Okay, I just couldn't resist the title line.
I finally heard from Robert this morning. I think, only because I sent him a text last night telling him, he needed to watch the minutes on the cell phone. Otherwise, I'm not sure he would have called me. And, I am not calling him at this point because I just can't do it right now.
He said, do I really have to watch the minutes? I said yes, I've been talking to Maggie and they don't have Verizon anymore. They are on Sprint. He asked if it was cheaper and if a couple of others were. I said I didn't know but I wouldn't even think of switching until the contract was up. But, what he was getting at and said, all had to do with saving money. Not his problem at this point.
When he called I asked how he was doing. He said he was alright. I said are you really alright, and he said yes. Compared to stuff others are going through, he is. I said, so it's all relative.
He asked if I was picking on him and I told him no. It's know different than me saying I'm okay at therapy and my T knows better. Based on everything going on, I'm doing okay - it's all relative. I didn't ask him what was going on. I am at the point where, if he wants me to know, he should be telling me. I shouldn't have to drag it out of him.
He also made a point of saying (and I don't remember his exact words), that I sounded like I wasn't all there (meaning I was distant). He did it as a question. I said, you are asking the obvious, you already know the answer.
He was at work but he wasn't working. He said he feels most at peace when he is around cars. I told him he needs to find something else to do with his life besides working on cars.
He can't rely on cars and me to be his life.
Speaking of cars - I went to Midas yesterday afternoon for an oil change. My first since I moved here. HA - an oil change is never an oil change. I left to the tune of $363. That's what I get for waiting so long. My next oil change will include changing the valve cover gasket. I can't wait!
On a good note: I saw my nutritionist on Thursday and I've lost 7 pounds and lost 1 1/2 inches around my waist in a month. It was the first time I actually wanted to get on a scale.
The town of Leland is starting a Citizen's Police Academy to inform citizens more of what they do. I am sending in my application and I'll see what happens. They only take 25 people. And they do a background check. I hope there are no "skeletons" in my closet that they find (lol).
Well, that is about it for now. More to come as there is more to share.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
The latest news
It's been awhile since my last update and it's time to let you know what's been happening.
I know I haven't posted any pictures from Becky's vacation and I'll try to get to it but there are no promises. We had a great time and I was tired by the time she went home.
My friend Maggie has been having some major medical problems lately. She has had a terrible pain on the side of her face. She thought it was because of her teeth. She had her teeth taken care of but the pain persisted. They finally figured out what was going on. She has a condition called Trigeminal Neuralgia. It has to do with the nerves that run from the brain and they hit up against the blood vessels. There are up to 3 nerves that are involved and in her case it is all 3 nerves.
They have her on some big time medications. She is loopy, she is so doped up. She can't drive, she can barely do anything.
If the medications don't work, they can try and injection to block the nerve or do surgery. Right now they can't do anything because she has a kidney infection.
Before they do either the injection or surgery, they need to do an MRI to rule out a brain tumor.
That is scheduled for next week.
They are also doing test to make sure she doesn't have MS. This can also cause the condition she has.
And just in case her husband Charlie wasn't enough of an insensitive jerk, he signed them both up to be on a committee to represent their district. And the worst part is, it has to be a husband and wife team. He didn't ask her, he just did it. She is not at all happy about this.
We figure he did this just to make it harder for her to leave when she is able to.
I told her, don't let this stop you from leaving. She needs to take care of herself.
Oh and I have some good news. I started seeing a nutritionist a month ago and I went for my first follow up visit today. I have lost 7 pounds and 1 1/2 inches around my waist. And that's with very little exercise. I am excited.
I am sending the information that I have to Maggie so she can work with Ryan on getting him to eat better and have a variety of foods. My nutritionist even gave me a "fast food guide" that I can send to them. Maggie will also share the information with Tracey because she needs to lose some weight.
On the subject of Robert. I have no idea what he is doing right now. I haven't heard from him since Tuesday morning.
We talked some on Sunday. I asked him, "what do you have left to do before you will be able to move?"
First he started to tell me some things he was trying to do in order to get his bills paid. When he finished, I told him, that was nice but could he now answer my question - what did he have left to do? He is great at not directly answering my question.
So, this time he answers:
He has a student loan that he is paying off and he has car taxes to be paid off. This has been on going for a while. We all know that dealing with the town hall and trying to get things cleared up can be frustrating but he has been draging this out. He needs to go down to the town hall and get a print out of his account and check it against the payments he has made. He just hasn't been proactive in doing this.
When we spoke on Tuesday morning, he said they didn't have a lot to do at work and he would probably get out early. I told him it would be a good time to go get the information about the taxes. His response was, if I remember.
Back to Sunday - I said to him, so, when you get the taxes cleared up, you will be able to move and pay the other bills once you move.
He says, what other bills (being slightly defensive)? I said your student loan and whatever other bills you have.
I didn't come away from that conversion with a real good feeling.
Once we finished that conversation, he said can I ask my question now. I said sure. I was expecting some serious type question. He has been grilling me for a couple of weeks.
His question was: am I still going to buy the bed? I said, yeah but not until the bills are paid down. I'm not taking on any more debt.
To me, the new bed isn't that important. Obviously to him it is.
I have a bunch of other things to talk with him about but I figured it would be best to do them one at a time but it doesn't look like he is going to give me the chance any time soon.
So there it is - what's been happening in my life. More to follow soon.
I know I haven't posted any pictures from Becky's vacation and I'll try to get to it but there are no promises. We had a great time and I was tired by the time she went home.
My friend Maggie has been having some major medical problems lately. She has had a terrible pain on the side of her face. She thought it was because of her teeth. She had her teeth taken care of but the pain persisted. They finally figured out what was going on. She has a condition called Trigeminal Neuralgia. It has to do with the nerves that run from the brain and they hit up against the blood vessels. There are up to 3 nerves that are involved and in her case it is all 3 nerves.
They have her on some big time medications. She is loopy, she is so doped up. She can't drive, she can barely do anything.
If the medications don't work, they can try and injection to block the nerve or do surgery. Right now they can't do anything because she has a kidney infection.
Before they do either the injection or surgery, they need to do an MRI to rule out a brain tumor.
That is scheduled for next week.
They are also doing test to make sure she doesn't have MS. This can also cause the condition she has.
And just in case her husband Charlie wasn't enough of an insensitive jerk, he signed them both up to be on a committee to represent their district. And the worst part is, it has to be a husband and wife team. He didn't ask her, he just did it. She is not at all happy about this.
We figure he did this just to make it harder for her to leave when she is able to.
I told her, don't let this stop you from leaving. She needs to take care of herself.
Oh and I have some good news. I started seeing a nutritionist a month ago and I went for my first follow up visit today. I have lost 7 pounds and 1 1/2 inches around my waist. And that's with very little exercise. I am excited.
I am sending the information that I have to Maggie so she can work with Ryan on getting him to eat better and have a variety of foods. My nutritionist even gave me a "fast food guide" that I can send to them. Maggie will also share the information with Tracey because she needs to lose some weight.
On the subject of Robert. I have no idea what he is doing right now. I haven't heard from him since Tuesday morning.
We talked some on Sunday. I asked him, "what do you have left to do before you will be able to move?"
First he started to tell me some things he was trying to do in order to get his bills paid. When he finished, I told him, that was nice but could he now answer my question - what did he have left to do? He is great at not directly answering my question.
So, this time he answers:
He has a student loan that he is paying off and he has car taxes to be paid off. This has been on going for a while. We all know that dealing with the town hall and trying to get things cleared up can be frustrating but he has been draging this out. He needs to go down to the town hall and get a print out of his account and check it against the payments he has made. He just hasn't been proactive in doing this.
When we spoke on Tuesday morning, he said they didn't have a lot to do at work and he would probably get out early. I told him it would be a good time to go get the information about the taxes. His response was, if I remember.
Back to Sunday - I said to him, so, when you get the taxes cleared up, you will be able to move and pay the other bills once you move.
He says, what other bills (being slightly defensive)? I said your student loan and whatever other bills you have.
I didn't come away from that conversion with a real good feeling.
Once we finished that conversation, he said can I ask my question now. I said sure. I was expecting some serious type question. He has been grilling me for a couple of weeks.
His question was: am I still going to buy the bed? I said, yeah but not until the bills are paid down. I'm not taking on any more debt.
To me, the new bed isn't that important. Obviously to him it is.
I have a bunch of other things to talk with him about but I figured it would be best to do them one at a time but it doesn't look like he is going to give me the chance any time soon.
So there it is - what's been happening in my life. More to follow soon.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Vacation - so far
Becky is down this week and we have been keeping busy. Of course my shop-a-holic has been shopping. She has finally found an Easter outfit that she can also wear to mulitple functions so she is happy. And I'm happy because we don't have to go from store to store looking for something for her to wear.
Monday we went to the Aquarium at Fort Fisher. It's been years since either of us have been to an Aquarium. We had fun and we say many types of fish and other water creatures. I'll add some picutres to a later post since I'm going to have to decide which ones I want to use.
Tuesday we didn't do much. We attempted to find the Bird Sanctuary in town but we couldn't locate it, so we just ended up taking a ride since I had a doctors appt. at 2. I was suppose to Tutor but my Student called and he had to work late. This of course excited Becky since that meant we could go shopping earlier.
