Current Happenings

I'm pretty stressed out these days with things that are going on in my life but, that doesn't seem to be anything new. I seem to be running in a stressed out state lately. I hoping that it ends someday soon.

I have adjusted to the new medication and I'm no longer bouncing off the walls and for the most part I'm sleeping fairly well. It's too soon to tell if it's really working or not. In about 6 weeks I'll have to go for a blood test to have my TSH level tested to see if it has dropped.

I talked with my lawyer and it was decided that the best thing for me to do at this point was to have my own appraisal done. So, I'm sucking it up and spending the money. The appraiser who will be doing the job has been on vacation and will contact my sister to get into the house either Monday or Tuesday and the appraisal should take place the early part of next week.
I also called the assessor of the town to question the differences that I know about the house and what was on their web site. She explained to me what they had on their records and let me know that the web site was wrong. They are going to send an inspector out to the house to ensure that their records are correct.

My only consellation in all of this, is I'm sure that my sister is or will be really pissed that these 2 things will be happening and there is no way she can refuse them entrance. She has or had no idea that I am taking steps to have these done. I am waiting for her to call me and complain or she might call her lawyer who in turn will call my lawyer. Since my name is on the deed, there is nothing she can do about it.
I had a dream on Thursday night about this and my sister was in it. I woke up Friday morning shaking. That's not a good thing.

Now for my personal life which seems to get more complicated ever so often. Robert called me Friday night to tell me he is back from Jamaica. I guess he figured I must have found out that he went there from his brother. We only talked for a couple of minutes. He said there are things we need to talk about. And he is right. I will give him a chance to explain what is going on and why he left like he did. I'm not sure how I'll handle it and I'm not sure what will come out of it. I know I'm a little scared of letting myself get close to him yet again - though I don't think I ever really let go, just pushed the feelings away. My past says that people who say they care or should care end up hurting me. That is not always true, I have some very good friends who have been there for me through thick and thin but, it's hard for me not to expect to be hurt.

I'm not sure how Ray will handle things if Robert and I do get back together. Ray and I are just friends. He keeps reminding me to not let my feelings get involved. That's pretty easy to do at this point. If I let my feelings get involved, then I can end up getting hurt and I don't want that. But on the other hand, when I don't call him and I'm home alone, he wants to know why.
Last night he called to find out what I was doing and I told him just playing games. He wanted to come over. I told him that I wouldn't be able to focus on anything. That I was confused about things. He wanted to know what was going on. I told him that I wasn't ready to talk to him about things yet. It's the first time he has asked what was going on with me. The real reason he cared was because he was going to get any. I told him I needed time alone. He told me I should have at least called him to let him know that I needed that time. I try to explain to him that when I get like this, I don't call people, it doesn't matter who they are. He doesn't get it.

I'm going to have to tell Ray something at some point. I'm not sure I can be with him until Robert and I clear the air and I know what is really happening. I don't know what it is about Robert but there is something there that draws me to him. Right now I'm just confused because I don't know what is happening with Robert but I don't think I can get myself to be with Ray while Robert is back.

I've been struggling big time with my urges. Eating to much chocolate instead, which isn't much better. It's one day at a time right now. That is all I can really handle.

And the saga continues.....