The holiday season is in full swing and I'm just waiting for it to be over with. This is a hard time of year for me and a number of my friends. We are counting down the days until they are over with.
I started having a hard time right before Thanksgiving when the 2nd anniversary of my mothers' death, snuck up and hit me fairly hard. I didn't expect all those feelings to hit me since they didn't last year. But, last year I will still in the midst of "fighting" my so called sister for my share of the house. That being over, I wasn't focused so much on other things.
All the "little kid" feelings are mulling around inside and I've been slowly trying to deal with them. It's been awhile since I've had to do this. I'll get through this stuff, it's just going to take some time.
All this crap works in cycles and it doesn't matter how many times you work on something, it always comes back again to be worked on - different situation, different spot in your healing.
On top of all this that is already going on, my "father" felt the need to send me a Christmas Card. I open it only to see if there is any information about the couple of relatives that I care about. Of course, there wasn't but, we all know that if I didn't open it and just tossed it, there would be. Wouldn't that be part of Murphy's Law somewhere?
Anyway, what was pre-written in the card doesn't really matter, but what he wrote in the card is. The following is an exact quote of what he wrote:
"I had a pretty good year up till September. At that time I was diagnose with ciatica and Compression fractures in my lower back. Steadily improving. Stay well and God Bless. Dad"
Does anyone see what is missing from this? There are a few things. I'll give you a clue: It's amazing how nothing has changed over all these years. This only stirred up more of those "little kid" feelings.
Robert and I are doing good. Things are moving in a positive direction. He is being supportive while I'll go through all this shit. He won't let me get away with being quiet and not talking. He knows I've been having urges to drink and cut so he is making me talk about what is going on. He is trying to understand everything as best he can and learning along the way.
I went to NH this past weekend and met a long time friend that I've only chatted with online and talked with on the phone. Mary is a wonderful person and her family is just as wonderful. I went there and was treated as if they all had known me for years. It was fantastic! Tricia was also there and it was great to see her again. It's been way to many years since we've seen each other.
Things have been busy overall. There's been the move at work and the reorg. Just trying to get everything done around the house and getting Christmas shopping done. I have been feeling overwhelmed. The "little kid" is angry, sad and lonely.
Robert has told me a couple times that he's never seen me put this much pressure on myself. I need to get everything done. I need to try and stay on top of everything. I just really need to make it until January. Then things should settle out some
There you go - my life in a nutshell as it is right now.
Happy Holidays to all.
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
No Special Title - Just a Long time since an update
It has been way too long since I've updated my blog. I have finally decided to take the time and post some of what's been going on.
My daughter has decided to apply to Grove City College in PA, for early decision and we should know a little after 12/15 if she will get in under early decision or not. If not, we will need to sit down and get her going on filling out additional applications. We like this school, though we haven't been out to visit it yet, what we have read on the website and what my daughter has heard about it, it seems like a very good school. It is also reasonably priced.
We now play the waiting game on this and pray that she gets in since this is where she really wants to go.
Work - they are reorganizing the whole area and we are waiting to find out where we will end up working. They are splitting the area into 2 different sections. One that will work on development or long term projects and one that will work on the production end of things. We will know by 12/1 where we are going to work but in the mean time, all we know is management is having many meetings and we hear nothing. They tell us they don't know anything but when we view their calendars online, we can tell they do know more then they are telling us. Our department is having a hell of a time dealing with the unknown. We know as a department, we will be split up but we don't know who will end up where or who we will be working for. They promise us all a seat when the reorganization is complete but who really knows until it happens.
I went to visit Maggie for a few days in October. It was good to go down and see her and spend time with her. It is also hard when it's time to leave since we don't really know when we will see each other again. She hasn't been feeling well, she doesn't get enough rest and she really needs to 'train' her family to be more independent. She can't keep doing it all and expect to stay healthy.
And we all need to remind her family, that 'denial' is not just a river in Egypt.
Michele has cancer and has been going through chemo. Cami is doing a damn fine job holding up through this. I am proud of her. There was a time that Cami would have totally lost it if something like this would have happened.
I pray nightly that Michele will be okay and things will get better.
My friend Bernie has adopted a cat that has been named Shadow. This is by far the craziest of cats she has ever owned. This cat literally climbs walls and does a number of other crazy things. I don't even want to think about what Shadow will do with a Christmas tree. Does anyone dare to venture a guess?
