When last we met ....

Okay, I just couldn't resist the title line.

I finally heard from Robert this morning. I think, only because I sent him a text last night telling him, he needed to watch the minutes on the cell phone. Otherwise, I'm not sure he would have called me. And, I am not calling him at this point because I just can't do it right now.
He said, do I really have to watch the minutes? I said yes, I've been talking to Maggie and they don't have Verizon anymore. They are on Sprint. He asked if it was cheaper and if a couple of others were. I said I didn't know but I wouldn't even think of switching until the contract was up. But, what he was getting at and said, all had to do with saving money. Not his problem at this point.

When he called I asked how he was doing. He said he was alright. I said are you really alright, and he said yes. Compared to stuff others are going through, he is. I said, so it's all relative.
He asked if I was picking on him and I told him no. It's know different than me saying I'm okay at therapy and my T knows better. Based on everything going on, I'm doing okay - it's all relative. I didn't ask him what was going on. I am at the point where, if he wants me to know, he should be telling me. I shouldn't have to drag it out of him.

He also made a point of saying (and I don't remember his exact words), that I sounded like I wasn't all there (meaning I was distant). He did it as a question. I said, you are asking the obvious, you already know the answer.

He was at work but he wasn't working. He said he feels most at peace when he is around cars. I told him he needs to find something else to do with his life besides working on cars.
He can't rely on cars and me to be his life.

Speaking of cars - I went to Midas yesterday afternoon for an oil change. My first since I moved here. HA - an oil change is never an oil change. I left to the tune of $363. That's what I get for waiting so long. My next oil change will include changing the valve cover gasket. I can't wait!

On a good note: I saw my nutritionist on Thursday and I've lost 7 pounds and lost 1 1/2 inches around my waist in a month. It was the first time I actually wanted to get on a scale.

The town of Leland is starting a Citizen's Police Academy to inform citizens more of what they do. I am sending in my application and I'll see what happens. They only take 25 people. And they do a background check. I hope there are no "skeletons" in my closet that they find (lol).

Well, that is about it for now. More to come as there is more to share.

The latest news

It's been awhile since my last update and it's time to let you know what's been happening.
I know I haven't posted any pictures from Becky's vacation and I'll try to get to it but there are no promises. We had a great time and I was tired by the time she went home.

My friend Maggie has been having some major medical problems lately. She has had a terrible pain on the side of her face. She thought it was because of her teeth. She had her teeth taken care of but the pain persisted. They finally figured out what was going on. She has a condition called Trigeminal Neuralgia. It has to do with the nerves that run from the brain and they hit up against the blood vessels. There are up to 3 nerves that are involved and in her case it is all 3 nerves.
They have her on some big time medications. She is loopy, she is so doped up. She can't drive, she can barely do anything.
If the medications don't work, they can try and injection to block the nerve or do surgery. Right now they can't do anything because she has a kidney infection.
Before they do either the injection or surgery, they need to do an MRI to rule out a brain tumor.
That is scheduled for next week.
They are also doing test to make sure she doesn't have MS. This can also cause the condition she has.

And just in case her husband Charlie wasn't enough of an insensitive jerk, he signed them both up to be on a committee to represent their district. And the worst part is, it has to be a husband and wife team. He didn't ask her, he just did it. She is not at all happy about this.
We figure he did this just to make it harder for her to leave when she is able to.
I told her, don't let this stop you from leaving. She needs to take care of herself.

Oh and I have some good news. I started seeing a nutritionist a month ago and I went for my first follow up visit today. I have lost 7 pounds and 1 1/2 inches around my waist. And that's with very little exercise. I am excited.
I am sending the information that I have to Maggie so she can work with Ryan on getting him to eat better and have a variety of foods. My nutritionist even gave me a "fast food guide" that I can send to them. Maggie will also share the information with Tracey because she needs to lose some weight.

On the subject of Robert. I have no idea what he is doing right now. I haven't heard from him since Tuesday morning.
We talked some on Sunday. I asked him, "what do you have left to do before you will be able to move?"
First he started to tell me some things he was trying to do in order to get his bills paid. When he finished, I told him, that was nice but could he now answer my question - what did he have left to do? He is great at not directly answering my question.
So, this time he answers:
He has a student loan that he is paying off and he has car taxes to be paid off. This has been on going for a while. We all know that dealing with the town hall and trying to get things cleared up can be frustrating but he has been draging this out. He needs to go down to the town hall and get a print out of his account and check it against the payments he has made. He just hasn't been proactive in doing this.
When we spoke on Tuesday morning, he said they didn't have a lot to do at work and he would probably get out early. I told him it would be a good time to go get the information about the taxes. His response was, if I remember.

