Does Anyone Read This.

It has been forever since I've posted but since no one has mentioned it, I guess no one is really reading my Blog.

Stuff has been happening but mainly, I'm tired and stressed these days.

I suppose if you are really interested in what has been happening you can post a reply and I will write more. This way I'll see if anyone is really reading this.

Oh that Darn Medical Stuff

So, it seems everytime I go to the doctor, something has to be out of whack. I guess I wouldn't be me if that wasn't true.

My regular doctor (Melissa) is on Maternity leave so I saw Jeremy this time to review my labs and talk about what's going on. The good news is I lost more weight. The bad news is my A1C level went up. Strange but true.
The other bad news is my BP was up. Yup, way up there at 144/90. I had the work week from hell last week and it sure showed. Jeremy increased my BP med and has me taking my BP at home and I have to stop in the office in a couple of weeks for them to check it. He will then decide if he'll keep me on the dose he has me on or up it some more. The good news about this is, so far at home, it's been pretty much in the normal range. Of course, I haven't been totally stressed out so there has been no true test.

The other thing he talked about doing was adding yet another med to my already long list. This one to help keep my sugar level in check. Melissa has talked about it but hasn't yet. For some reason my Cholesterol level didn't get done when I went for labs last time so I have until the beginning of Nov. to see if he will do something with that.

I've taken the jump and I'm going to try once again to quit smoking. I'm using Chantix this time. This med can have some really ugly side effects but it's day 2 and so far, so good. Day 4 there is actually an increase in the medication so that will be a big test and I believe Day 6 there is an increase. On Day 8 and on going, you stay on the same dose. So it's just a matter of a short time and I'll know if I can take it or not.

I've started seeing a therapist down her. I've seen her twice and we are still in the "getting to know you" phase. But so far so good. And me being me - we jumped right in this week with the self-care stuff. Hey - why wait until she knows more about me. Let her work for her money!
I talk with Pam on Monday and I don't know when Dr. Gold and Pam will get to talk and get caught up on things. I've told Dr. Gold some background stuff but there is still more to tell.


Maggie will be coming down with Ryan for a visit next week. Cami and Lydia will be driving up to get them and bring them down so they don't have to take the bus. This is their own vacation, get-a-way from all that has been going on.

More - later.

Time Marches On

Things have been a little busy around here lately as I try to stay on top of everything that is going on.

Everything with my surgery went fine. I went to my follow-up appointment and all was well. Unless I have any problems, I don't have to go back to see him until next year.

My friend Maggie (who has Lupus), was in the hospital for about a week but didn't tell any of us until after she was released. She was in the cardiac care unit. Her Lupus has attacked her heart. It is moving into more of her organs. She didn't want to tell any of us because she didn't want us to worry.
We not only worry about her physical health, we all worry about her mental health.
Her husband just doesn't want to get it. It is all about him and he doesn't care how Maggie feels. If things are done the way he wants he isn't happy. The only thing to his credit is he does work 2 jobs. What he did so wrong this time around, was not take any time off from either job while she was in the hospital. He didn't even ask. It was an inconvience for him. He had to make sure that their son had a place to be during the day and night. He wouldn't ask for time off because he's going out to CA. in August. His true colors showed through this time around. He has never wanted to see what Maggie couldn't do but this is the worst he has been.
I believe he understands she can't do everything and that her Lupus limits how much she can actually get done but I don't think he wants to "see" it. He just expects her to keep doing no matter what.

So, for her sanity and health, Cami and Lydia, will be going to NJ to get Maggie and Ryan and bring them to NC when Maggie gets the all clear from her Doctor (probably in August). She will get some well needed rest and Ryan will get to have some fun and not worry about his Mom. Something he doesn't get to do very often.

Robert is coming down this coming weekend. He is flying down on Friday night and going back on Sunday, early evening. It's always a short stay when he comes down but it sure is better than him not coming down at all. It's hard to let him go after he's been here. I just want him to stay home with me.
That day is coming soon and I'm happy about it. The plan is: he will be moving down in August, sometime after the 18th. I'll check my work schedule and any appointments that I have and see if I can fly up and then drive back with him. It's been a long time coming. I know there will be an adjustment period since we haven't lived together before. There are also some other issues that need to be cleared up but they will all get handled in time. But that will happen.

Things are finally falling into place. Sometimes we just have to wait before the good things happen.

Stuff

Okay, so I noticed that I haven't updated this since April. I guess it's time since it's now getting near the end of June. Where does the time go?

I still haven't gotten a new therapist or dentist. On my to do list but they haven't been the priority recently. I do need to get busy on these since I do believe it's time to get this taken care of.

I took a cruise in May and had a good time. It was long over due and as everyone knows vacation is never long enough. And for those of you addicted to cruising, I'm ready for the next one. Good thing I have one booked at the end of Oct. This is a group cruise with the 'Cruise Fools' and I'm going with Bernie.