My personal life :)
It's going very good. Robert and I have been doing a lot of talking and working through a number of issues. We both need to watch our finances and Robert needs to try and cut back on what he spends.
We have been talking about him moving in, but nothing has been settled yet. We have also talked about his son living here when the ok is finally given for him to come up from Jamaica and live here.
Robert actually said to me tonight, something I have felt and known for a long time: he told me that he loved me. I let him know that it's nice to hear said.
We have been doing a lot of talking lately. Trying to feel our way through things and learning and growing together.
I bet you all thought this would be longer considering it's been so long since I've posted but that about covers it. There's little things but these are the big things that are happening.
Until the next time.....
My daughter has decided to apply to Grove City College in PA, for early decision and we should know a little after 12/15 if she will get in under early decision or not. If not, we will need to sit down and get her going on filling out additional applications. We like this school, though we haven't been out to visit it yet, what we have read on the website and what my daughter has heard about it, it seems like a very good school. It is also reasonably priced.
We now play the waiting game on this and pray that she gets in since this is where she really wants to go.
Work - they are reorganizing the whole area and we are waiting to find out where we will end up working. They are splitting the area into 2 different sections. One that will work on development or long term projects and one that will work on the production end of things. We will know by 12/1 where we are going to work but in the mean time, all we know is management is having many meetings and we hear nothing. They tell us they don't know anything but when we view their calendars online, we can tell they do know more then they are telling us. Our department is having a hell of a time dealing with the unknown. We know as a department, we will be split up but we don't know who will end up where or who we will be working for. They promise us all a seat when the reorganization is complete but who really knows until it happens.
I went to visit Maggie for a few days in October. It was good to go down and see her and spend time with her. It is also hard when it's time to leave since we don't really know when we will see each other again. She hasn't been feeling well, she doesn't get enough rest and she really needs to 'train' her family to be more independent. She can't keep doing it all and expect to stay healthy.
And we all need to remind her family, that 'denial' is not just a river in Egypt.
Michele has cancer and has been going through chemo. Cami is doing a damn fine job holding up through this. I am proud of her. There was a time that Cami would have totally lost it if something like this would have happened.
I pray nightly that Michele will be okay and things will get better.
My friend Bernie has adopted a cat that has been named Shadow. This is by far the craziest of cats she has ever owned. This cat literally climbs walls and does a number of other crazy things. I don't even want to think about what Shadow will do with a Christmas tree. Does anyone dare to venture a guess?
My personal life :)
It's going very good. Robert and I have been doing a lot of talking and working through a number of issues. We both need to watch our finances and Robert needs to try and cut back on what he spends.
We have been talking about him moving in, but nothing has been settled yet. We have also talked about his son living here when the ok is finally given for him to come up from Jamaica and live here.
Robert actually said to me tonight, something I have felt and known for a long time: he told me that he loved me. I let him know that it's nice to hear said.
We have been doing a lot of talking lately. Trying to feel our way through things and learning and growing together.
I bet you all thought this would be longer considering it's been so long since I've posted but that about covers it. There's little things but these are the big things that are happening.
Until the next time.....
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
Could it really be?
Tomorrow I see my lawyer to sign the Deed and any other papers that may be required so my "sister" can have the her closing on Friday and the 19 month process of having her buy out my share of the property will be over.
It has been a long 19 months with many, many ups and downs but soon, the final tie will be broken and I will not have to deal with her any more.
The next step in all of this will be to get a Tax Accountant to figure the Capital Gains tax and to do my taxes for this year. Every other year I've been able to do them myself but, this year I'm going to need some help. I want to be able to put money away for my daughters college, save some and have some available for spending. It isn't even so much the amount of the money at this point, though my lawyer knows I don't sign any papers unless we get what we asked for. It is more the principal of it all. It has taken so long for this to happen. I have stood up to her and did not back down even when she dragged her feet, and boy did she drag her feet. I believe she felt I would eventually just stop the whole process but I didn't. I went so far as getting a lawyer, who would take her to court if that's what it came down to.
Well, that is over with. It will just be a matter of waiting for the check once the closing happens on Friday.
YEAH!!
Saturday, August 14, 2004
Just an Update
Medication - I am now off antipsychotics. After the bad reaction I had to abilify and having to stop the med, I am doing good without them. I have learned to pull out my skills when I need them (something I couldn't have done a couple of years ago) and keep myself stable.