Back to Sunday - I said to him, so, when you get the taxes cleared up, you will be able to move and pay the other bills once you move.
He says, what other bills (being slightly defensive)? I said your student loan and whatever other bills you have.
I didn't come away from that conversion with a real good feeling.

Once we finished that conversation, he said can I ask my question now. I said sure. I was expecting some serious type question. He has been grilling me for a couple of weeks.
His question was: am I still going to buy the bed? I said, yeah but not until the bills are paid down. I'm not taking on any more debt.
To me, the new bed isn't that important. Obviously to him it is.
I have a bunch of other things to talk with him about but I figured it would be best to do them one at a time but it doesn't look like he is going to give me the chance any time soon.

So there it is - what's been happening in my life. More to follow soon.

Vacation - so far

Becky is down this week and we have been keeping busy. Of course my shop-a-holic has been shopping. She has finally found an Easter outfit that she can also wear to mulitple functions so she is happy. And I'm happy because we don't have to go from store to store looking for something for her to wear.

Monday we went to the Aquarium at Fort Fisher. It's been years since either of us have been to an Aquarium. We had fun and we say many types of fish and other water creatures. I'll add some picutres to a later post since I'm going to have to decide which ones I want to use.

Tuesday we didn't do much. We attempted to find the Bird Sanctuary in town but we couldn't locate it, so we just ended up taking a ride since I had a doctors appt. at 2. I was suppose to Tutor but my Student called and he had to work late. This of course excited Becky since that meant we could go shopping earlier.
Also on Tuesday, Becky's ex-boyfriend called, they talk all the time, and his grandfather passed away. When I got her up on Wednesday, she was talking about going to Florida to be with him. He had told her Tuesday night, that he wished she was there. She was determined to go and be with him and she didn't know what to do since I wasn't happy that she was willing to just up and leave. She called and talked to her brother Jay and he told her, if she felt that strongly about him that she should go. That didn't make me any happier.
She of course still needed to find out what her ex wanted. I decided it was a good time to go out and get gas and run a couple of errands when he called her back.
Well, to make a long story short, he told her not to bother coming down because he was going to be busy. Not with funeral plans mind you because they were going to cremate his grandfather and they weren't holding any type of service. But he was going to be out doing things.
That made me happy but for a while there, I wasn't very happy - I was ready to call my T to see if she had any openings.
Disaster avoided. We then finished getting ready and went out to a very small winery - and I mean small. And after that we went to the beach. We must have stayed there a little over an hour.
We came back home, had something to eat and Becky went shopping. Yup, she can find her way into Wilmington in order to get to JCPenney and the small mall.

Today, we will take a ride to the beach. I need to be home for a Dentist appt at 4 and we'll decide what we want to do afterwards.
On Friday we are going to take the Ferry to Southport. We could actually get there faster by driving but the fun of it all is going over in the Ferry. I have no appts so we have the whole.
On Saturday, she doesn't leave until around 4:30. In the morning we are going to take a Hollywood walking tour and she will get to see where they film 'One Tree Hill'.

I think I will sleep when I return from dropping her off at the airport.

Sunday, I will need to go grocery shopping which now becomes somewhat easier but still a chore I hate. I went to see the nutritionist this week and she help me put together meals for the week. Now I need to make sure I have everything I need to make those meals.

Another update after Becky goes home and I've rested.

You Aren't Here

Well, Robert called this morning and the phone call turned quickly into an arguement. I guess the only good thing was, he didn't get off the phone immediately and that was the only good thing

The conversation started off normally but quickly took a turn for the worse. He asked me if I was set up wireless. He knows the answer but of course he needs to ask. I told him I was and he asked if it was hard to set up. I said I had some problems. I asked him why he was interested.

This is his first mistake: he replied, he didn't want to talk about it. Why would that be something he wouldn't want to talk about. I said to him, why did he even bring it up if he wasn't going to talk about it. We went back and forth for a bit and he finally said, that his brother was going to help him set his laptop up as wireless over at his house. So I was like, what was the big deal.
I said to him before he answered - so I guess that means you don't plan on moving soon.
He of course replied there is something wrong with your thinking. I said no, that is my automatic reaction. He tried to tell me I was being defensive. I said, no just telling you what happens

I said to him, it's not even about this question, it's something that you do often. I have explained to you often, what works best for me to keep me stable and not get me upset but you still do things your way. That is the real point. I once again said to him, it has taken me many years to figure out what works best for me.

And my favorite line: I never called to get in an arguement. If he is in a good mood, he doesn't want to cloud that with anything that isn't positive. I told him if I have something to say, I'm not going to hold back. I need to say what is on my mind, that it isn't good for me to hold things in. He of course told me that I didn't have respect for HIS feelings.

I told him, that the only time we have to talk is over the phone. That if I have something to say, that I will say it. You are NOT here and I don't know when the next time is that we are going to talk for more than 5 minutes. If you were here we could always put it off for a couple of hours or the next day. He did say something along the lines that he should have put this off until later. I told him he could have done that.