Also on Tuesday, Becky's ex-boyfriend called, they talk all the time, and his grandfather passed away. When I got her up on Wednesday, she was talking about going to Florida to be with him. He had told her Tuesday night, that he wished she was there. She was determined to go and be with him and she didn't know what to do since I wasn't happy that she was willing to just up and leave. She called and talked to her brother Jay and he told her, if she felt that strongly about him that she should go. That didn't make me any happier.
She of course still needed to find out what her ex wanted. I decided it was a good time to go out and get gas and run a couple of errands when he called her back.
Well, to make a long story short, he told her not to bother coming down because he was going to be busy. Not with funeral plans mind you because they were going to cremate his grandfather and they weren't holding any type of service. But he was going to be out doing things.
That made me happy but for a while there, I wasn't very happy - I was ready to call my T to see if she had any openings.
Disaster avoided. We then finished getting ready and went out to a very small winery - and I mean small. And after that we went to the beach. We must have stayed there a little over an hour.
We came back home, had something to eat and Becky went shopping. Yup, she can find her way into Wilmington in order to get to JCPenney and the small mall.
Today, we will take a ride to the beach. I need to be home for a Dentist appt at 4 and we'll decide what we want to do afterwards.
On Friday we are going to take the Ferry to Southport. We could actually get there faster by driving but the fun of it all is going over in the Ferry. I have no appts so we have the whole.
On Saturday, she doesn't leave until around 4:30. In the morning we are going to take a Hollywood walking tour and she will get to see where they film 'One Tree Hill'.
I think I will sleep when I return from dropping her off at the airport.
Sunday, I will need to go grocery shopping which now becomes somewhat easier but still a chore I hate. I went to see the nutritionist this week and she help me put together meals for the week. Now I need to make sure I have everything I need to make those meals.
Another update after Becky goes home and I've rested.
Monday we went to the Aquarium at Fort Fisher. It's been years since either of us have been to an Aquarium. We had fun and we say many types of fish and other water creatures. I'll add some picutres to a later post since I'm going to have to decide which ones I want to use.
Tuesday we didn't do much. We attempted to find the Bird Sanctuary in town but we couldn't locate it, so we just ended up taking a ride since I had a doctors appt. at 2. I was suppose to Tutor but my Student called and he had to work late. This of course excited Becky since that meant we could go shopping earlier.
Also on Tuesday, Becky's ex-boyfriend called, they talk all the time, and his grandfather passed away. When I got her up on Wednesday, she was talking about going to Florida to be with him. He had told her Tuesday night, that he wished she was there. She was determined to go and be with him and she didn't know what to do since I wasn't happy that she was willing to just up and leave. She called and talked to her brother Jay and he told her, if she felt that strongly about him that she should go. That didn't make me any happier.
She of course still needed to find out what her ex wanted. I decided it was a good time to go out and get gas and run a couple of errands when he called her back.
Well, to make a long story short, he told her not to bother coming down because he was going to be busy. Not with funeral plans mind you because they were going to cremate his grandfather and they weren't holding any type of service. But he was going to be out doing things.
That made me happy but for a while there, I wasn't very happy - I was ready to call my T to see if she had any openings.
Disaster avoided. We then finished getting ready and went out to a very small winery - and I mean small. And after that we went to the beach. We must have stayed there a little over an hour.
We came back home, had something to eat and Becky went shopping. Yup, she can find her way into Wilmington in order to get to JCPenney and the small mall.
Today, we will take a ride to the beach. I need to be home for a Dentist appt at 4 and we'll decide what we want to do afterwards.
On Friday we are going to take the Ferry to Southport. We could actually get there faster by driving but the fun of it all is going over in the Ferry. I have no appts so we have the whole.
On Saturday, she doesn't leave until around 4:30. In the morning we are going to take a Hollywood walking tour and she will get to see where they film 'One Tree Hill'.
I think I will sleep when I return from dropping her off at the airport.
Sunday, I will need to go grocery shopping which now becomes somewhat easier but still a chore I hate. I went to see the nutritionist this week and she help me put together meals for the week. Now I need to make sure I have everything I need to make those meals.
Another update after Becky goes home and I've rested.
Saturday, March 08, 2008
You Aren't Here
Well, Robert called this morning and the phone call turned quickly into an arguement. I guess the only good thing was, he didn't get off the phone immediately and that was the only good thing
The conversation started off normally but quickly took a turn for the worse. He asked me if I was set up wireless. He knows the answer but of course he needs to ask. I told him I was and he asked if it was hard to set up. I said I had some problems. I asked him why he was interested.
This is his first mistake: he replied, he didn't want to talk about it. Why would that be something he wouldn't want to talk about. I said to him, why did he even bring it up if he wasn't going to talk about it. We went back and forth for a bit and he finally said, that his brother was going to help him set his laptop up as wireless over at his house. So I was like, what was the big deal.
I said to him before he answered - so I guess that means you don't plan on moving soon.
He of course replied there is something wrong with your thinking. I said no, that is my automatic reaction. He tried to tell me I was being defensive. I said, no just telling you what happens
I said to him, it's not even about this question, it's something that you do often. I have explained to you often, what works best for me to keep me stable and not get me upset but you still do things your way. That is the real point. I once again said to him, it has taken me many years to figure out what works best for me.
And my favorite line: I never called to get in an arguement. If he is in a good mood, he doesn't want to cloud that with anything that isn't positive. I told him if I have something to say, I'm not going to hold back. I need to say what is on my mind, that it isn't good for me to hold things in. He of course told me that I didn't have respect for HIS feelings.
I told him, that the only time we have to talk is over the phone. That if I have something to say, that I will say it. You are NOT here and I don't know when the next time is that we are going to talk for more than 5 minutes. If you were here we could always put it off for a couple of hours or the next day. He did say something along the lines that he should have put this off until later. I told him he could have done that.
And my health issues. He finally asked about my doctors appt. that I had on Wednesday. I wasn't going to bring it up until he asked. He hurt his shoulder at work last week and I've been asking him about it - I figured the least he could was ask me about my appt.
So, I tell him that my BP dropping is a symptom of either my Blood Sugar or Thryoid not being right. That my doctor changed the dosage of my Synthroid and I need to keep track of things.
He must of asked me to repeat things 3 or 4 times. Bugs the hell out of me when he does that
He doesn't think my doctors here know what they are doing. I keep telling him that I have a handle on my medical stuff. He said he is entiltled to his opinion and I said he does. I also told him that even though I tell him what is going on, he is NOT here to see what happens, to see how I feel. It is not the same hearing about and seeing it. That my doctor is doing what has to be done.
One thing he will NOT get involved with is my medical - I have always been on top of that, I know what I'm doing and I don't need him to tell me what I should be doing, especially when he isn't HERE to know exactly what is going on
He also thinks I should be able to get off my psych meds. I would like to be able to do that too but I know it's not reality. Cut back on them maybe but I will never get off of them.
After all the time I have spent explaining to him about my automatic reactions and what works best for me - he still does things his own way and then doesn't understand why I get upset
He listens to what I say but does not take it in and try to apply it
He tells me, he thinks I like to start arguements. Which I don't. But if he would listen to what I say, if he would be willing to talk things out, if he would finally move his ass down here, things would be different. I told him there are still things we need to talk about
He tells me I don't respect his feelings. I do, when I know what they are. I don't have empathy for a lot of his feelings. He is the one who has made the decisions that have been made. He is the one who has decided he still needs to be in Hartford. So, if this is hard on him, it is his choices that has him there. Hard or not on him, I don't think he has respected my feelings for a long time and he is slowly finding out that I am going to start speaking up more and more
When he tells me that how I react or what I'm feeling is wrong - there can't be any respect.
I don't think he has a clue that the longer he puts things off, the more independent I become. The more I'm not sure I want him to be here. There are trust issues at least on my side and they need to be addressed before anything can be worked out but, he doesn't seem to think we have these issues
He actually said to me, that one of us is not communicating properly and we should have a third party present. What a novel idea!
But, I'm sure he would not like my idea and that is for him to go to therapy with me. I'm sure he will say that my therapist is no good. That she doesn't know what she is doing. But, guess what, it is either her or no one. She is a professional and she would listen to both sides and let us know what is going on
Of course the chances of this happening are slim to none because he would actually have to take time of work, which he would need to do in order to come down and go with me.
Oh, I would love to be able to discuss some of this with him in therapy. Like, what works best for me that he doesn't follow. What he doesn't realize, though I probably have told him is, that I tell my therapist both sides of the story. It's not just one sided.
So, she knows what I've said to him and what he has said to me and what are reactions have been. I don't sugar coat it. So, he wouldn't be able to get away with anything
Thing1 called me a little while ago, probably to find out if I was okay. But who knows. I choose to ignore the phone and not answer. I was not in a spot to talk with him. Not right now and maybe not until later today. I wonder how he will feel when it happens to him. He has done this to me many times. Where he has told me, he thought I needed some time. Well, this time, I am taking that time, just because I don't feel like talking with him. I am too pissed at him right now
And so - He isn't here and he doesn't know how things really are! I hope me telling him that hit some nerve in him but I doubt it.