I've been on medical leave since June 5th. I had a hysterectomy. They sent me home from the hospital on June 6th. I stayed with a friend until Sunday and then came home. Right now I don't even feel like I went through surgey. I still get tired when I do a bunch of stuff but then again my body is still healing. I go back to work on Monday and I'm ready. I need something to challenge my mind. Try as I may, I do get bored and I can't keep my mind occupied during the day and that leads to me getting bummed out.

Robert is planning on moving down in August. He is in the process of getting everything in place to move. He is going to be selling some of his larger items that makes more sense to sell then to move. He has also been taking care of a bunch of smaller things that need to get done before he moves. The move has been long awaited. Being apart has been tough on both of us. He has come down to visit a few times but it's just not the same. It doesn't fill the void that comes when he is not here and he has the same problem. There will be an adjustment period when he does move in. We have never lived together but we will work anything out that comes up. We have managed to work through everything that has come over the past year or so. It hasn't always been easy but we've been able to do it. I think it has made our relationship strong.

That's the recap for now. It's early and I've only been awake for about an hour.

How to stop the Killings

Everyone wants to know how do we stop the killings. They try to get inside the heads of these kids who go and shoot up school campus'.

Doesn't it all begin at home. Doesn't it all start with open communication and parents who care, support and who are there for their children? Children should not be afraid to go to their parents if things are going wrong. Children should not be afraid to go to any adult if things are going wrong in their life.

Schools should not allow students to bully other students. If they know it is happening and allow it to continue - then the school becomes at fault for anything that may happen.

If the school notices a student may be depressed or has other mental health issues, they should not be afraid to go to the parents and tell them what they have observed and parents should not get defensive that their child could in no way have a problem. All children have problems and they all handle them differently.
A number of mental health issues are biological in nature but they still need to be treated. Parents need to stop being afraid of the stigma that was once attached to mental health issues and if their kids need it, get them help. The same with the kids.

If everyone pulls together for the good of the students, doesn't it only stand to reason, that there would be less violence on school campuses. If everyone treated the next person with respect, doesn't it stand to reason there would be less violence. If everyone tried to help out the next person, doesn't it stand to reason there would be less violence.

There is a pattern here - if you can't help the person out, the next person might be able to, don't turn your back on someone because you don't have the answer, find someone who can help, that might be the only way that you can help.

VT Tech Killings

The needless killings this week at VT could have been prevented if everything that everyone tried to do over the past couple of years would have worked.
People tried to get this guy help and it always fell through or he didn't follow through.
I am not backing him up in any way but he was obviously very distribed and needed psych help which he refused to get on his own.
He either knew how to play the system when they put him in the hospital or he just plainly fooled the doctors. In either case, the let him out when they should have kept him in. Of course, he didn't want to be in. For a lot of people being kept in a locked facility carries a stigma with it. One they don't want attached with their name. They don't want people to know they have mental health issues.
If he would have been forced to stay in the hospital, he would never have been able to purchase the guns but I'm sure he would have found a different way to get them.
If he would have listened to his teacher and went for help, someone would have realized how bad off he was and he would have gotten the help he needed.
This is one case where people tried and it did not work. It doesn't mean they didn't try hard enough - their hands were tied. You can't force someone to get help unless they are a danger to themselves or someone else and if you know how to play the system, you can convince the doctors in any facility you are ready to go home.

Did his parents know that he was as bad off as he was? That is one thing we haven't heard yet. If they did, did they encourage their son to get help or to hid his problems so it would not relfect bad on the family (like so many others do). Did they add to him learning to hide and not seek help? I'm not blaming the parents, it's the way they were raised, it is all they know.

We, as a country, have to stop making such a being deal out of people seeking psych help. It actually shows a sign of courage and not weakness like so many believe.
There are many reasons why people need help and no matter what the reason is, no one should be discouraged from seeking help.
We also can't blame others for our problems, as this person has done. We are each responsible for our own actions and our own choices.
Please make your choices wisely and consider your actions and how they will effect the lives of others.

My sympathies to all of those who lost loved ones at VT and I pray that you come out of this a stronger person because of this senseless tragedy.

Just Time for an Update

It's been a while since I've updated so I thought it was to catch everyone up on what has been happening.

Health

This just continues to be so much "fun". Between Melissa and Dr. Vogel (GYN), I am now trying to quit smoking again. Pretty much I need to quit before I go get "gutted". Dr. Vogel tells me that is really my only risk for the surgery. Surgery - you are wondering?! Yes, I am going to be scheduled for a hysterectomy. I am just waiting for them to call me back and let me know when it will be. I am actually looking forward to this, even though I hate having to be in the hospital. It will mean the end of the problems I've been having for about a year now. Because I work from home and I do a desk job he tells me I will most likely need only a couple of weeks off from work. I'm thinking, maybe 3 or 4. I'll see what I can convince him to give me. I don't want to go back to soon and get run down. It will still take the same amount of time to completely heal (6 weeks, tops 8 weeks). I just won't miss a lot of work. Work will be happy and I won't get bored sitting around with nothing to do.

The only time constraint I put on scheduling the surgery is, I will be cruising from May 20th - May 27 and the surgery can't interfer with my vacation.