And my health issues. He finally asked about my doctors appt. that I had on Wednesday. I wasn't going to bring it up until he asked. He hurt his shoulder at work last week and I've been asking him about it - I figured the least he could was ask me about my appt.

So, I tell him that my BP dropping is a symptom of either my Blood Sugar or Thryoid not being right. That my doctor changed the dosage of my Synthroid and I need to keep track of things.
He must of asked me to repeat things 3 or 4 times. Bugs the hell out of me when he does that
He doesn't think my doctors here know what they are doing. I keep telling him that I have a handle on my medical stuff. He said he is entiltled to his opinion and I said he does. I also told him that even though I tell him what is going on, he is NOT here to see what happens, to see how I feel. It is not the same hearing about and seeing it. That my doctor is doing what has to be done.
One thing he will NOT get involved with is my medical - I have always been on top of that, I know what I'm doing and I don't need him to tell me what I should be doing, especially when he isn't HERE to know exactly what is going on
He also thinks I should be able to get off my psych meds. I would like to be able to do that too but I know it's not reality. Cut back on them maybe but I will never get off of them.

After all the time I have spent explaining to him about my automatic reactions and what works best for me - he still does things his own way and then doesn't understand why I get upset
He listens to what I say but does not take it in and try to apply it

He tells me, he thinks I like to start arguements. Which I don't. But if he would listen to what I say, if he would be willing to talk things out, if he would finally move his ass down here, things would be different. I told him there are still things we need to talk about

He tells me I don't respect his feelings. I do, when I know what they are. I don't have empathy for a lot of his feelings. He is the one who has made the decisions that have been made. He is the one who has decided he still needs to be in Hartford. So, if this is hard on him, it is his choices that has him there. Hard or not on him, I don't think he has respected my feelings for a long time and he is slowly finding out that I am going to start speaking up more and more
When he tells me that how I react or what I'm feeling is wrong - there can't be any respect.

I don't think he has a clue that the longer he puts things off, the more independent I become. The more I'm not sure I want him to be here. There are trust issues at least on my side and they need to be addressed before anything can be worked out but, he doesn't seem to think we have these issues

He actually said to me, that one of us is not communicating properly and we should have a third party present. What a novel idea!
But, I'm sure he would not like my idea and that is for him to go to therapy with me. I'm sure he will say that my therapist is no good. That she doesn't know what she is doing. But, guess what, it is either her or no one. She is a professional and she would listen to both sides and let us know what is going on
Of course the chances of this happening are slim to none because he would actually have to take time of work, which he would need to do in order to come down and go with me.

Oh, I would love to be able to discuss some of this with him in therapy. Like, what works best for me that he doesn't follow. What he doesn't realize, though I probably have told him is, that I tell my therapist both sides of the story. It's not just one sided.

So, she knows what I've said to him and what he has said to me and what are reactions have been. I don't sugar coat it. So, he wouldn't be able to get away with anything

Thing1 called me a little while ago, probably to find out if I was okay. But who knows. I choose to ignore the phone and not answer. I was not in a spot to talk with him. Not right now and maybe not until later today. I wonder how he will feel when it happens to him. He has done this to me many times. Where he has told me, he thought I needed some time. Well, this time, I am taking that time, just because I don't feel like talking with him. I am too pissed at him right now

And so - He isn't here and he doesn't know how things really are! I hope me telling him that hit some nerve in him but I doubt it.

Another Shooting

There was another shooting today. This one in West Palm Beach Fl, at a Wendy's.
People died and the shooter killed himself and many were injured. What is this world coming to when we have these mass shootings every time we turn around.
What is so bad that people go out and shoot up a room full of people that they don't even know.
If you happen to read the boards on the news sites, it amazing the comments people make. They try to figure out if the person was on medication, if they stopped their medication. They blame it on the NRA, they blame it on the President. I could go on and on.
And of course, they just toss comments back and forth at each other and insult each other.
And every once in a while you will actually see a comment where the poster shows compassion toward the victims and their families.

These people don't seem to care that life can be cut short at any time and instead of fighting with each other on the boards they should be trying to do something more positive and writing to someone who can try to do something to fix the problem.
I don't have the answers but I know fighting with each other isn't it!

Tough Week

Though the week started off very good with the tutoring, it ended on a somewhat sad note.
I am a member of "saferoom", it is a group that I belong to which has been around for about 10 years.
One of the founders of the group, had a condition which caused her a lot of head and neck pain. And probably pain that even went down her spine. I don't remember the name of the condition but the only way to possibly eliminate the pain was to go in a do brain surgery.