The conversation started off normally but quickly took a turn for the worse. He asked me if I was set up wireless. He knows the answer but of course he needs to ask. I told him I was and he asked if it was hard to set up. I said I had some problems. I asked him why he was interested.
This is his first mistake: he replied, he didn't want to talk about it. Why would that be something he wouldn't want to talk about. I said to him, why did he even bring it up if he wasn't going to talk about it. We went back and forth for a bit and he finally said, that his brother was going to help him set his laptop up as wireless over at his house. So I was like, what was the big deal.
I said to him before he answered - so I guess that means you don't plan on moving soon.
He of course replied there is something wrong with your thinking. I said no, that is my automatic reaction. He tried to tell me I was being defensive. I said, no just telling you what happens
I said to him, it's not even about this question, it's something that you do often. I have explained to you often, what works best for me to keep me stable and not get me upset but you still do things your way. That is the real point. I once again said to him, it has taken me many years to figure out what works best for me.
And my favorite line: I never called to get in an arguement. If he is in a good mood, he doesn't want to cloud that with anything that isn't positive. I told him if I have something to say, I'm not going to hold back. I need to say what is on my mind, that it isn't good for me to hold things in. He of course told me that I didn't have respect for HIS feelings.
I told him, that the only time we have to talk is over the phone. That if I have something to say, that I will say it. You are NOT here and I don't know when the next time is that we are going to talk for more than 5 minutes. If you were here we could always put it off for a couple of hours or the next day. He did say something along the lines that he should have put this off until later. I told him he could have done that.
And my health issues. He finally asked about my doctors appt. that I had on Wednesday. I wasn't going to bring it up until he asked. He hurt his shoulder at work last week and I've been asking him about it - I figured the least he could was ask me about my appt.
So, I tell him that my BP dropping is a symptom of either my Blood Sugar or Thryoid not being right. That my doctor changed the dosage of my Synthroid and I need to keep track of things.
He must of asked me to repeat things 3 or 4 times. Bugs the hell out of me when he does that
He doesn't think my doctors here know what they are doing. I keep telling him that I have a handle on my medical stuff. He said he is entiltled to his opinion and I said he does. I also told him that even though I tell him what is going on, he is NOT here to see what happens, to see how I feel. It is not the same hearing about and seeing it. That my doctor is doing what has to be done.
One thing he will NOT get involved with is my medical - I have always been on top of that, I know what I'm doing and I don't need him to tell me what I should be doing, especially when he isn't HERE to know exactly what is going on
He also thinks I should be able to get off my psych meds. I would like to be able to do that too but I know it's not reality. Cut back on them maybe but I will never get off of them.
After all the time I have spent explaining to him about my automatic reactions and what works best for me - he still does things his own way and then doesn't understand why I get upset
He listens to what I say but does not take it in and try to apply it
He tells me, he thinks I like to start arguements. Which I don't. But if he would listen to what I say, if he would be willing to talk things out, if he would finally move his ass down here, things would be different. I told him there are still things we need to talk about
He tells me I don't respect his feelings. I do, when I know what they are. I don't have empathy for a lot of his feelings. He is the one who has made the decisions that have been made. He is the one who has decided he still needs to be in Hartford. So, if this is hard on him, it is his choices that has him there. Hard or not on him, I don't think he has respected my feelings for a long time and he is slowly finding out that I am going to start speaking up more and more
When he tells me that how I react or what I'm feeling is wrong - there can't be any respect.
I don't think he has a clue that the longer he puts things off, the more independent I become. The more I'm not sure I want him to be here. There are trust issues at least on my side and they need to be addressed before anything can be worked out but, he doesn't seem to think we have these issues
He actually said to me, that one of us is not communicating properly and we should have a third party present. What a novel idea!
But, I'm sure he would not like my idea and that is for him to go to therapy with me. I'm sure he will say that my therapist is no good. That she doesn't know what she is doing. But, guess what, it is either her or no one. She is a professional and she would listen to both sides and let us know what is going on
Of course the chances of this happening are slim to none because he would actually have to take time of work, which he would need to do in order to come down and go with me.
Oh, I would love to be able to discuss some of this with him in therapy. Like, what works best for me that he doesn't follow. What he doesn't realize, though I probably have told him is, that I tell my therapist both sides of the story. It's not just one sided.
So, she knows what I've said to him and what he has said to me and what are reactions have been. I don't sugar coat it. So, he wouldn't be able to get away with anything
Thing1 called me a little while ago, probably to find out if I was okay. But who knows. I choose to ignore the phone and not answer. I was not in a spot to talk with him. Not right now and maybe not until later today. I wonder how he will feel when it happens to him. He has done this to me many times. Where he has told me, he thought I needed some time. Well, this time, I am taking that time, just because I don't feel like talking with him. I am too pissed at him right now
And so - He isn't here and he doesn't know how things really are! I hope me telling him that hit some nerve in him but I doubt it.
Monday, March 03, 2008
Another Shooting
There was another shooting today. This one in West Palm Beach Fl, at a Wendy's.
People died and the shooter killed himself and many were injured. What is this world coming to when we have these mass shootings every time we turn around.
What is so bad that people go out and shoot up a room full of people that they don't even know.
If you happen to read the boards on the news sites, it amazing the comments people make. They try to figure out if the person was on medication, if they stopped their medication. They blame it on the NRA, they blame it on the President. I could go on and on.
And of course, they just toss comments back and forth at each other and insult each other.
And every once in a while you will actually see a comment where the poster shows compassion toward the victims and their families.
These people don't seem to care that life can be cut short at any time and instead of fighting with each other on the boards they should be trying to do something more positive and writing to someone who can try to do something to fix the problem.
I don't have the answers but I know fighting with each other isn't it!
People died and the shooter killed himself and many were injured. What is this world coming to when we have these mass shootings every time we turn around.
What is so bad that people go out and shoot up a room full of people that they don't even know.
If you happen to read the boards on the news sites, it amazing the comments people make. They try to figure out if the person was on medication, if they stopped their medication. They blame it on the NRA, they blame it on the President. I could go on and on.
And of course, they just toss comments back and forth at each other and insult each other.
And every once in a while you will actually see a comment where the poster shows compassion toward the victims and their families.
These people don't seem to care that life can be cut short at any time and instead of fighting with each other on the boards they should be trying to do something more positive and writing to someone who can try to do something to fix the problem.
I don't have the answers but I know fighting with each other isn't it!
Saturday, March 01, 2008
Tough Week
Though the week started off very good with the tutoring, it ended on a somewhat sad note.
I am a member of "saferoom", it is a group that I belong to which has been around for about 10 years.
One of the founders of the group, had a condition which caused her a lot of head and neck pain. And probably pain that even went down her spine. I don't remember the name of the condition but the only way to possibly eliminate the pain was to go in a do brain surgery.
She finally decided it was time to go in and have the surgery. She was looking forward to be without pain. The surgery was "text book". But something went wrong and she had breathing problems that became worse. Eventually she was declared "brain dead" and they kept her alive on life support until the family could all get there. They removed the life support on Thursday night and took the organs they could since she was an organ donor.
Her body was creamated. They held a memorial service yesterday. Of course, a lot of people who "knew" her weren't able to attend since she lived in FL. We are now waiting to find out what charity or how best to make a donation.
She was someone who would give you the shirt of her back. Would be there to help you if you needed it. Could get you to talk even if you didn't want to. Make you laugh if you didn't think there was anything in life to laugh about. She was an amazing person. I hadn't been to the chat room in a long time and I am learning more about who she was.
She was so young to lose her life, only 43. She leaves behind to daughters and her husband.
It's just one more thing in life that makes you realize how important your "family" (however you define it) and friends are in your life. Don't lose site of that.
She will live on in the hearts of so many, so she is not really gone but, it is not the same.
I am a member of "saferoom", it is a group that I belong to which has been around for about 10 years.
One of the founders of the group, had a condition which caused her a lot of head and neck pain. And probably pain that even went down her spine. I don't remember the name of the condition but the only way to possibly eliminate the pain was to go in a do brain surgery.
She finally decided it was time to go in and have the surgery. She was looking forward to be without pain. The surgery was "text book". But something went wrong and she had breathing problems that became worse. Eventually she was declared "brain dead" and they kept her alive on life support until the family could all get there. They removed the life support on Thursday night and took the organs they could since she was an organ donor.
Her body was creamated. They held a memorial service yesterday. Of course, a lot of people who "knew" her weren't able to attend since she lived in FL. We are now waiting to find out what charity or how best to make a donation.
She was someone who would give you the shirt of her back. Would be there to help you if you needed it. Could get you to talk even if you didn't want to. Make you laugh if you didn't think there was anything in life to laugh about. She was an amazing person. I hadn't been to the chat room in a long time and I am learning more about who she was.
She was so young to lose her life, only 43. She leaves behind to daughters and her husband.
It's just one more thing in life that makes you realize how important your "family" (however you define it) and friends are in your life. Don't lose site of that.
She will live on in the hearts of so many, so she is not really gone but, it is not the same.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Tutoring Week 1
I started tutoring a 43 yr old male this week. He reads at about a second grade level.
It still amazes me that there are so many adults out there that were pushed through school or never made it through school.