As far as any pain goes, there are times my knees still hurt but for the most part all the pain associated with the medication is gone. All the x-rays and blood work done by my doctor came back negative, meaning that all the pain was truly associated with the medication. I don't see my pdoc until about October. I'm sure he'll be glad to see that I'm doing well without the Antipsychotic.
Work the past week has been stress free and almost like a vacation with the boss being on vacation. This of course comes to an end when he returns on Monday. There will be instant stress returning to the office. I have brought work home this weekend because I don't dare go into work on Monday with things still in a state of not working the way he will expect.
Things with the house are moving along. I had to write out a check for half the probate and appraisal cost and have it sent to my sisters' lawyer. Probate will not release the paper work until they are paid. So, if my sister actually pays her half in a timely manner, the closing should be scheduled shortly and I will be done with her. This of course means getting someone to figure out how much I will owe in Capital Gains Tax, paying my lawyer and a few other things that will cause me to pay out more money, which pisses me off. But, the bottom line is - it will be all said and done and the Bitch will be out of my life.
There will be no more reason for her to be a part of my life at all.
Things with Robert and I are going okay. He is once again, working as much as he can in order to make extra money. This is hard on me and we need to talk about some things concerning this but things usually work out. He gets focused on what he is doing and doesn't seem to have time for anything else.
The other thing I'm trying to do is get my daughter started on looking for colleges. She will be starting her senior year in a couple of weeks and my get her butt moving on this. She knows what she wants to do, it's just a matter of what schools and in what areas without breaking the bank.
She will get there and she will do fine. She does have some time before things have to be done but she will put things off as long as she can if I don't keep reminding her.
I will be stopping group therapy in 2 weeks. I have come to a point where I just don't need as much therapy as I required at one time. I will continue therapy once a week. That I'm not ready to give up yet since there are still things going on in my life that I require support for and making to many changes at one time isn't a good idea. We will take one thing at a time and when the time is right make changes as necessary. I would like to make more medication changes before I even consider cutting back on my therapy.
Saturday, July 31, 2004
Update on Joint Pain and .....
I don't really have much to report except that I did go to the doctors yesterday and he sent me for x-rays of my hands/fingers, knees and ankles. He also send me for a number of labs. They are: Lyme disease, CBC w/diff, C-reactive Protien, Rheumatoid Factor and Sed Rate. I had all this done on Friday after I left the doctors office. I am hoping that he gets everything back early enough on Monday so I don't have to wait to long to find out what is going on.
Unfortunately, I went and read about the blood test and some of the things they can tell from them is actually scary. What my doctor is really looking for is different causes of inflammation but there are a number of reasons that can cause this.
I did get somewhat some good news. My cholesteral results also came back and we went over those. Though the numbers are still high, the triglycerides are no where as high as they were before. I still have to watch what I eat but from what my doctor told me he can't put me on any meds for my cholesteral because of my other meds
And now for something that has me totally weirded out:
My daughter and I figured out today that I must be sleepwalking. I have no idea if this is something I have done before or if this was the only time.
I'm pretty sure I was asleep and dreaming when I vividly remember seeing my daughters flip-flops in the garbage. I didn't remember this until later in the day when she was looking for them. I told her to look there but she couldn't imagine why she would throw them out. So, when she was cleaning out my car, I went and took them out of the garbage and clean them off.
There other thing that happened is in the upstairs bathroom, there was a photo album on the sink. I asked Becky if she got up and used the upstairs bathroom during the night and she didn't. This must mean, since I was sleeping on the couch, I went upstairs, probably went to the bathroom and for whatever reason, brought the photo album into the bathroom. I will swear on a stack of bibles, I touched neither of those objects.
That's it for now.....
Friday, July 30, 2004
JOINT PAIN
I went to see my PCP today about the joint pain that I'm still having. There are a number of joints that are still bothering me and making me very uncomfortable.
Any way, he is doing a bunch of test and x-rays before he determines what is going on.
I had x-rays done of my wrist and fingers, knees and ankles.
I also had blood test done. There are for Lyme disease, c-ractive protein (whatever that is, but I will find out), rhumatoid factory and sed rate. So there you go Maggie, everything you ask for.
When he gets the results back, he will call me and let me know what is going on. In the meantime it is tylenol and warm baths.
On a bright note, I have been off my antipsychotics for just over a week and emotionally I am doing good.
The other good news is, that even though my cholesterol is still high, my triglycerides are no where near what they were on my first test.
