The "JOY" of Relationships

This has been a difficult week, at best. Robert and I have been at odds over a number of things and the tension just seems to grow.
He is finally getting over having pneuonia and getting his strength back and I think that has something to do with the way things have been. Yes, we've had problems in the past but this time it has been worse.

To do a quick sum of what is happening - what it comes down to is, if things aren't his way or I don't do things the way he suggest, then I'm being defensive. If I try to explain why I did or didn't, it is just an excuse.

OKay - there has been a slight delay in the typing of my blog. Some of you may know that awhile back that I was "seeing" things. Well, come to find out that the mouse that I thought I saw one day is really, real. I know that because while I was typing something ran across the floor and I was: oh shit, here we go again. But this time, I got up and went and looked. Very carefully. I moved the couch out and there looking up at me was a little mouse face. Now what to do because I don't know how to catch it and if I do it will stay trapped somehow until Robert comes over and takes care of it.
The real "fun" - how do I sleep tonight knowing that there is a mouse running around in the house?

Now - back to the featured show.

On the subject of being defensive, Robert has a habit of saying things with a very stern, harsh voice. I have asked him not to do that and to try and say things differently, but he hasn't. I informed him, that how he says things makes me go on the defensive.
He has asked me to not raise my voice when we are having a discussion and I do all that I can to make sure I don't do that. In that regard, I have asked him to try and say what he feels he needs to differently. If I can try, then he should be able to. He finally agreed to trying.
I am not asking for the world, just what is fair in a relationship. I have told him it is not always what he says but how he says it.

He hasn't been around much which always gets to me. I understand that he hasn't been feeling great and is on the road to recovery. When I don't feel well, I like to be alone. So I understand to some degree him not coming over.
He also says that everyone sometimes need their own space and I also agree with that. What I don't agree with is needing almost 2 weeks of your own space.
He says he is also trying to keep his stress level down. My response was, so I'm raising your stress level. He tells me no - I have a hard time with that. Though Pam tells me that guys get stressed out just from being in a relationship.
I'm just trying to keep an open mind.

Another good one is: he tells me he doesn't feel that I respect a man when it comes to being in a relationship and having someone around and helping me.
He says this because I've lived alone for so long.
I told him he is wrong. I also told him that he hasn't given me a chance. He doesn't spend that much time here when he does come around so I don't understand how he can judge how I would react when he is around more.

He has told me that he doesn't feel we could pack things in the house at the same time. That we would do things differently. This, though we have never tried. If we haven't given it a chance how does he know it won't work.

I have explained both sides of everything to Pam. I am trying to be as fair as I can about all of this. It doesn't do me any good if Pam doesn't know everything.

Pam's take on it: he's the guy and he want's to have the upper hand in the relationship and when I don't do what he wants or what he feels I should be doing, he calls that being defensive. If he is looking for someone who will do what he says he has the wrong person.
I will not let Robert or anyone take away my voice or my choices in life. He will either need to adjust to that, if that is what is going on or things will never work out.

He does get credit for admitting he does need therapy (a guy who admits he should be in therapy - very rare). The thing is he has crappy insurance and can't afford to go.
He loses that credit when he comes back with, I'm lucky that I've had the benefit of therapy. True, I'm lucky but I really didn't have a choice. Without therapy, I'm not sure where I would be or if I would be. I would have had to find therapy some way, some how if I was going to survive life.

I could go on and on but I'll spare you. It's enough to say that things have been tense between us lately but we are going to try again. There needs to be some give and take on both sides. I believe he feels it is all my "fault" and I am the one who needs to change, I told him we both need to make changes.

I would also like to have both of us write down what we feel a relationship should be and compare what we list to see how close we are.

Time to make something to eat - and watch for the mouse.

Oh bother.....