That is all changing, one person at a time. And it is a wonderful feeling to be able to help someone how to read and write.
This first week we did a little "get to know you" stuff.
One of the reasons he wants to learn to read is to advance in his job. He wants to get his Class A drivers license. He will also need to learn a manual at work and test on that. This of course is down the road. There are smaller goals to reach first. He wants to be able to read to his 4 yr. old niece. And there are many other things that he wants to be able to read.
We start small and build our way up.
The bottom line is, he gets to improve himself and I get to feel good about myself.
It still amazes me that there are so many adults out there that were pushed through school or never made it through school.
That is all changing, one person at a time. And it is a wonderful feeling to be able to help someone how to read and write.
This first week we did a little "get to know you" stuff.
One of the reasons he wants to learn to read is to advance in his job. He wants to get his Class A drivers license. He will also need to learn a manual at work and test on that. This of course is down the road. There are smaller goals to reach first. He wants to be able to read to his 4 yr. old niece. And there are many other things that he wants to be able to read.
We start small and build our way up.
The bottom line is, he gets to improve himself and I get to feel good about myself.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
It's been since December!
It's been since the beginning of December since I've sat down to let everyone know what's been going on. Partially because it's just the same old stuff.
Robert is still in CT and doesn't understand what I try to tell him. I'm still trying to get him to understand how I feel about all of this and he can't seem to see past it. I see an email or snail mail going to him shortly spelling it out clearly to him. This way he can't stop me and try to tell me I don't understand or I'm trying to control things. If he wants me to control things, I could and he would really see the difference. Ok - that's the Readers Digest version.
Work is as busy and crazy as ever. I could work 24 x 7 and still have work to do. I know, job security but some days I feel like my head is spinning (and it's not from being dizzy when I stand up). Most of the people on our team work on one system and sometimes special projects. I happen to work on all 4 systems, special projects and do anything else they toss at me including helping other areas. Now where is the justice in this? Sometimes it doesn't pay to be good at what you do.
Most of you don't know that I took training to become a Literacy Tutor. I just received my first student and we start on Monday. My student is a 43 year old male who wants to learn to read. He can read some but not that much. I'm excited to be doing this. I'm sure I'm just as nervous as he is. I'll try to keep everyone updated, at least weekly, on how this goes.
And in case anyone is wondering why I've decided to do this:
1) my therapist has been pushing me to get out of the house and with some health issues (more to follow) this was something I could do and not worry about them.
2) it is something I can do to help others.
My original thought was to do something to help children but I thought I would start with adults who would be more cooperative.
Health issues -
the main health issue that has kept me from doing a whole lot, mainly exercising, is my Blood Pressure. It has a tendency to go from being in the normal range to going high to going way too low. I didn't want to be out anywhere and have my BP drop low and have someone call 911 on me. I am not, I repeat NOT going to the emergency room because my BP dropped.
I went for a Tilt Table Test last week. Now that is an interesting and very boring test. If you've never heard of it, they strap you on a table, "stand" you up to an 80 degree angle and leave you there for 30 minutes. They are trying to get you to pass out. If you don't (and I didn't), they put a nitro tablet under your tounge to make you more sensitive to the test and you get to stay in that position for another 15 minutes. Well I didn't pass out - so I passed the test. But I did get extremely tired and cold. That's how I get when my BP goes very low.
My doctor did change my BP med and I'm doing better but my BP still drops. The only thing is, it's not on the list of meds through my insurance - so we'll have to talk about when I go for my physical in a couple of weeks.
I am going to see a nutritionist on 3/18. There are somedays it's just too hard to figure out what to eat, except maybe a piece of card board. I need to watch the fats, carbs, cholesterol and the sugar. I am hoping the nutritionist can help me set up some meal plans and substitutions I can use. Yes, I'm a picky eater and if I eat something more than a couple of times a week, I don't want to eat it again for a few weeks.
The week of March 17th, my daughter, Becky will be coming down to visit during her spring break. She doesn't know it yet but I do have some doctor appts that week and I'll be tutoring on Monday and Tues. But, we'll still have plenty of time to go out and do things.
I think that about catches me up. I'll try to do better, especially since I'll start to tutor and I want to keep a log of how it goes and this is a good place to do that.
Oh yeah, and when I attempt to quit smoking again - I will want to try and log that progress here as well.
Robert is still in CT and doesn't understand what I try to tell him. I'm still trying to get him to understand how I feel about all of this and he can't seem to see past it. I see an email or snail mail going to him shortly spelling it out clearly to him. This way he can't stop me and try to tell me I don't understand or I'm trying to control things. If he wants me to control things, I could and he would really see the difference. Ok - that's the Readers Digest version.
Work is as busy and crazy as ever. I could work 24 x 7 and still have work to do. I know, job security but some days I feel like my head is spinning (and it's not from being dizzy when I stand up). Most of the people on our team work on one system and sometimes special projects. I happen to work on all 4 systems, special projects and do anything else they toss at me including helping other areas. Now where is the justice in this? Sometimes it doesn't pay to be good at what you do.
Most of you don't know that I took training to become a Literacy Tutor. I just received my first student and we start on Monday. My student is a 43 year old male who wants to learn to read. He can read some but not that much. I'm excited to be doing this. I'm sure I'm just as nervous as he is. I'll try to keep everyone updated, at least weekly, on how this goes.
And in case anyone is wondering why I've decided to do this:
1) my therapist has been pushing me to get out of the house and with some health issues (more to follow) this was something I could do and not worry about them.
2) it is something I can do to help others.
My original thought was to do something to help children but I thought I would start with adults who would be more cooperative.
Health issues -
the main health issue that has kept me from doing a whole lot, mainly exercising, is my Blood Pressure. It has a tendency to go from being in the normal range to going high to going way too low. I didn't want to be out anywhere and have my BP drop low and have someone call 911 on me. I am not, I repeat NOT going to the emergency room because my BP dropped.
I went for a Tilt Table Test last week. Now that is an interesting and very boring test. If you've never heard of it, they strap you on a table, "stand" you up to an 80 degree angle and leave you there for 30 minutes. They are trying to get you to pass out. If you don't (and I didn't), they put a nitro tablet under your tounge to make you more sensitive to the test and you get to stay in that position for another 15 minutes. Well I didn't pass out - so I passed the test. But I did get extremely tired and cold. That's how I get when my BP goes very low.
My doctor did change my BP med and I'm doing better but my BP still drops. The only thing is, it's not on the list of meds through my insurance - so we'll have to talk about when I go for my physical in a couple of weeks.
I am going to see a nutritionist on 3/18. There are somedays it's just too hard to figure out what to eat, except maybe a piece of card board. I need to watch the fats, carbs, cholesterol and the sugar. I am hoping the nutritionist can help me set up some meal plans and substitutions I can use. Yes, I'm a picky eater and if I eat something more than a couple of times a week, I don't want to eat it again for a few weeks.
The week of March 17th, my daughter, Becky will be coming down to visit during her spring break. She doesn't know it yet but I do have some doctor appts that week and I'll be tutoring on Monday and Tues. But, we'll still have plenty of time to go out and do things.
I think that about catches me up. I'll try to do better, especially since I'll start to tutor and I want to keep a log of how it goes and this is a good place to do that.
Oh yeah, and when I attempt to quit smoking again - I will want to try and log that progress here as well.
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Interactions with the cops
Over the past three days, I have had 2 interactions with the cops. One in Wilmington and one in Leland.
One Friday morning, I had therapy at 8 a.m. My therapist was running late so I decided to try to door to the building to see if it was open. If not, I would ring the bell and wait to see if someone answered it. When I checked the door handle, it was locked but when I pushed on the door, it opened. This of course set of the alarm. Yes, I have now become a criminal.
I waited a few minutes, not knowing how quickly the cops would show up.
I finally went out to my car to get my cell phone to call my therapist, who still wasn't there and as I was getting ready to call her, she pulls into the driveway. Pulling into the driveway on the other side is the cop. At least they showed up together. I told my therapist, that the door was locked but not closed all the way. The cop was very understanding, checked the door to make sure no one tried to break in. I told them the alarm didn't go off until I walked inside.
The alarm was shut off, everyone (mainly me) calmed down and therapy began.
Eventful day number 1 has come to an end.
Fast forward to Sunday. It's afternoon and I go to CVS, just to look around.
When I leave CVS, I pull into the center turn lane. Normally, I move over once there is no traffic coming. Well, apparently today I didn't and I didn't even realize it. But the officer on the motorcycle behind me did.
When I got to the light and made my turn, he pulled me over. Now, I'm thinking, what the heck did I do? As far as I knew, I didn't do anything wrong. While I'm waiting for him, I get my license out. He gets to my car and and proceeds to say, you were travelling in the turn lane. I tell him, I didn't even realize I was doing that. He said that is where most of their accidents occur and the fine for doing that is $240.00. My thought "OH SHIT".
I told him again, that I really didn't realize that I was driving in the turn lane. I'm surprised he didn't lock me up or something. He let me off with a warning. I thanked him but I bet my name is now on a list of drivers to watch out for.
End of eventful day #2.
So - dissociation set in big time just when it didn't need to. And to think, I thought things were getting better.
One can only hope that next week, things aren't as exciting.