The cruise is booked, the flights are booked. Robert and I are going to the Southern Caribbean. Some much needed time together and stress relief.
Robert came down this past weekend. It was great to spend time together, be able to talk in person, just be together. We looked over the shore excursions and tried to narrow them down to what we wanted to do. We didn't quite get there but we got close. We'll try to get them figured out before the cruise so I can book them ahead of time.

It was tough dropping Robert off at the airport this morning knowning that I'm not going to see him until we go on the cruise. At least the cruise is less than 2 months away. It's time to start that packing list and to go out and buy any of those items that we will need. I started that already today since I don't want to buy them all at one time.


For now - that's it. It's almost time for bed since morning shows up faster than it should and tomorrow is a work day.

Stranger things can happen

I always read the obits in the Hartford Courant since it's one way that Iwill find out information that I may otherwise never learn.

Today, I learned my "fathers'" wife passed away on Saturday. No big deal to me. I met her once or twice and it was many years ago. She is someone I don't know and never had a desire to get to know. Out of curiosity I read the obit and I found out that I was listed as a step-daughter. They have some nerve. After all these years of little to no contact and me not even knowing who she is and she has no real idea who I am. As a matter of fact neither does anyone in my family. I can't believe they felt they needed to list me as a step-daughter.
What did surprise me and made me somewhat angry is they did NOT list Becky as a grand-child. They listed her other grandchildern. If they had the foresight to list me, they should have done the same for Becky. At least Becky still has contact with her Grandfather, though she doesn't see him.

To me it makes no sense to include one and not the other. Becky will soon turn 20 so even if they wrote the obit a little while back there would be no reason to exclude her.

My Aunt from Lebanon actually called me this afternoon to tell me about this since she did see my name in the obit. I thanked her for calling. We chatted for a few minutes and she let me get back to lunch and I'm sure she had other things to get done.
She is one of the only family members that I can trust.

Time for an update

It's been a while since I've updated and I thought with all the "fun" I've been having I would give it a shot.

Doctor update:
I've seen Melissa a couple of more times since I've last posted. She has increased my Blood Pressure medication and she has put me on Byetta for the Pre-diabetes. I've had to make major changes to the way I eat by being on the med. I take a shot and have to eat about an hour after I take it.
My whole day revolves around when do I take my meds and when do I eat. My diet has also changed. It is now low-fat, low cholesterol and keep the sugar down. With the Byetta, Melissa told me I could lose 8 - 35 pounds. I've lost about 5 and I'm not even exercising yet.
It seems that no matter what I would have done before she put me on this medication, my body was wired to gain weight so all attempts to lose weight, was like running into a brick wall.

The shrink and I are still getting to know each other so he has me coming in about every 2 months. They had a DX on my bill of Bi-polar and I asked him why. I told him what is there doesn't really make a difference but it was something I never heard before. He told me, it wasn't suppose to be there and he waited a few months before he made a DX. He asked me what I thought my DX's were, so I told him the list.
He asked me what happens if I go off the Seroquel. Now Bernie probably remembers when I tried to change meds, spent the night in the Purple Pod and then stayed of my anti-psycotics (sp) for a couple of months. I couldn't stand to live with myself. I told John - I become self- destructive.
In my opinion, I'll be on a combo of meds for a very long time, Pam doesn't seem to think so.

Therapist
John has given me a few names to call to get hooked up with a therapist here in NC. All I have to do is find the time to make the phone calls.

GYN
And the fun begins. I have an appt. this week with a new GYN. I am over due for my yearly exam and just in case life isn't interesting enough, my period started last Saturday and the flood gates opened. Luckily, I still had Provera left from the last time and I was given the okay to take it. So not only do I get to meet the new doc, I get to dicuss this problem.

I've had my eyes checked and I have new glasses on the way.
And I still need to get a Dentist. And I do believe that it is for Doctors. Or it darn well better be.

And now some actual fun stuff.

Robert is coming down in a couple of weeks for the weekend. It's been since the end of January since we've seen each other. He is working on some of the things that he needs to get done up in Hartford so I'm hoping it won't be much longer before he can move.

I have booked a cruise for Robert and I on the Carnival Destiny on May 20th. It's a vacation we both are in much need of. We'll talk about it more when he comes down and I'll book the flights and get everything finalized. The cruise does the Southern Caribbean and goes to 2 Islands I haven't been to before: St. Lucia and Antigua. It sure helps to know that there is something fun to look forward to when things get stressful at work.

Getting to Be Christmas

Christmas is just around the corner - where has the time gone?

I still have presents to wrap, though just a few. Becky will be down after Christmas and we'll go shopping and she'll get to pick out her present(s). Though I did get her a couple of little things. I'll be going to Cami's for the day and I picked her up a couple of small things.

This year I put up a tree because it was something I wanted to do. I can't remember the last time that happened. Normally, I put up a tree but I am expected to by my daughter and it stays up the shortest amount of time possible.

On Wednesday I saw my pdoc for a med check and left with 5 scripts to send in for mail order. The joys of living through chemicals.