While I wait I am still totally frustrated. I just need all this pain to go away.
It really sucks and there isn't much I can do about it until we know what it is.
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Update
I started taking Cogentin today to counter the side effects of the Abilify. It takes 24 - 48 hours for this med to start taking effect. I hope this works, I'll give it about 3 days to see if it will start working, if not it's off to see my PCP to see if anything else is going on. I am trying my best not thinking about what else it might be because just my luck it is something else but one step at a time and I need to stay positive. So, I will wait and pray and hope this works.
The great (yeah right, not if your me) about the Cogentin is one of it's side effects not listed anywhere I looked but on the sheet from the drug store is sleeplessness. So can you all guess which side effect I got from this med. Just when I thought the struggle with the Trazadone was over. It made me drowsy about an hour after I took it but then that worse off. I have slept about 1 1/2 hours since I got up at 3 this morning (short of my 10 min nap when the phone rang and woke me up). So, here we go again. I was going to give Robert the Trazadon but luckily he forgot to take it with him. We are going to have to work something out that it's not here but he remembers to bring me some when I need it. I'm only going to be able to keep a couple. The good news is, I only have 11 of them left. But if I have to take this med for awhile I might need to get more Trazadon.
Some of this problem sleeping could also be because my body is not used to not being in a state of 'tired' all the time. But I can't funtion long on less then 5 hours of sleep a night.
This is such a fun thing (NOT). One can only hope that when all is said and done I can manage without an antipsychotic because I'm not sure I'm ready to try a new med.
updates to follow as they become available.....
Sunday, July 25, 2004
The Good, The Bad and The Ugly
The good and bad are easy, there isn't anything to report.
The ugly has reared it's head this week. I switched from Seroquel to Abilify and that all appeared to go well. My thought process was in take (no comments from the peanut gallery - you know who you are!!). Well, just because the thought process works doesn't mean the med is good for you.
I personally like to get the uncommon/infrequent side effects of medication and this time is no different. I started to get joint pain somewhere along the week. It's hard to tell exactly when because lucky me has joints that already hurt. By Wednesday just about all my joints hurt. After making 2 calls to my Pdoc and my T calling and having him paged on Thursday he finally called me back. It seems that no one told him I was having joint pain. I was also having photosensitivity. I took Thursday and Friday off from work but I didn't really get to enjoy them. It's hard to stay comfortable and not in pain. I also had to go for blood test on Friday morning to have the cholesteral test redone and some additional test my PCP wanted.
On Saturday my daughter did some of my housework since I really couldn't do it. I've been sitting around doing as little as possible. At times I get up and walk around some, it actually feels good but it last only for a little while.
So this weekend has pretty much sucked the big one.
I think I am going to take tomorrow off. I can't imagine walking from the parking garage to the office and all around work tomorrow. I'm going to call my pdoc and see if there is anything he can do to give me some relief so I can go to work on Tuesday. I can't afford to take time off. Too much work to do. Of course if my doc tells me to, that is different. I brought work home and couldn't even do it. Hard to work when you can't sit still for long.
I have sleeping pills to help me get more then 3 hours of sleep at night but I can't allow myself to take them. I'm afraid that if I open the bottle, I will want to take 3 or 4, which is 1 or 2 more then I am suppose to take. I've called my T twice and I've just left messages. I'm not up to talking with her right now but at least I've made her aware of what I'm struggling with.
All I can hope for right now is some pain relief so I can get back to work before I get reamed out by my boss a second time in less then a weeks time.
Stay tuned for the next installment of - How the Meds Turn
The ugly has reared it's head this week. I switched from Seroquel to Abilify and that all appeared to go well. My thought process was in take (no comments from the peanut gallery - you know who you are!!). Well, just because the thought process works doesn't mean the med is good for you.
I personally like to get the uncommon/infrequent side effects of medication and this time is no different. I started to get joint pain somewhere along the week. It's hard to tell exactly when because lucky me has joints that already hurt. By Wednesday just about all my joints hurt. After making 2 calls to my Pdoc and my T calling and having him paged on Thursday he finally called me back. It seems that no one told him I was having joint pain. I was also having photosensitivity. I took Thursday and Friday off from work but I didn't really get to enjoy them. It's hard to stay comfortable and not in pain. I also had to go for blood test on Friday morning to have the cholesteral test redone and some additional test my PCP wanted.