One Friday morning, I had therapy at 8 a.m. My therapist was running late so I decided to try to door to the building to see if it was open. If not, I would ring the bell and wait to see if someone answered it. When I checked the door handle, it was locked but when I pushed on the door, it opened. This of course set of the alarm. Yes, I have now become a criminal.
I waited a few minutes, not knowing how quickly the cops would show up.
I finally went out to my car to get my cell phone to call my therapist, who still wasn't there and as I was getting ready to call her, she pulls into the driveway. Pulling into the driveway on the other side is the cop. At least they showed up together. I told my therapist, that the door was locked but not closed all the way. The cop was very understanding, checked the door to make sure no one tried to break in. I told them the alarm didn't go off until I walked inside.
The alarm was shut off, everyone (mainly me) calmed down and therapy began.
Eventful day number 1 has come to an end.
Fast forward to Sunday. It's afternoon and I go to CVS, just to look around.
When I leave CVS, I pull into the center turn lane. Normally, I move over once there is no traffic coming. Well, apparently today I didn't and I didn't even realize it. But the officer on the motorcycle behind me did.
When I got to the light and made my turn, he pulled me over. Now, I'm thinking, what the heck did I do? As far as I knew, I didn't do anything wrong. While I'm waiting for him, I get my license out. He gets to my car and and proceeds to say, you were travelling in the turn lane. I tell him, I didn't even realize I was doing that. He said that is where most of their accidents occur and the fine for doing that is $240.00. My thought "OH SHIT".
I told him again, that I really didn't realize that I was driving in the turn lane. I'm surprised he didn't lock me up or something. He let me off with a warning. I thanked him but I bet my name is now on a list of drivers to watch out for.
End of eventful day #2.
So - dissociation set in big time just when it didn't need to. And to think, I thought things were getting better.
One can only hope that next week, things aren't as exciting.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Since this is actually read ...
Since this is read and I don't type just for the heck of it, I'll try to do a real update this time. Just keep in mind that I'm suffering from a case of CRS.
I'm in a funk these days. Thanksgiving plans - all of them, fell through, though it was no ones fault. But the holidays can put in me in funk all by themselves. But to put the icing on the cake, on Sunday it was 5 years since my mother passed away. I still don't know how I feel about it all but there is something in there stirring around or it wouldn't have bugged me. Nope - not feeling guilty about not going to the funeral. But, I don't know what it is that is going on.
But - there is this internal fight going on. Those of you who know me and my medication issues, know that I go through this once in a while. Well, when I was I the Halloween cruise, I stopped taking my afternoon dose of Seroquel. The thing is, now I believe that I need to put that dose back, either by adding it to my morning dose or taking it in the afternoon (too hard to remember). I'm forgetting to do things at work until I get a reminder, I'm crabby at work and that is unusal since I'm not under a lot of stress right now. I don't have a large attention span.
All of this says - increase the Seroqeul. I'm saying - I don't want to, I want to keep the dose lower. How am I ever going to get off the damn med if I can't lower it by 50 mg?
Okay - we know who will win the fight in the long run, I just have to go thru the motions.
Christmas is coming and right now I'm not sure what I'm doing. Becky won't know until the week before if she will be working at JCP. If she can work, I told her to go make some money. After all, she needs it. I need to talk with Robert and see what his plans are. Maybe he will drive down. I know I can't drive up, at least until I feel more sure about what my BP is doing.
I can't go to far the week of Christmas since Tony has taken the week off, that means I have to work.
I'm thinking that I may fly up to CT in Jan. when Bernie's brother Rick comes home for a visit.
I'll have to figure out my schedule and see what is going on. If there are available desks at work, I may be able to go up and not use much PTO time. All in good time.
Well, it's time to go and do something but I don't know what. Maybe journal, if I can keep my attention on what I'm doing. Maybe I'll write out some Christmas Cards - not sending many but I am doing some. Then there is the Christmas shopping to do or is that banging my head against the wall. I only have a few people to buy for and I can't figure out what to get. It's a darn good thing I don't have to buy for more.
I'm in a funk these days. Thanksgiving plans - all of them, fell through, though it was no ones fault. But the holidays can put in me in funk all by themselves. But to put the icing on the cake, on Sunday it was 5 years since my mother passed away. I still don't know how I feel about it all but there is something in there stirring around or it wouldn't have bugged me. Nope - not feeling guilty about not going to the funeral. But, I don't know what it is that is going on.
But - there is this internal fight going on. Those of you who know me and my medication issues, know that I go through this once in a while. Well, when I was I the Halloween cruise, I stopped taking my afternoon dose of Seroquel. The thing is, now I believe that I need to put that dose back, either by adding it to my morning dose or taking it in the afternoon (too hard to remember). I'm forgetting to do things at work until I get a reminder, I'm crabby at work and that is unusal since I'm not under a lot of stress right now. I don't have a large attention span.
All of this says - increase the Seroqeul. I'm saying - I don't want to, I want to keep the dose lower. How am I ever going to get off the damn med if I can't lower it by 50 mg?
Okay - we know who will win the fight in the long run, I just have to go thru the motions.
Christmas is coming and right now I'm not sure what I'm doing. Becky won't know until the week before if she will be working at JCP. If she can work, I told her to go make some money. After all, she needs it. I need to talk with Robert and see what his plans are. Maybe he will drive down. I know I can't drive up, at least until I feel more sure about what my BP is doing.
I can't go to far the week of Christmas since Tony has taken the week off, that means I have to work.
I'm thinking that I may fly up to CT in Jan. when Bernie's brother Rick comes home for a visit.
I'll have to figure out my schedule and see what is going on. If there are available desks at work, I may be able to go up and not use much PTO time. All in good time.
Well, it's time to go and do something but I don't know what. Maybe journal, if I can keep my attention on what I'm doing. Maybe I'll write out some Christmas Cards - not sending many but I am doing some. Then there is the Christmas shopping to do or is that banging my head against the wall. I only have a few people to buy for and I can't figure out what to get. It's a darn good thing I don't have to buy for more.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Does Anyone Read This.
It has been forever since I've posted but since no one has mentioned it, I guess no one is really reading my Blog.
Stuff has been happening but mainly, I'm tired and stressed these days.
I suppose if you are really interested in what has been happening you can post a reply and I will write more. This way I'll see if anyone is really reading this.
Stuff has been happening but mainly, I'm tired and stressed these days.
I suppose if you are really interested in what has been happening you can post a reply and I will write more. This way I'll see if anyone is really reading this.
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Oh that Darn Medical Stuff
So, it seems everytime I go to the doctor, something has to be out of whack. I guess I wouldn't be me if that wasn't true.
My regular doctor (Melissa) is on Maternity leave so I saw Jeremy this time to review my labs and talk about what's going on. The good news is I lost more weight. The bad news is my A1C level went up. Strange but true.
The other bad news is my BP was up. Yup, way up there at 144/90. I had the work week from hell last week and it sure showed. Jeremy increased my BP med and has me taking my BP at home and I have to stop in the office in a couple of weeks for them to check it. He will then decide if he'll keep me on the dose he has me on or up it some more. The good news about this is, so far at home, it's been pretty much in the normal range. Of course, I haven't been totally stressed out so there has been no true test.
The other thing he talked about doing was adding yet another med to my already long list. This one to help keep my sugar level in check. Melissa has talked about it but hasn't yet. For some reason my Cholesterol level didn't get done when I went for labs last time so I have until the beginning of Nov. to see if he will do something with that.
I've taken the jump and I'm going to try once again to quit smoking. I'm using Chantix this time. This med can have some really ugly side effects but it's day 2 and so far, so good. Day 4 there is actually an increase in the medication so that will be a big test and I believe Day 6 there is an increase. On Day 8 and on going, you stay on the same dose. So it's just a matter of a short time and I'll know if I can take it or not.
I've started seeing a therapist down her. I've seen her twice and we are still in the "getting to know you" phase. But so far so good. And me being me - we jumped right in this week with the self-care stuff. Hey - why wait until she knows more about me. Let her work for her money!
I talk with Pam on Monday and I don't know when Dr. Gold and Pam will get to talk and get caught up on things. I've told Dr. Gold some background stuff but there is still more to tell.
Maggie will be coming down with Ryan for a visit next week. Cami and Lydia will be driving up to get them and bring them down so they don't have to take the bus. This is their own vacation, get-a-way from all that has been going on.
More - later.
My regular doctor (Melissa) is on Maternity leave so I saw Jeremy this time to review my labs and talk about what's going on. The good news is I lost more weight. The bad news is my A1C level went up. Strange but true.
The other bad news is my BP was up. Yup, way up there at 144/90. I had the work week from hell last week and it sure showed. Jeremy increased my BP med and has me taking my BP at home and I have to stop in the office in a couple of weeks for them to check it. He will then decide if he'll keep me on the dose he has me on or up it some more. The good news about this is, so far at home, it's been pretty much in the normal range. Of course, I haven't been totally stressed out so there has been no true test.
The other thing he talked about doing was adding yet another med to my already long list. This one to help keep my sugar level in check. Melissa has talked about it but hasn't yet. For some reason my Cholesterol level didn't get done when I went for labs last time so I have until the beginning of Nov. to see if he will do something with that.
