It's That Time of Year Again (Sigh)

The holiday season is in full swing and I'm just waiting for it to be over with. This is a hard time of year for me and a number of my friends. We are counting down the days until they are over with.

I started having a hard time right before Thanksgiving when the 2nd anniversary of my mothers' death, snuck up and hit me fairly hard. I didn't expect all those feelings to hit me since they didn't last year. But, last year I will still in the midst of "fighting" my so called sister for my share of the house. That being over, I wasn't focused so much on other things.

All the "little kid" feelings are mulling around inside and I've been slowly trying to deal with them. It's been awhile since I've had to do this. I'll get through this stuff, it's just going to take some time.

All this crap works in cycles and it doesn't matter how many times you work on something, it always comes back again to be worked on - different situation, different spot in your healing.

On top of all this that is already going on, my "father" felt the need to send me a Christmas Card. I open it only to see if there is any information about the couple of relatives that I care about. Of course, there wasn't but, we all know that if I didn't open it and just tossed it, there would be. Wouldn't that be part of Murphy's Law somewhere?

Anyway, what was pre-written in the card doesn't really matter, but what he wrote in the card is. The following is an exact quote of what he wrote:
"I had a pretty good year up till September. At that time I was diagnose with ciatica and Compression fractures in my lower back. Steadily improving. Stay well and God Bless. Dad"
Does anyone see what is missing from this? There are a few things. I'll give you a clue: It's amazing how nothing has changed over all these years. This only stirred up more of those "little kid" feelings.

Robert and I are doing good. Things are moving in a positive direction. He is being supportive while I'll go through all this shit. He won't let me get away with being quiet and not talking. He knows I've been having urges to drink and cut so he is making me talk about what is going on. He is trying to understand everything as best he can and learning along the way.

I went to NH this past weekend and met a long time friend that I've only chatted with online and talked with on the phone. Mary is a wonderful person and her family is just as wonderful. I went there and was treated as if they all had known me for years. It was fantastic! Tricia was also there and it was great to see her again. It's been way to many years since we've seen each other.

Things have been busy overall. There's been the move at work and the reorg. Just trying to get everything done around the house and getting Christmas shopping done. I have been feeling overwhelmed. The "little kid" is angry, sad and lonely.
Robert has told me a couple times that he's never seen me put this much pressure on myself. I need to get everything done. I need to try and stay on top of everything. I just really need to make it until January. Then things should settle out some

There you go - my life in a nutshell as it is right now.

Happy Holidays to all.