On Thursday I went for a Gloucose Tollerance Test (GTT). That's an all morning ordeal. Needing to be at the doctors office for 8 a.m. (they have their own lab) and doing the necessary labs when you get there and twice after and finally the very hurtful finger prick before you get to leave. But not before you are handed juice and crackers to raise you blood sugar level. I also had a physical. This is the 3rd time that I've seen my new doctor. So far she has added 2 new prescription meds and 2 OTC meds to my already long list of meds. She is already planning on what med she is going to put me on when she sees the results of the GTT.

I've been trying to watch what I eat since I've last seen her 6 weeks ago and I've only lost a couple of pounds which I guess is good considering my body makeup is such that it is going to cause me to gain weight right now. Based on the results of my test and the med she puts me on, I'll at least stop gaining and it should make it easier for me to lose weight. So, all this time when I've tried to lose weight, it was a battle that I wasn't going to win no matter what.
Isn't so nice when your body works against everything you are trying to do. NOT!

This week at Work

One would think that being a short work week (we only had to work 3 days), things would be fairly laid back and easy. After all half the people were out.

Boy, were we in for a big surprise. Monday was a "normal" work day. Pretty much uneventful. Same crap from the customers, same crap that had to be taken care of.
Tuesday morning I logged on early since we had to see why a client didn't get their file and yup it fell into my lap. While checking that out my boss calls me before 6:30 a.m.
Now, my boss and I never talk before 7:30 a.m. He tells me we have problems. I proceed to let him know that I'm looking into this file. He says we need to check that out but we have bigger problems. That nothing ran Monday night, there were Mainframe problems and he was on conference calls with the other managers and the tech guys. They had decided that they were not going to run the batch for Monday night and double up for Tuesday. That works nicely for most of the systems but not for the billing system. We have never doubled up on the billing system before.

We talked when everyone got in because some of the jobs ran before the system decided to take a hit and then some of the jobs ran in the morning after they got the system to limp along.
Our plan was to try to get them to let us run day time, complete Monday's cycle and be on track for Tuesday night. HA! Everyone said no. The system was up and running but they didn't have it completely up and running and they couldn't allow us to chew up all the CPU cycles.

Shift gears, who can work that night to babysit the Billing System and the 2 other systems that we own. It turns out that anyone not on vacation, ended up working that night. There were 1 or 2 people not involved in the recovery so there were a few people in during the day as those of us who stayed all night slowly left and went home to sleep.
I only slept a couple of hours, did a couple of errands and logged back on to relieve the person who was staying to someone else came back. Of course there were a number of jobs that had failed because data was available to send to outside clients or the connections weren't working right. So, I kept getting hit with those errors. We were lucky because the Tech guy we were working with, was very flexible and picked up a lot of the slack on this for us. He didn't have to.

In between trouble shooting, we have our customers asking us to do things they can do themselves (nothing new), trying to figure out how to run Tuesday nights processing which would actually be Tues/Wed processing.

People working Wednesday night started to float in around 5 p.m. I stayed on for awhile on Wednesday but there wasn't much I could do except watch and check out a few jobs. I told them if they needed me to call, wake me if they had to. I just can't work those hours like I used to!
When I woke up on Turkey day - they were still working, trying to get some critical pieces of the processing done. They eventually called someone who had retired to help them out so they could get through the processing.

I logged off yesterday around 11 and they were still on. I checked around 12:30 and thankfully they were all logged off. One of the guys gets on last night and sends me an IM to see if I know about some outside Client. Now he is one of the guys that worked both Tuesday and Wednesday night. Luckily the problem turned out not to be ours and the other area figured out what they needed to do but I had already logged onto work. I also switch the on call list and put myself on call a couple of days early.
I just need a ton of prayers right now that everything will run smoothly next week. I don't know if I can handle being up all night most nights next week.

That was our short holiday week. That week that should be fairly easy and quiet at work. There is some clean up and followup to do and I know I'm going to try and get my stuff at least started today or tomorrow.

Life in the FAST lane!

More on Doctors

I had 2 doctors appointments this week. How does one person get so lucky.
My first appt was with my new pdoc or actually the PA that works in the office. He is very nice and knows my PA that is my PCP. Of course they were running behind but after he picked up my chart, it was about a 1/2 hour before he came out to get me. The receptionist told me he had my chart and she didn't know what was taking so long. It turns out that he was reading all the medical information that I provided (I have very detailed information) and he was trying to figure out what he needed to ask.
He told me I was a pretty complicated case - though I am stable in the psych area at this time. He didn't rush through anything and didn't try to just push me out the door. I like the fact that he is going to take his cues from me as to what needs to be done with my psych meds. I go back to see him in 6 weeks more so to get to know each other better than anything else. He also wants me to meet the psychiatrist in case there is ever a need that I need to see him, I won't be dealing with a stranger.