I've taken the jump and I'm going to try once again to quit smoking. I'm using Chantix this time. This med can have some really ugly side effects but it's day 2 and so far, so good. Day 4 there is actually an increase in the medication so that will be a big test and I believe Day 6 there is an increase. On Day 8 and on going, you stay on the same dose. So it's just a matter of a short time and I'll know if I can take it or not.
I've started seeing a therapist down her. I've seen her twice and we are still in the "getting to know you" phase. But so far so good. And me being me - we jumped right in this week with the self-care stuff. Hey - why wait until she knows more about me. Let her work for her money!
I talk with Pam on Monday and I don't know when Dr. Gold and Pam will get to talk and get caught up on things. I've told Dr. Gold some background stuff but there is still more to tell.
Maggie will be coming down with Ryan for a visit next week. Cami and Lydia will be driving up to get them and bring them down so they don't have to take the bus. This is their own vacation, get-a-way from all that has been going on.
More - later.
Sunday, July 08, 2007
Time Marches On
Things have been a little busy around here lately as I try to stay on top of everything that is going on.
Everything with my surgery went fine. I went to my follow-up appointment and all was well. Unless I have any problems, I don't have to go back to see him until next year.
My friend Maggie (who has Lupus), was in the hospital for about a week but didn't tell any of us until after she was released. She was in the cardiac care unit. Her Lupus has attacked her heart. It is moving into more of her organs. She didn't want to tell any of us because she didn't want us to worry.
We not only worry about her physical health, we all worry about her mental health.
Her husband just doesn't want to get it. It is all about him and he doesn't care how Maggie feels. If things are done the way he wants he isn't happy. The only thing to his credit is he does work 2 jobs. What he did so wrong this time around, was not take any time off from either job while she was in the hospital. He didn't even ask. It was an inconvience for him. He had to make sure that their son had a place to be during the day and night. He wouldn't ask for time off because he's going out to CA. in August. His true colors showed through this time around. He has never wanted to see what Maggie couldn't do but this is the worst he has been.
I believe he understands she can't do everything and that her Lupus limits how much she can actually get done but I don't think he wants to "see" it. He just expects her to keep doing no matter what.
So, for her sanity and health, Cami and Lydia, will be going to NJ to get Maggie and Ryan and bring them to NC when Maggie gets the all clear from her Doctor (probably in August). She will get some well needed rest and Ryan will get to have some fun and not worry about his Mom. Something he doesn't get to do very often.
Robert is coming down this coming weekend. He is flying down on Friday night and going back on Sunday, early evening. It's always a short stay when he comes down but it sure is better than him not coming down at all. It's hard to let him go after he's been here. I just want him to stay home with me.
That day is coming soon and I'm happy about it. The plan is: he will be moving down in August, sometime after the 18th. I'll check my work schedule and any appointments that I have and see if I can fly up and then drive back with him. It's been a long time coming. I know there will be an adjustment period since we haven't lived together before. There are also some other issues that need to be cleared up but they will all get handled in time. But that will happen.
Things are finally falling into place. Sometimes we just have to wait before the good things happen.
Everything with my surgery went fine. I went to my follow-up appointment and all was well. Unless I have any problems, I don't have to go back to see him until next year.
My friend Maggie (who has Lupus), was in the hospital for about a week but didn't tell any of us until after she was released. She was in the cardiac care unit. Her Lupus has attacked her heart. It is moving into more of her organs. She didn't want to tell any of us because she didn't want us to worry.
We not only worry about her physical health, we all worry about her mental health.
Her husband just doesn't want to get it. It is all about him and he doesn't care how Maggie feels. If things are done the way he wants he isn't happy. The only thing to his credit is he does work 2 jobs. What he did so wrong this time around, was not take any time off from either job while she was in the hospital. He didn't even ask. It was an inconvience for him. He had to make sure that their son had a place to be during the day and night. He wouldn't ask for time off because he's going out to CA. in August. His true colors showed through this time around. He has never wanted to see what Maggie couldn't do but this is the worst he has been.
I believe he understands she can't do everything and that her Lupus limits how much she can actually get done but I don't think he wants to "see" it. He just expects her to keep doing no matter what.
So, for her sanity and health, Cami and Lydia, will be going to NJ to get Maggie and Ryan and bring them to NC when Maggie gets the all clear from her Doctor (probably in August). She will get some well needed rest and Ryan will get to have some fun and not worry about his Mom. Something he doesn't get to do very often.
Robert is coming down this coming weekend. He is flying down on Friday night and going back on Sunday, early evening. It's always a short stay when he comes down but it sure is better than him not coming down at all. It's hard to let him go after he's been here. I just want him to stay home with me.
That day is coming soon and I'm happy about it. The plan is: he will be moving down in August, sometime after the 18th. I'll check my work schedule and any appointments that I have and see if I can fly up and then drive back with him. It's been a long time coming. I know there will be an adjustment period since we haven't lived together before. There are also some other issues that need to be cleared up but they will all get handled in time. But that will happen.
Things are finally falling into place. Sometimes we just have to wait before the good things happen.
Friday, June 22, 2007
Stuff
Okay, so I noticed that I haven't updated this since April. I guess it's time since it's now getting near the end of June. Where does the time go?
I still haven't gotten a new therapist or dentist. On my to do list but they haven't been the priority recently. I do need to get busy on these since I do believe it's time to get this taken care of.
I took a cruise in May and had a good time. It was long over due and as everyone knows vacation is never long enough. And for those of you addicted to cruising, I'm ready for the next one. Good thing I have one booked at the end of Oct. This is a group cruise with the 'Cruise Fools' and I'm going with Bernie.
I've been on medical leave since June 5th. I had a hysterectomy. They sent me home from the hospital on June 6th. I stayed with a friend until Sunday and then came home. Right now I don't even feel like I went through surgey. I still get tired when I do a bunch of stuff but then again my body is still healing. I go back to work on Monday and I'm ready. I need something to challenge my mind. Try as I may, I do get bored and I can't keep my mind occupied during the day and that leads to me getting bummed out.
Robert is planning on moving down in August. He is in the process of getting everything in place to move. He is going to be selling some of his larger items that makes more sense to sell then to move. He has also been taking care of a bunch of smaller things that need to get done before he moves. The move has been long awaited. Being apart has been tough on both of us. He has come down to visit a few times but it's just not the same. It doesn't fill the void that comes when he is not here and he has the same problem. There will be an adjustment period when he does move in. We have never lived together but we will work anything out that comes up. We have managed to work through everything that has come over the past year or so. It hasn't always been easy but we've been able to do it. I think it has made our relationship strong.
That's the recap for now. It's early and I've only been awake for about an hour.
I still haven't gotten a new therapist or dentist. On my to do list but they haven't been the priority recently. I do need to get busy on these since I do believe it's time to get this taken care of.
I took a cruise in May and had a good time. It was long over due and as everyone knows vacation is never long enough. And for those of you addicted to cruising, I'm ready for the next one. Good thing I have one booked at the end of Oct. This is a group cruise with the 'Cruise Fools' and I'm going with Bernie.
I've been on medical leave since June 5th. I had a hysterectomy. They sent me home from the hospital on June 6th. I stayed with a friend until Sunday and then came home. Right now I don't even feel like I went through surgey. I still get tired when I do a bunch of stuff but then again my body is still healing. I go back to work on Monday and I'm ready. I need something to challenge my mind. Try as I may, I do get bored and I can't keep my mind occupied during the day and that leads to me getting bummed out.
Robert is planning on moving down in August. He is in the process of getting everything in place to move. He is going to be selling some of his larger items that makes more sense to sell then to move. He has also been taking care of a bunch of smaller things that need to get done before he moves. The move has been long awaited. Being apart has been tough on both of us. He has come down to visit a few times but it's just not the same. It doesn't fill the void that comes when he is not here and he has the same problem. There will be an adjustment period when he does move in. We have never lived together but we will work anything out that comes up. We have managed to work through everything that has come over the past year or so. It hasn't always been easy but we've been able to do it. I think it has made our relationship strong.
That's the recap for now. It's early and I've only been awake for about an hour.
Friday, April 20, 2007
How to stop the Killings
Everyone wants to know how do we stop the killings. They try to get inside the heads of these kids who go and shoot up school campus'.
Doesn't it all begin at home. Doesn't it all start with open communication and parents who care, support and who are there for their children? Children should not be afraid to go to their parents if things are going wrong. Children should not be afraid to go to any adult if things are going wrong in their life.
Schools should not allow students to bully other students. If they know it is happening and allow it to continue - then the school becomes at fault for anything that may happen.
If the school notices a student may be depressed or has other mental health issues, they should not be afraid to go to the parents and tell them what they have observed and parents should not get defensive that their child could in no way have a problem. All children have problems and they all handle them differently.
A number of mental health issues are biological in nature but they still need to be treated. Parents need to stop being afraid of the stigma that was once attached to mental health issues and if their kids need it, get them help. The same with the kids.
If everyone pulls together for the good of the students, doesn't it only stand to reason, that there would be less violence on school campuses. If everyone treated the next person with respect, doesn't it stand to reason there would be less violence. If everyone tried to help out the next person, doesn't it stand to reason there would be less violence.
