Sunday, February 01, 2004

Trust and Courage

I sucked up all the courage I had yesterday, after many hours of internal struggle, and gave Robert my razor blade. It was one of the hardest things I had to do. In a way it was giving up a safety net. Not that I was going to use it, but it was always there. I knew if things ever got really bad, I could turn to it. I wasn't suppose to but I could and deal with the consequences later.
I decided that what I needed to do was to hand it over to Robert. He knows about my past, he knows about my issues with drinking and cutting. It's up to me to tell him when I'm having a hard time and when I need more help. He might not be the right one to help me but he needs to know.
I also told him he could keep beer in the house but he doesn't want to tempt me. Again, it is really up to me to let him know when I'm having a hard time.

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