I also saw Melissa (PA - PCP) and she reviewed my lab results with me. Oh what fun that was - NOT!
Here's the deal with this: I am now taking meds for high blood pressure and for high cholesterol. I am scheduled for a Glucose Tolerance Test on 12/21 and she'll do a physcial on the same day since I'll be there for so long. They'll also repeat some of the labs, I believe. And she added Fish Oil Capsules also. I'm going to have to get bigger med containers at this rate.
Melissa is almost postive that I have Diabetes but the GTT will tell her that and depending on the results I'll be put on another med.

Of course, it is time to change what I eat and I need to get some exercise in. At some point, I need to quit smoking again but she isn't pushing that yet - she said she knows how hard it is to quit. I'm just happy she isn't making me eat fish!

Now I need to get a GYN and Melissa has given me the name of a place to call. If I didn't have abnormal Paps - she would do them but I wouldn't be normal if I wasn't abnormal.

Then the final doctor to get - the dentist. I'm due for a cleaning in Jan so it's almost time to get busy with that one so they will be able to get my records before my appt.

For now, I'm still using my therapist in CT and I"m in no rush to change that. At some point Pam and I will decide if continuing with phone sessions is good enough, stopping therapy for a while might be okay or getting a new therapist here would be a good idea. For now, it works so we don't try to fix it.

New Doctors

Met my new PA for Internal Medicine yesterday. Did the basic new patient appointment and reviewed my medical history, and there is enough to keep her busy for awhile.
She was curious as to why I wasn't on meds for cholesteral - told her my doc didn't want to put me on any more meds. She informed me that they wouldn't interact with my psych meds at all.
I also found out that "white coat" hypertension, really means that you have high blood pressure. Just because it goes down while you are in the office doesn't mean they don't have to take it seriously.
The other thing I found out is The side effects listed for Seroquel or any other meds that list diabetes - doesn't really give you diabetes. It actually brings out what you would normally get sooner than you would have gotten it anyway. This means since I'm predisposed to it, it has nothing to do with the med - it's the way of my life.

Melissa (PA) has started me on an asprin a day until I see her in 2 weeks for my physical. I went to visit the Vampire today. It's nice they do it right in the office. She'll go over the lab results and give me a copy and talk about an action plan all at the same time as the physical.

Basically the bottom line is, according to Melissa - I'm a heart attack waiting to happen. Nice, huh. But the good news is - she says we can turn that around.

I can't wait to see what she tells me in 2 weeks.

What is wrong with People these days?

What is wrong with people these days? There have been so many killings. People going into schools and shooting innocent children. Lately I've read more and more cases of child abuse - physical in nature where the child has died. These are little kids, that did nothing wrong.
Senators behaving in ways that are not appropriate. Every where you look these days, someone is doing something they shouldn't be.

In some of the cases, these poeple had been abused when they were younger or had abused others. They kept those secrets and eventually that anger had to go somewhere. Instead of getting themselves professional help, they have taken it out on others. Others, that had nothing to do with their pain and suffering.
With all the awareness of sexual abuse these days, anyone who has been abused should seek help once they know or suspect it has happened to them. It no longer has to be kept a secret. Every one has a choice to make. They can either become an abuser themselves or they can get help and stop the cycle. The strong ones, stop the cycle.
For the guy who killed the Amish girls, who struggled with the death of his infant daughter and who also was having dreams of abusing children again, it would have shown strength on his part to go and get help. Instead, he took it out on those who had nothing to do with his pain. The only good that came of it, was he killed himself.
And what about the kids who go into the schools and kill other kids. They have habored anger, a lot of the times because they have been bullied. These kids are depressed and even if they are being treated, no one is taking notice as to how they are doing or what they are doing. If they had more parental guidance and parents paid more attention to where their kids went on the internet, things may be different.
There will always be killings, kidnappings and rapes but, it just seems to keep getting worse not matter what is done to try and stop it.

How do we (as a country), get all these people to understand that violence does not solve anything?

Time for an Update

It's been awhile since I've posted. Since I didn't go back and read my last post, if any of this is duplicated - sorry, you'll just have to put up with it.

I'm in NC, in the house and somewhat settled in. There are still boxes all over that need to be unpacked and I still don't know where some of the things are going.
But I'm HERE!!!!! I'm working from home and things are working out great on that front!
Speaking of work, my manager called the other day and I got a 7.2% increase. The department average is 3.5% so I wondered (only for a second or two), who got less because I got more. Oh well, not mine to worry about.

Robert isn't here yet. He's been trying but everything just seems to be going wrong in CT. He wanted to trade his car for a different on before he came down. It should have been a fairly easy thing to do but NO, not in this case. Because I co-sign on the loan and I just moved, that became issue number 1 that had to be explained to the bank. He wanted to keep the payments below a certain amount so the dealership (VW in West Hartford), tried different types of financing (me first, Robert first, me alone). Well, they couldn't do me alone because I had switched my insurance to NC already.
BTW - the finance guy there is an idiot, don't go deal with him. He doesn't fully answer questions and says everything is all set even when it isn't.