There is a pattern here - if you can't help the person out, the next person might be able to, don't turn your back on someone because you don't have the answer, find someone who can help, that might be the only way that you can help.
Doesn't it all begin at home. Doesn't it all start with open communication and parents who care, support and who are there for their children? Children should not be afraid to go to their parents if things are going wrong. Children should not be afraid to go to any adult if things are going wrong in their life.
Schools should not allow students to bully other students. If they know it is happening and allow it to continue - then the school becomes at fault for anything that may happen.
If the school notices a student may be depressed or has other mental health issues, they should not be afraid to go to the parents and tell them what they have observed and parents should not get defensive that their child could in no way have a problem. All children have problems and they all handle them differently.
A number of mental health issues are biological in nature but they still need to be treated. Parents need to stop being afraid of the stigma that was once attached to mental health issues and if their kids need it, get them help. The same with the kids.
If everyone pulls together for the good of the students, doesn't it only stand to reason, that there would be less violence on school campuses. If everyone treated the next person with respect, doesn't it stand to reason there would be less violence. If everyone tried to help out the next person, doesn't it stand to reason there would be less violence.
There is a pattern here - if you can't help the person out, the next person might be able to, don't turn your back on someone because you don't have the answer, find someone who can help, that might be the only way that you can help.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
VT Tech Killings
The needless killings this week at VT could have been prevented if everything that everyone tried to do over the past couple of years would have worked.
People tried to get this guy help and it always fell through or he didn't follow through.
I am not backing him up in any way but he was obviously very distribed and needed psych help which he refused to get on his own.
He either knew how to play the system when they put him in the hospital or he just plainly fooled the doctors. In either case, the let him out when they should have kept him in. Of course, he didn't want to be in. For a lot of people being kept in a locked facility carries a stigma with it. One they don't want attached with their name. They don't want people to know they have mental health issues.
If he would have been forced to stay in the hospital, he would never have been able to purchase the guns but I'm sure he would have found a different way to get them.
If he would have listened to his teacher and went for help, someone would have realized how bad off he was and he would have gotten the help he needed.
This is one case where people tried and it did not work. It doesn't mean they didn't try hard enough - their hands were tied. You can't force someone to get help unless they are a danger to themselves or someone else and if you know how to play the system, you can convince the doctors in any facility you are ready to go home.
Did his parents know that he was as bad off as he was? That is one thing we haven't heard yet. If they did, did they encourage their son to get help or to hid his problems so it would not relfect bad on the family (like so many others do). Did they add to him learning to hide and not seek help? I'm not blaming the parents, it's the way they were raised, it is all they know.
We, as a country, have to stop making such a being deal out of people seeking psych help. It actually shows a sign of courage and not weakness like so many believe.
There are many reasons why people need help and no matter what the reason is, no one should be discouraged from seeking help.
We also can't blame others for our problems, as this person has done. We are each responsible for our own actions and our own choices.
Please make your choices wisely and consider your actions and how they will effect the lives of others.
My sympathies to all of those who lost loved ones at VT and I pray that you come out of this a stronger person because of this senseless tragedy.
People tried to get this guy help and it always fell through or he didn't follow through.
I am not backing him up in any way but he was obviously very distribed and needed psych help which he refused to get on his own.
He either knew how to play the system when they put him in the hospital or he just plainly fooled the doctors. In either case, the let him out when they should have kept him in. Of course, he didn't want to be in. For a lot of people being kept in a locked facility carries a stigma with it. One they don't want attached with their name. They don't want people to know they have mental health issues.
If he would have been forced to stay in the hospital, he would never have been able to purchase the guns but I'm sure he would have found a different way to get them.
If he would have listened to his teacher and went for help, someone would have realized how bad off he was and he would have gotten the help he needed.
This is one case where people tried and it did not work. It doesn't mean they didn't try hard enough - their hands were tied. You can't force someone to get help unless they are a danger to themselves or someone else and if you know how to play the system, you can convince the doctors in any facility you are ready to go home.
Did his parents know that he was as bad off as he was? That is one thing we haven't heard yet. If they did, did they encourage their son to get help or to hid his problems so it would not relfect bad on the family (like so many others do). Did they add to him learning to hide and not seek help? I'm not blaming the parents, it's the way they were raised, it is all they know.
We, as a country, have to stop making such a being deal out of people seeking psych help. It actually shows a sign of courage and not weakness like so many believe.
There are many reasons why people need help and no matter what the reason is, no one should be discouraged from seeking help.
We also can't blame others for our problems, as this person has done. We are each responsible for our own actions and our own choices.
Please make your choices wisely and consider your actions and how they will effect the lives of others.
My sympathies to all of those who lost loved ones at VT and I pray that you come out of this a stronger person because of this senseless tragedy.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Just Time for an Update
It's been a while since I've updated so I thought it was to catch everyone up on what has been happening.
Health
This just continues to be so much "fun". Between Melissa and Dr. Vogel (GYN), I am now trying to quit smoking again. Pretty much I need to quit before I go get "gutted". Dr. Vogel tells me that is really my only risk for the surgery. Surgery - you are wondering?! Yes, I am going to be scheduled for a hysterectomy. I am just waiting for them to call me back and let me know when it will be. I am actually looking forward to this, even though I hate having to be in the hospital. It will mean the end of the problems I've been having for about a year now. Because I work from home and I do a desk job he tells me I will most likely need only a couple of weeks off from work. I'm thinking, maybe 3 or 4. I'll see what I can convince him to give me. I don't want to go back to soon and get run down. It will still take the same amount of time to completely heal (6 weeks, tops 8 weeks). I just won't miss a lot of work. Work will be happy and I won't get bored sitting around with nothing to do.
The only time constraint I put on scheduling the surgery is, I will be cruising from May 20th - May 27 and the surgery can't interfer with my vacation.
The cruise is booked, the flights are booked. Robert and I are going to the Southern Caribbean. Some much needed time together and stress relief.
Robert came down this past weekend. It was great to spend time together, be able to talk in person, just be together. We looked over the shore excursions and tried to narrow them down to what we wanted to do. We didn't quite get there but we got close. We'll try to get them figured out before the cruise so I can book them ahead of time.
It was tough dropping Robert off at the airport this morning knowning that I'm not going to see him until we go on the cruise. At least the cruise is less than 2 months away. It's time to start that packing list and to go out and buy any of those items that we will need. I started that already today since I don't want to buy them all at one time.
For now - that's it. It's almost time for bed since morning shows up faster than it should and tomorrow is a work day.
Health
This just continues to be so much "fun". Between Melissa and Dr. Vogel (GYN), I am now trying to quit smoking again. Pretty much I need to quit before I go get "gutted". Dr. Vogel tells me that is really my only risk for the surgery. Surgery - you are wondering?! Yes, I am going to be scheduled for a hysterectomy. I am just waiting for them to call me back and let me know when it will be. I am actually looking forward to this, even though I hate having to be in the hospital. It will mean the end of the problems I've been having for about a year now. Because I work from home and I do a desk job he tells me I will most likely need only a couple of weeks off from work. I'm thinking, maybe 3 or 4. I'll see what I can convince him to give me. I don't want to go back to soon and get run down. It will still take the same amount of time to completely heal (6 weeks, tops 8 weeks). I just won't miss a lot of work. Work will be happy and I won't get bored sitting around with nothing to do.
The only time constraint I put on scheduling the surgery is, I will be cruising from May 20th - May 27 and the surgery can't interfer with my vacation.
The cruise is booked, the flights are booked. Robert and I are going to the Southern Caribbean. Some much needed time together and stress relief.
Robert came down this past weekend. It was great to spend time together, be able to talk in person, just be together. We looked over the shore excursions and tried to narrow them down to what we wanted to do. We didn't quite get there but we got close. We'll try to get them figured out before the cruise so I can book them ahead of time.
It was tough dropping Robert off at the airport this morning knowning that I'm not going to see him until we go on the cruise. At least the cruise is less than 2 months away. It's time to start that packing list and to go out and buy any of those items that we will need. I started that already today since I don't want to buy them all at one time.
For now - that's it. It's almost time for bed since morning shows up faster than it should and tomorrow is a work day.
Monday, March 05, 2007
Stranger things can happen
I always read the obits in the Hartford Courant since it's one way that Iwill find out information that I may otherwise never learn.
Today, I learned my "fathers'" wife passed away on Saturday. No big deal to me. I met her once or twice and it was many years ago. She is someone I don't know and never had a desire to get to know. Out of curiosity I read the obit and I found out that I was listed as a step-daughter. They have some nerve. After all these years of little to no contact and me not even knowing who she is and she has no real idea who I am. As a matter of fact neither does anyone in my family. I can't believe they felt they needed to list me as a step-daughter.
What did surprise me and made me somewhat angry is they did NOT list Becky as a grand-child. They listed her other grandchildern. If they had the foresight to list me, they should have done the same for Becky. At least Becky still has contact with her Grandfather, though she doesn't see him.
To me it makes no sense to include one and not the other. Becky will soon turn 20 so even if they wrote the obit a little while back there would be no reason to exclude her.
My Aunt from Lebanon actually called me this afternoon to tell me about this since she did see my name in the obit. I thanked her for calling. We chatted for a few minutes and she let me get back to lunch and I'm sure she had other things to get done.
