The Passing of a Good Man

Wayne passed away on Sunday, the day after Patricks' birthday. Eileen told me that for the last couple of days that Wayne was alive he didn't have any blood pressure but he kept breathing.

Wayne had Alzheimers (sp). It would have been 10 years this June. He was so full of life before he got sick and he was so young. He was only 63 when he passed away. The disease started slow but picked up speed and it took over his body fast. Wayne was not Wayne. He was locked inside himself and couldn't get out. It was so unfair, the disease is so unfair. It had been touch and go for him for awhile now.
Eileen kept him at home and took care of him. She would never consider putting him in a home. She has a heart of gold and the strength that surpasses anyone else that I know. Besides taking care of her husband as he declined, she ran a home daycare and took in foster kids (female teenagers). She didn't do it all alone, her sister lives with her and has helped her out.

Patrick has just turned 20 and like anyone else has had a difficult time over the years adjusting to what was happening to his father. He has adjusted. I think he learned to accept what, in the end was going to happen no matter what. He has written a couple of poems that I haven't had a chance to read yet but I will. He has some deep thoughts and good insights. When his grandmother passed away he wrote a poem for her expressing his feelings and it was excellent.

I read tonight a writing done by Waynes' granddaughter. She was 9 when he got sick and she didn't get it and didn't want to talk about it. The writing talked about her feelings through her years. How she didn't want to talk about it or accept it. How she learned more about what was happening. How she was angry and thought she was the only one. It went on for a full page that was typed. I hadn't cried until I read this. What she wrote, what she had inside was beautiful. She got it, she understood that her grandpa was a peace but he wasn't really gone.

Eileen and Wayne have been a part of my life about 17 1/2 years. They are just like family. Just ask Becky, she is family. She can come and go as she pleases in that house and no one thinks anything of it. She has worked for Eileen over the summer once she was too old to be one of the "day care kids".

I have to question in the big picture of life, what is Gods' plan to take the life out of a man that has so much to give. Sure, it taught a lot of people about a terrible disease and that people can rally together and love each other to pull through and go on. But why take someone so good, with so much to give to others, with so many who love him? Why is it always the good that have to go, that have to suffer?

I don't understand. I don't think I will ever understand.

Must be one of the top 10 Tacky B-day cards!

My birthday is just around the corner and even though I don't talk to my family and I've made it clear to them I don't want anything to do with them, my "sister" and "father" feel they must send cards for my b-day and Christmas.

I received a card from my "sister" today. Probably one of the better cards she sent since it was very plain and if she would have just left it at that, all she would have done was waste her money one more time. I have yet to figure out why they keep sending cards when they know I don't want any contact.

I guess she figured as long as she was going to spend the $.39 to mail the stupid card she may as well pass along some "family" news. Now, even before I distanced myself from my so called family, this family excluded my "sister" and I from just about every event that happened since my parents separated and were divorced. And if it didn't happen right away, it did happen over time. So except for a select few, there was no closeness with the "family" before I put the distance in place.

That being said, written in the b-day card from my "sister" was the following (and I am quoting this):

'And I wish to let you know that Aunt Imelda's son Michael died ...Cancer, and cousin Delphis' son Richard has been in CCU at Windham ... basically a cold turned into pneumonia.'

I had an uncle who passed away a few months ago, my "father" called to tell me. I didn't bother to ask why no one bother to tell me he was sick. Again, no one told me Michael was sick, but thought I should know he "died". I suppose I was told about Richard only because the bitch was sending a card anyway.

I hardly remember some of these people and some I don't remember at all. Yes, I feel bad that they have passed but they haven't been a part of my life and it has no impact - though I guess some feel it should.

So as I wait for the next unwanted b-day card to show up, I'll have to wonder if that will contain any news that I don't care about.

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