She finally decided it was time to go in and have the surgery. She was looking forward to be without pain. The surgery was "text book". But something went wrong and she had breathing problems that became worse. Eventually she was declared "brain dead" and they kept her alive on life support until the family could all get there. They removed the life support on Thursday night and took the organs they could since she was an organ donor.
Her body was creamated. They held a memorial service yesterday. Of course, a lot of people who "knew" her weren't able to attend since she lived in FL. We are now waiting to find out what charity or how best to make a donation.

She was someone who would give you the shirt of her back. Would be there to help you if you needed it. Could get you to talk even if you didn't want to. Make you laugh if you didn't think there was anything in life to laugh about. She was an amazing person. I hadn't been to the chat room in a long time and I am learning more about who she was.

She was so young to lose her life, only 43. She leaves behind to daughters and her husband.

It's just one more thing in life that makes you realize how important your "family" (however you define it) and friends are in your life. Don't lose site of that.

She will live on in the hearts of so many, so she is not really gone but, it is not the same.

Tutoring Week 1

I started tutoring a 43 yr old male this week. He reads at about a second grade level.
It still amazes me that there are so many adults out there that were pushed through school or never made it through school.
That is all changing, one person at a time. And it is a wonderful feeling to be able to help someone how to read and write.
This first week we did a little "get to know you" stuff.
One of the reasons he wants to learn to read is to advance in his job. He wants to get his Class A drivers license. He will also need to learn a manual at work and test on that. This of course is down the road. There are smaller goals to reach first. He wants to be able to read to his 4 yr. old niece. And there are many other things that he wants to be able to read.
We start small and build our way up.

The bottom line is, he gets to improve himself and I get to feel good about myself.

It's been since December!

It's been since the beginning of December since I've sat down to let everyone know what's been going on. Partially because it's just the same old stuff.

Robert is still in CT and doesn't understand what I try to tell him. I'm still trying to get him to understand how I feel about all of this and he can't seem to see past it. I see an email or snail mail going to him shortly spelling it out clearly to him. This way he can't stop me and try to tell me I don't understand or I'm trying to control things. If he wants me to control things, I could and he would really see the difference. Ok - that's the Readers Digest version.

Work is as busy and crazy as ever. I could work 24 x 7 and still have work to do. I know, job security but some days I feel like my head is spinning (and it's not from being dizzy when I stand up). Most of the people on our team work on one system and sometimes special projects. I happen to work on all 4 systems, special projects and do anything else they toss at me including helping other areas. Now where is the justice in this? Sometimes it doesn't pay to be good at what you do.

Most of you don't know that I took training to become a Literacy Tutor. I just received my first student and we start on Monday. My student is a 43 year old male who wants to learn to read. He can read some but not that much. I'm excited to be doing this. I'm sure I'm just as nervous as he is. I'll try to keep everyone updated, at least weekly, on how this goes.
And in case anyone is wondering why I've decided to do this:
1) my therapist has been pushing me to get out of the house and with some health issues (more to follow) this was something I could do and not worry about them.
2) it is something I can do to help others.
My original thought was to do something to help children but I thought I would start with adults who would be more cooperative.

Health issues -
the main health issue that has kept me from doing a whole lot, mainly exercising, is my Blood Pressure. It has a tendency to go from being in the normal range to going high to going way too low. I didn't want to be out anywhere and have my BP drop low and have someone call 911 on me. I am not, I repeat NOT going to the emergency room because my BP dropped.
I went for a Tilt Table Test last week. Now that is an interesting and very boring test. If you've never heard of it, they strap you on a table, "stand" you up to an 80 degree angle and leave you there for 30 minutes. They are trying to get you to pass out. If you don't (and I didn't), they put a nitro tablet under your tounge to make you more sensitive to the test and you get to stay in that position for another 15 minutes. Well I didn't pass out - so I passed the test. But I did get extremely tired and cold. That's how I get when my BP goes very low.
My doctor did change my BP med and I'm doing better but my BP still drops. The only thing is, it's not on the list of meds through my insurance - so we'll have to talk about when I go for my physical in a couple of weeks.
I am going to see a nutritionist on 3/18. There are somedays it's just too hard to figure out what to eat, except maybe a piece of card board. I need to watch the fats, carbs, cholesterol and the sugar. I am hoping the nutritionist can help me set up some meal plans and substitutions I can use. Yes, I'm a picky eater and if I eat something more than a couple of times a week, I don't want to eat it again for a few weeks.

The week of March 17th, my daughter, Becky will be coming down to visit during her spring break. She doesn't know it yet but I do have some doctor appts that week and I'll be tutoring on Monday and Tues. But, we'll still have plenty of time to go out and do things.

I think that about catches me up. I'll try to do better, especially since I'll start to tutor and I want to keep a log of how it goes and this is a good place to do that.

Oh yeah, and when I attempt to quit smoking again - I will want to try and log that progress here as well.