She is one of the only family members that I can trust.
Today, I learned my "fathers'" wife passed away on Saturday. No big deal to me. I met her once or twice and it was many years ago. She is someone I don't know and never had a desire to get to know. Out of curiosity I read the obit and I found out that I was listed as a step-daughter. They have some nerve. After all these years of little to no contact and me not even knowing who she is and she has no real idea who I am. As a matter of fact neither does anyone in my family. I can't believe they felt they needed to list me as a step-daughter.
What did surprise me and made me somewhat angry is they did NOT list Becky as a grand-child. They listed her other grandchildern. If they had the foresight to list me, they should have done the same for Becky. At least Becky still has contact with her Grandfather, though she doesn't see him.
To me it makes no sense to include one and not the other. Becky will soon turn 20 so even if they wrote the obit a little while back there would be no reason to exclude her.
My Aunt from Lebanon actually called me this afternoon to tell me about this since she did see my name in the obit. I thanked her for calling. We chatted for a few minutes and she let me get back to lunch and I'm sure she had other things to get done.
She is one of the only family members that I can trust.
Saturday, March 03, 2007
Time for an update
It's been a while since I've updated and I thought with all the "fun" I've been having I would give it a shot.
Doctor update:
I've seen Melissa a couple of more times since I've last posted. She has increased my Blood Pressure medication and she has put me on Byetta for the Pre-diabetes. I've had to make major changes to the way I eat by being on the med. I take a shot and have to eat about an hour after I take it.
My whole day revolves around when do I take my meds and when do I eat. My diet has also changed. It is now low-fat, low cholesterol and keep the sugar down. With the Byetta, Melissa told me I could lose 8 - 35 pounds. I've lost about 5 and I'm not even exercising yet.
It seems that no matter what I would have done before she put me on this medication, my body was wired to gain weight so all attempts to lose weight, was like running into a brick wall.
The shrink and I are still getting to know each other so he has me coming in about every 2 months. They had a DX on my bill of Bi-polar and I asked him why. I told him what is there doesn't really make a difference but it was something I never heard before. He told me, it wasn't suppose to be there and he waited a few months before he made a DX. He asked me what I thought my DX's were, so I told him the list.
He asked me what happens if I go off the Seroquel. Now Bernie probably remembers when I tried to change meds, spent the night in the Purple Pod and then stayed of my anti-psycotics (sp) for a couple of months. I couldn't stand to live with myself. I told John - I become self- destructive.
In my opinion, I'll be on a combo of meds for a very long time, Pam doesn't seem to think so.
Therapist
John has given me a few names to call to get hooked up with a therapist here in NC. All I have to do is find the time to make the phone calls.
GYN
And the fun begins. I have an appt. this week with a new GYN. I am over due for my yearly exam and just in case life isn't interesting enough, my period started last Saturday and the flood gates opened. Luckily, I still had Provera left from the last time and I was given the okay to take it. So not only do I get to meet the new doc, I get to dicuss this problem.
I've had my eyes checked and I have new glasses on the way.
And I still need to get a Dentist. And I do believe that it is for Doctors. Or it darn well better be.
And now some actual fun stuff.
Robert is coming down in a couple of weeks for the weekend. It's been since the end of January since we've seen each other. He is working on some of the things that he needs to get done up in Hartford so I'm hoping it won't be much longer before he can move.
I have booked a cruise for Robert and I on the Carnival Destiny on May 20th. It's a vacation we both are in much need of. We'll talk about it more when he comes down and I'll book the flights and get everything finalized. The cruise does the Southern Caribbean and goes to 2 Islands I haven't been to before: St. Lucia and Antigua. It sure helps to know that there is something fun to look forward to when things get stressful at work.
Doctor update:
I've seen Melissa a couple of more times since I've last posted. She has increased my Blood Pressure medication and she has put me on Byetta for the Pre-diabetes. I've had to make major changes to the way I eat by being on the med. I take a shot and have to eat about an hour after I take it.
My whole day revolves around when do I take my meds and when do I eat. My diet has also changed. It is now low-fat, low cholesterol and keep the sugar down. With the Byetta, Melissa told me I could lose 8 - 35 pounds. I've lost about 5 and I'm not even exercising yet.
It seems that no matter what I would have done before she put me on this medication, my body was wired to gain weight so all attempts to lose weight, was like running into a brick wall.
The shrink and I are still getting to know each other so he has me coming in about every 2 months. They had a DX on my bill of Bi-polar and I asked him why. I told him what is there doesn't really make a difference but it was something I never heard before. He told me, it wasn't suppose to be there and he waited a few months before he made a DX. He asked me what I thought my DX's were, so I told him the list.
He asked me what happens if I go off the Seroquel. Now Bernie probably remembers when I tried to change meds, spent the night in the Purple Pod and then stayed of my anti-psycotics (sp) for a couple of months. I couldn't stand to live with myself. I told John - I become self- destructive.
In my opinion, I'll be on a combo of meds for a very long time, Pam doesn't seem to think so.
Therapist
John has given me a few names to call to get hooked up with a therapist here in NC. All I have to do is find the time to make the phone calls.
GYN
And the fun begins. I have an appt. this week with a new GYN. I am over due for my yearly exam and just in case life isn't interesting enough, my period started last Saturday and the flood gates opened. Luckily, I still had Provera left from the last time and I was given the okay to take it. So not only do I get to meet the new doc, I get to dicuss this problem.
I've had my eyes checked and I have new glasses on the way.
And I still need to get a Dentist. And I do believe that it is for Doctors. Or it darn well better be.
And now some actual fun stuff.
Robert is coming down in a couple of weeks for the weekend. It's been since the end of January since we've seen each other. He is working on some of the things that he needs to get done up in Hartford so I'm hoping it won't be much longer before he can move.
I have booked a cruise for Robert and I on the Carnival Destiny on May 20th. It's a vacation we both are in much need of. We'll talk about it more when he comes down and I'll book the flights and get everything finalized. The cruise does the Southern Caribbean and goes to 2 Islands I haven't been to before: St. Lucia and Antigua. It sure helps to know that there is something fun to look forward to when things get stressful at work.
Friday, December 22, 2006
Getting to Be Christmas
Christmas is just around the corner - where has the time gone?
I still have presents to wrap, though just a few. Becky will be down after Christmas and we'll go shopping and she'll get to pick out her present(s). Though I did get her a couple of little things. I'll be going to Cami's for the day and I picked her up a couple of small things.
This year I put up a tree because it was something I wanted to do. I can't remember the last time that happened. Normally, I put up a tree but I am expected to by my daughter and it stays up the shortest amount of time possible.
On Wednesday I saw my pdoc for a med check and left with 5 scripts to send in for mail order. The joys of living through chemicals.
On Thursday I went for a Gloucose Tollerance Test (GTT). That's an all morning ordeal. Needing to be at the doctors office for 8 a.m. (they have their own lab) and doing the necessary labs when you get there and twice after and finally the very hurtful finger prick before you get to leave. But not before you are handed juice and crackers to raise you blood sugar level. I also had a physical. This is the 3rd time that I've seen my new doctor. So far she has added 2 new prescription meds and 2 OTC meds to my already long list of meds. She is already planning on what med she is going to put me on when she sees the results of the GTT.
I've been trying to watch what I eat since I've last seen her 6 weeks ago and I've only lost a couple of pounds which I guess is good considering my body makeup is such that it is going to cause me to gain weight right now. Based on the results of my test and the med she puts me on, I'll at least stop gaining and it should make it easier for me to lose weight. So, all this time when I've tried to lose weight, it was a battle that I wasn't going to win no matter what.
Isn't so nice when your body works against everything you are trying to do. NOT!
I still have presents to wrap, though just a few. Becky will be down after Christmas and we'll go shopping and she'll get to pick out her present(s). Though I did get her a couple of little things. I'll be going to Cami's for the day and I picked her up a couple of small things.
This year I put up a tree because it was something I wanted to do. I can't remember the last time that happened. Normally, I put up a tree but I am expected to by my daughter and it stays up the shortest amount of time possible.
On Wednesday I saw my pdoc for a med check and left with 5 scripts to send in for mail order. The joys of living through chemicals.
On Thursday I went for a Gloucose Tollerance Test (GTT). That's an all morning ordeal. Needing to be at the doctors office for 8 a.m. (they have their own lab) and doing the necessary labs when you get there and twice after and finally the very hurtful finger prick before you get to leave. But not before you are handed juice and crackers to raise you blood sugar level. I also had a physical. This is the 3rd time that I've seen my new doctor. So far she has added 2 new prescription meds and 2 OTC meds to my already long list of meds. She is already planning on what med she is going to put me on when she sees the results of the GTT.
I've been trying to watch what I eat since I've last seen her 6 weeks ago and I've only lost a couple of pounds which I guess is good considering my body makeup is such that it is going to cause me to gain weight right now. Based on the results of my test and the med she puts me on, I'll at least stop gaining and it should make it easier for me to lose weight. So, all this time when I've tried to lose weight, it was a battle that I wasn't going to win no matter what.
Isn't so nice when your body works against everything you are trying to do. NOT!
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