There was information that Robert had to give them. He would bring it in, with the understanding he would be able to pick up the car and when he got there, he would be told of another problem with the paper work or that they needed more information. When he tried to back out of the deal, they told him they already paid off the other car, even though he didn't have one to legally drive (until they put dealer plates on it). My question, if they paid off the other car, why is there still a problem with the loan papers on this one? He had no answer and trying to get the right information from the finance guy was like talking to a teenager who only gives you part of the information. Robert called from his office one day and I talked with him to make sure that everything was all set. He told me things were all set now and everything was fine. I tried to ask more questions, like why it was taking so long or something like that. And he just repeated that everything was all set. He blew me off and it wasn't because I was female. Robert wasn't getting any better information. It still took another 3 or 4 days before they were ready to register the car.
One would think that would be the end of this tale but it's not. It's get deeper and deeper. When they go to do the final registration, they find that Roberts birthday on the old registration is wrong and they can't fix it. He has to go to motor vehicle to get it fixed. He has to get some paperwork sent to them before they can register it, in the mean time he has some temporary registration.
All I keep saying is: I can't wait to get the customer survey form about this sale!!

When I moved I made a decision not to tell my "father" and "sister" that I was moving. When I got here I sent out change of address forms and only notified 3 of my relatives that I had moved and informed them that I didn't want them telling anyone else where I was. I knew I could trust them. I also sent one to Bernie with notes inside to my "father" and "sister" which stated: that I had moved and at this time, I had decided not to tell them where I was. If there was any family news that they needed to get to me, they could call Bernie and I gave them her number.
She then mailed them from CT. This way they didn't know I was out of state.

Bernie received a call from my "sister", which she told me about. Of course when she told me she had a phone call for me, I started laughing. I don't think she had stopped laughing since she heard the message.
The message basically said: "Hi Bernie this is Judy. You can tell my sibling that if she is still that (I'm guessing angry), she can read about any family news in the newspaper. I consider this an act of divorce.
Once again she has taken things to the extreme and has read them her own way! She doesn't know that others in the family have my address and phone number to contact me. One of the reasons I moved was to eliminate the contact from both of them. They just didn't get I didn't want to hear from them.

I suppose that is all for now. I should go make something to eat and then do some more unpacking. Those elves still haven't shown up to help me do that task.

Happenings

Today was my last day of work until 9/6 when I start working from home in NC.

Work has really sucked lately. I have been stuck working on some stuff, that though it isn't that hard, I was just dumped into with little to no direction because the other person who works on it, has been stretched to thin. To make it more fun and interesting, we end up having to change the same programs and jobs so everything has to be coordinated all the time. This is our Affinity business where Brokers are out selling discounted insurance to different companies and they promise these companies that they can start by a certain date and then of course we need to meet those dates. They do ask if we can make it, but by the time it gets to us, it's pretty much a done deal. Our management has to start pushing back and not let the customers walk all over us. We don't have time to breathe right now. There is one person who is currently working full time on this. They have me working about 90% of my time on this, oh wait, I think that is really all my time and anything else I just squeeze in. And there is one more person who is working part-time on it. They are hiring someone who will be working full-time on this once they are up to speed. I have made it very clear that if I have to keep working on this, I will be an unhappy camper and I will be bored when things are not as "hot" as they are now. Hopefully my boss took the hint.
We've been having 2 - 3 meeting a day to check on the status of the "hot" projects. If he would just leave us alone and let us do our job, things wouldn't take so long.
It's not going to be any better when I start back to work and if there are any problems with any of the systems that I support, it's a juggling act to get all of it done.

Now for what you are probably more interested in - the move!

Things are moving along. My closing date is now the 28th and I'm pre-signing the papers and my lawyer will make my deposit so I can get on the road as early as possible. My closing in NC is on the 31st. Finding Homeowners' insurance has been a challenge and I have finally found someone who will write the policy. NC has some very strange insurance laws and companies have some very strange rules themselves. I still need to get my car insurance but that is a piece of cake.
The house is almost all packed up except for the dreaded basement. I think most of what is left down there is going curbside. If I haven't used it or looked at it in this long, I see no reason to bring it with me. The garbage me must love coming to my house. If I get up in time tomorrow, I will put more stuff out. The week after, they will have some of my stuff and stuff from the people who bought my house.

I'm running on empty these days and the only thing that is keeping me going right now is the 'death by chocolate' that I've been eating today. I guess it's true that if you eat enough sugar you can get hyper.

I'll keep you updated on the move and happenings.

Time For an Update

It's been some time since I provided an update and there's been a whole lot going on. Some of this really belongs on my other Blog but I have enough trouble keeping one updated, never mind two.

My house is under deposit and the buyers have until 8/8 to secure a mortgage. From what my realator tells me, everything is on track and there shouldn't be any problems. The currently scheduled closing date is 8/25.

We (yes, Robert is coming with me) have made an offer on a house in Leland, NC and it was accepted. I am in the process of signing papers for a mortgage and gathering all the necessary papers together to send back to NC. The scheduled closing there is 8/31.

As you can tell, it's going to be a very busy month - the problem right now is, I'm having trouble getting going. I've been very tired lately and I'm not sure why. I'm just going to have to push through it to get everything done. The good news is, I've already made a big dent in things when I needed to declutter.

