Robert stopped by this morning. It seems he has been trying to call me since Wednesday and hasn't been able to get in touch with me. Now, I haven't received any calls from him on my cell phone but he did say his phone was acting up some. I called him on Wednesday and he said he called me back 20 minutes later but I didn't get the call. As much as I didn't try to do this, maybe now he knows what it feels like not to have someone answer his calls for days on end. Maybe it did him some good.
He asked how I was and I gave him the standard answer of I was managing and doing as best as I could be with everything going on. But that wasn't what he really wanted to hear. I asked if he had time to sit and talk for awhile and he did. I didn't have a lot of time since there was a showing at 10:30 and I had things to get done.
I started by telling him, it was about the same old things I always bring up but with us talking about moving together we needed to discuss them.
I explained to him that I didn't feel like I was in a relationship. Maybe because of the move but something needs to be done because if things are going to be the way they are now, we aren't going to move together. I can't move and bring a relationship that isn't going to work. I reminded him that I can't do everything by myself, yet that is what I've been doing, including moving things I shouldn't be. And I've been working at night. As far as being more open with him, I told him when I feel like talking he is not around, so I'll write and when he does come over, it just doesn't matter any more. I don't want to bring things up any more - what's the point. I told him that if we are going to move together, that I need to see things start to change now, I need to know before moving that we really have a relationship. I can't wait to find out after we move if things are going to work or not.
Some of what he said - cause some of it is still working through my mind.
He said we are both leader type people. He also told me I am stubborn. Yeah, okay I know this but there are ways to approach things which make it so I won't be so stubborn. I reminded him that instead of telling me what he wants done around the house or how he wants things, he needs to suggest and we need to talk about it. The minute he tells me to do something, I'm not going to do it.
With having to show the house, it is a lot cleaner then it has ever been. Actually it doesn't feel like a home at all right now. He told me, he thought I turned around about keeping the house cleaner when he saw it all cleaned up. So, I explained to him, what it was missing - pictures on the wall, knick knacks - things that make it a home. And I didn't clean it because of anything that he said.
Now the one thing that can kill any relationship is money problems and Robert is having his and I'm doing things around the house and trying to pay down the credit card that I put that work on. So, that doesn't help much. When he has something to work on, he pretty much stays to himself and focuses on the problem he needs to take care of. This means that he will spend less time here.
He also decided that he needs to work on getting his things done and I need to work on getting my things done around the house, instead of trying to work together. This meant that we really didn't spend much time together at all and when we did, it really was relaxed time.
I am constantly bringing up that we need to do some fun things. He said that he knows I would like to do things but they cost money and of course that is an issue. I told him, there are things we can do that don't cost a lot of money, even go for a ride. All work and no play. I think he understands this one.
I told him we both need to work together and compromise on things.
He said that he is a fault for not spending enough time here and being here for me.
The ball is in his court so to speak. He knows where things stand. I didn't actually come out and tell him that I would move without him but I did tell him that I couldn't move and bring a relationship that I didn't feel wasn't really there.
I refuse to put myself in a situation of a bad relationship and move to a new place.
I think this time he really listened to me and it sunk in. Somehow the thought of us not moving together might have hit home with him.
When I first brought up the subject of "would things be different when we moved", he said he felt the honestly would. Then I told him that I needed to see it before it we moved. Sometimes a little harsh reality has to hit us before we are willing to open up our eyes to what someone else really needs.
Tomorrow (Sunday), there are a couple of showings and he told me that he was going to come by and pick me up. I have no idea what we are going to do and I don't really care. The point is, he is taking the time to spend time with me when he has other things to do (study for some class at work). I know he will be attentive for awhile what I need to wait and see is, if he works on carrying through with this from now on.