but the top part is in the basement. The glass on one of the doors needs to be replaced but otherwise it is in good shape.

I may be willing to part with other items. In the long run it just might be cheaper to buy once we move since the cost to move is done by weight and some of what I have is heavy furniture.

All I know is I will be happy when the "decluttering" part of the packing is done and the house can go on the market. I know I will have to keep the house clean but trying to get everything cleaned out but keeping enough stuff out to live is a task that sucks at times.

Well, the clothes still need to be ironed. No one has done them for me. So, I will hobble over and get that chores done before I lose the very last bit of energy I have.

Now - to wait for the warm-up this week so the 2 feet of snow will melt.

Where does the time go?

Already it's Feb. 1st. How did that happen? Wasn't it just yesterday that it was the first of the new year? Where does the time go and why does it have to go by so fast?

I have started packing/decluttering and sometimes I think there will never be an end to how much stuff there is in this house. Of course there is 20 years of stuff to go through. I am attempting and so far I am actualling accomplishing this - do some cleaning/packing every day no matter how little or how much. I figure if I take one day off, that will lead to another and another and .... you get the picture.

Just like everyone, I have things in my house that I don't use or need.
There is a long dresser (yes Bernie, it is the one from the apartment in Hartford) in my basement that I am willing to give away. There are other pieces of furniture that I am probably willing to part with. I also have a set of China (either 6 or 8 place settings), that I have never used and don't ever plan on using. If you know anyone who wants these items let me know. Arrangements can be made for someone to pick them up. Cost: best offer.

Oh and just a little humor for anyone who has ever been on call for work.
Last night a production job abended. The command center at work called the beeper but the person who was on call never uses it because he is always at home and will always answer the phone. Well, somehow his phone number in the call list got changed so when they called him, they obviously didn't get him.
As they are suppose to, they called the next person on call. She has just been added to the call list and I'm her "buddy". Well since she wasn't on call and was just backup to the person on call, her phone was not in her bedroom so when she got called - she didn't hear her phone ring. Being next in line, they called me but when I go into a sound sleep, there is no waking me. The phone maybe 3 feet from my head rang long enough for them to leave a message. They proceeded to call the next person on the list who at least answered his phone but didn't know how to correct the problem so he called someone who could help him. The decision - force complete the job and wait until normal work hours to fix the problem.
I noticed the job abened when we received the "hang report" email. Then I checked my voice mail at home.
The funny part of all this is - we are going to be switching from a beeper to a cell phone for on call. I keep telling them I can sleep through a ringing phone but this is what they want to do.

The good news, I may never have to get up in the middle of the night again.