If anyone knows of anyone looking for a hutch and dining room table, I have one that can be had for cheap. I'm not moving that with me. I also have a portable punching bag that I'm willing to part with. There may be other things I'm willing to part with, just ask, you never know what might be available. There are things I'm just not using or I just don't want to take.

Things with Robert and I are going ok. We've had our ups and downs but we always come out on the good side of things. We still have things to work out and I believe we will be able to do it. Right now we are both under a lot of stress (not that it is an excuse) and that doesn't help.

I talked with my Real Estate Agent in NC this afternoon and while we were talking she told me that the house we are buying was connected to the county sewer this past weekend! WOOOHOOO! ! ! Sure beats the septic system! Such strange things we get excited over.

That's it for now. Except that I'm looking for people to help me clean out the mess in the basement. Any volunteers? ! ?

Relationship Update - and other stuff

I think I'll start with the other stuff. I went to the doctor for my post op check up on Thursday and all is well. Now, I get to do something I don't do well at all - wait and see what happens. See if the D&C fixed the problem. If I start bleeding heavy again, I'm going to have a fit! Enough of this already! He can just make it all go away. I don't want to have to move and still have a problem that needs to be taken care of. As far as I'm concerned, he can remove all those internal parts since they aren't being of any use at all. Now, what I would really like is for the bleeding to stop all together and not come back - but with the luck I have, I am not counting on that.

Work has finally started to slow down and isn't as crazy as it was a little over a week ago. This is a good thing since I couldn't keep up that pace much longer without taking someone out. Okay, not really but I was damn close. Just ask anyone I work with. Right now the "fun" is doing our 2 (yes, I said 2) monthly status reports and our mid-year reviews. The status reports are due on Tuesday and the mid-year reviews are due on 7/7.

I gave in this week and increased my mid-day dose of Seroquel. I see my shrink on Tuesday and I'll let him know then. I can see a difference and as much as I hate to admit it, I may need to leave it at this does for awhile. Between work, waiting for the house to sell and Robert and I working on our relationship, I need to keep myself on level ground. I can't be fighting urges all the time, even if they aren't that bad.

It's sort of funny, not in a laughing sort of way, that Robert has been telling me for awhile now, that he feels like he is dealing with 2 or 3 different people when we get in a discussion/arguement. I really didn't get what he meant because he couldn't really explain it. He knew what he meant but didn't know how to tell me. He was telling me constantly I was controlling and I just didn't see it. I don't believe he meant it in the way that I was taking it. He told me he wouldn't argue with me, and my reply would be that we were having a discussion. I didn't see that I was snapping at him when I was getting angry. And he couldn't or wouldn't take the chance of trying to explain to me what he saw going on without making me worse.
Well, I had let him borrow a book called 'Sometimes I Act Crazy' and he had returned it and I've been reading it. Things have started to really fall into place for me and a number of things make sense now. I told him I understand better what he has been trying to say. He responded with, you didn't believe me but you will believe the book or Pam. I told him it wasn't that I didn't believe what he said but I needed to understand what was happening and he couldn't really explain it.
He knew exactly what was happening, he could see it but I couldn't, not with the BPD taking charge. He didn't know how to explain it to me.
This caused a major catch 22 for us.

He wanted to give me time to calm down and get my thoughts together because he didn't want to deal with me when I was angry. The more he stayed away and didn't call, the angrier I became. When he came over, we were always having serious conversations that usually ended up with nothing getting resolved.
I know this isn't the only issue we need to deal with, but it is a big one.
We have both made agreements:
If Robert says something that makes me angry, I need to find a different outlet
for my anger, instead of lashing out at him. What he says may make me angry
but, I am usually not angry at him.

Robert for his part, will not "disappear" when things get tough. Which has been
his usual way of dealing with things.

I have also asked him, that when he tells me he needs to deal with "stuff", that he at the very least needs to let me know what the stuff is. Otherwise I think he is keeping secrets, hiding things from me. I have even started to ask him to tell me when he says he has stuff to do, what it is that he has to take care of.
One of his big things here is, that he doesn't want to put more on me than I already have. My solution to this was - you can tell me what it is you need to deal with, without going into all the details, if you don't want to put to much on me but I'm here if you want to talk.

We are also going to try to spend more time just enjoying being together and not always talking about things that have to get done. Eliminate some of the stress in the relationship. Nothing has been finalized but he seems to be more willing to try this time. I think the thought of me almost telling him to walk out the door and my life made him realize how serious I was about everything I was telling him.

We still need to find the right balance in all of this and it will take a little time. But now that we both have an understanding of what was happening, we can try to "fix" it, one day at a time, one step at a time.

MEN ARE JERKS! (but we already knew that)

We'll get to the men soon....

It's been a trying couple of weeks for me and they just don't seem to end. There is always something going on which adds more stress and challenges (is this really the right word?) to my life.

They hired someone at work to take over the 'crappy' system that I work on. We were suppose to start documenting it and I was also suppose to start training him on the other system I support but one of the other Team Members has decided to retire at the end of this month. So much for getting rid of the crappy system and the crappy users.

But what the heck, there is an open position and maybe I'll get another shot at working on something else.

I had a D&C on Wednesday and I'm hoping things get just a little better than they are now. Things were on Thursday, I was just tired, as expected. Things took a slight turn downhill on Friday but nothing, according to the take home instructions, out of the ordinary. Well, this nothing better go away soon because I'm darn tired of it. I was told everything went fine with the D&C. They took some biopsies and I see my doctore on the 22nd. Let the waiting begin. We know how good I am at that. hehehe

And then, there is Robert. Who? That's pretty much what I say these days. I haven't seen him in I don't know how long. We hardly talk and when we do, he doesn't understand that there are things I want and need. He just tells me I need to respect what he is doing. My last response was, how about respecting me as a person? When we talked the last time, he was at work and there are certain places where he loses the signal. That happened when we were talking. He called back but I just refused to answer the phone. I didn't know what else to say to him. He thinks/feels I am trying to control him and I'm trying to be the boss. He also tells me I'm stubborn. I will readily admist to being stubborn but a lot of it with Robert is the way he approaches things but as much as I try to explain this to him, all I get is: I am being defensive and I don't do what he tells me.

About 3 weeks ago I gave him a letter to read since talking with him got me no where. The letter had nothing in it that I hadn't told him many, many times.

After we decided that we should spend more time talking, he decided that he needed time alone, drinking (to relax).

Basically, what I've been asking for is for him to spend more time with me, do things with each others friends, talk about and compromise on issues we don't agree on, call me when he says he is coming over and for whatever reason can't make it (there is a reason behind this besides respect and he knows it).

Oh and to do something fun sometimes. It seems that we are always so serious.

I don't believe I am asking for a lot. I have decided I have had enough of his isolation and beer drinking. I left him a voice mail today, that basically said:

'We need to talk. I don't know how long you plan on dealing with things the way you are but I'm not willing to put up with it any more. You expect me to respect how you want to handle things but what about my wants and needs, you appear to have a complete lack of respect for them. I feel like you don't want to be with me. I need to know if you even want to try and make this work because from where I sit, it doesn't feel like you want to.'

I'm sure this will only serve to upset him more. The letter I wrote, he said it was intense, though it was nothing new, or shouldn't have been. He can't keep dragging this out. There has been no support for anything I've been going through and at this point I don't even think I want his support. I have told him mulitiple tmes he is pushing me away by the way he is acting and he tells me that is not what he is trying to do. He doesn't get it. He doesn't understand that the more he stays away and deals with his stuff and I deal with mine, the worse he makes everything.

I personally feel, that putting things in writing made them real for him and he had to really look at them and he according to him, he is trying not to deal with reality.

The question now becomes, how long will it take him to contact me and what type of BS will he try to feed me. I want facts, details and he likes to tell stories behind his answers.

And life goes on...with or without him

Long Time no Post

I was informed tonight (by Bernie) that I hadn't updated my blog in a long time so I thought I should at least come out here and provide some sort of an update.
I've been trying to keep my head above water at work. Things have been crazy and busy. There are days I don't know which way is up. The good news is we are getting a new person on Tuesday that I will be training to take over some of my work and I will eventually be moving over to help on the Billing System. I'm not sure it's much better but at least I get rid of my very stupid users.

I've not been having a fun month. I've been on Provera for a good part of the month. I'm on it for the second time right now and it's not working as well as it did the first time. The good news is, or at least I hope it will be good news, on June 7th, I'm scheduled for a D&C. My doctor isn't doing it, but at this point, I don't really care as long as the problem gets fixed.
And just incase that wasn't enough, I had an infected toe. And just in case you want to know what I did to it, the answer is, I have no idea. But I don't actually have to do anything to have something go wrong with me. Also have the muscle above my right knee, seems to be crampped up and hurts like hell when I move. Oh well, I guess it could be worse.

Ok, now for the stuff that most of you really want to know about.
I don't know what is going on with Robert and I except he keeps digging himself into a deeper hole. We'll talk and we'll agree to talk more. I'll try to be more open with him. But, then he isn't available when I try to call. I know he can't always answer the phone when he is at work but he doesn't even call me back when he gets off work.
I left him a message on Thursday that basically said, that I don't know why he hasn't called me back but I'm trying to be more open with him but he's making it very difficult.
He called me Friday afternoon but I was napping, since I had the day off. When I woke up, I called him back and he hasn't called me back yet. I called him twice today and it went straight to voice mail which means he has his phone shut off.

Pretty strange way to show that you want to try to make something work. He's making my decision way to easy. I'm sure he'll have some reason that he will expect me to be okay with, but I won't. He won't be able to convince me this time, that things can be okay.
He either has to decide that he wants to really try and make this work or he needs to be honest with himself and me that it isn't going to work because he is not willing to change his behaviors.

I have no problem moving without him and he knows it. I will hear him out but I don't expect the out come of the conversation will be a good one.