On Saturday my daughter did some of my housework since I really couldn't do it. I've been sitting around doing as little as possible. At times I get up and walk around some, it actually feels good but it last only for a little while.
So this weekend has pretty much sucked the big one.
I think I am going to take tomorrow off. I can't imagine walking from the parking garage to the office and all around work tomorrow. I'm going to call my pdoc and see if there is anything he can do to give me some relief so I can go to work on Tuesday. I can't afford to take time off. Too much work to do. Of course if my doc tells me to, that is different. I brought work home and couldn't even do it. Hard to work when you can't sit still for long.
I have sleeping pills to help me get more then 3 hours of sleep at night but I can't allow myself to take them. I'm afraid that if I open the bottle, I will want to take 3 or 4, which is 1 or 2 more then I am suppose to take. I've called my T twice and I've just left messages. I'm not up to talking with her right now but at least I've made her aware of what I'm struggling with.
All I can hope for right now is some pain relief so I can get back to work before I get reamed out by my boss a second time in less then a weeks time.
Stay tuned for the next installment of - How the Meds Turn
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
It's been a really long time
It's been so long, it's hard to know where to start. I'll probably just jump around as I think of things so none of this will be in any order.
Work has been a real Bitch this past week or so because of the projects that I'm working on. One of the projects has gone into the production this past weekend, the other was suppose to go into production in August but won't be going in until September. My boss, was not at all happy with the fact that I told him it would take a miracle to make the August implementation date. The way I see it, it is better to remove the changes/project now from the version, then to tell them we will make it and end up removing it at a later date.
I have also been telling my boss for the past 3 or 4 weeks that I wasn't going to be able to make the date.
He told me that removing this project from the August version was going to reflect on me and also him. I don't understand where it makes me look bad, he was manager of both the projects and knew what my workload was. I don't know how he expected me to split my time when one of the projects was due earlier then the other one.
The good news is, I do have Thursday and Friday off. They did not come without some snyde remarks from my boss.
My friend with the tumor on her kidney is doing better in the respect that the tumor is shrinking like it is suppose to. Of course she is losing weight and is very tired from the chemo.
My other friend, whos' partner has cancer, receives her second chemo treatment on Friday. They know she will spend all of next week very sick. All we can do is pray that the chemo with kill the rest of the cancer. The odds when you look at them all, don't look so good.
My best friend currently has temporary custody of her nephew. We don't how know long temporary means at this point. It has added some stress to her life but with the situation going on (which I can reveal), taking her nephew was the right thing to do.
Most of you know that I changed my antipsychotic from seroquel to abilify. I believe that I am having some side effects from the abilify and I'm waiting for my shrink to call me back so we can talk about a plan of action.
The whole property thing with my sister is still sitting in probate court. My lawyers office has managed to get probate court to agree to call them when the paper work has been complete so we don't have to wait an wonder if the processing has been completed.
I thnk that about covers everything. If I think of something that I mised, I will update this.
Work has been a real Bitch this past week or so because of the projects that I'm working on. One of the projects has gone into the production this past weekend, the other was suppose to go into production in August but won't be going in until September. My boss, was not at all happy with the fact that I told him it would take a miracle to make the August implementation date. The way I see it, it is better to remove the changes/project now from the version, then to tell them we will make it and end up removing it at a later date.
I have also been telling my boss for the past 3 or 4 weeks that I wasn't going to be able to make the date.
He told me that removing this project from the August version was going to reflect on me and also him. I don't understand where it makes me look bad, he was manager of both the projects and knew what my workload was. I don't know how he expected me to split my time when one of the projects was due earlier then the other one.
The good news is, I do have Thursday and Friday off. They did not come without some snyde remarks from my boss.
My friend with the tumor on her kidney is doing better in the respect that the tumor is shrinking like it is suppose to. Of course she is losing weight and is very tired from the chemo.
My other friend, whos' partner has cancer, receives her second chemo treatment on Friday. They know she will spend all of next week very sick. All we can do is pray that the chemo with kill the rest of the cancer. The odds when you look at them all, don't look so good.
My best friend currently has temporary custody of her nephew. We don't how know long temporary means at this point. It has added some stress to her life but with the situation going on (which I can reveal), taking her nephew was the right thing to do.
Most of you know that I changed my antipsychotic from seroquel to abilify. I believe that I am having some side effects from the abilify and I'm waiting for my shrink to call me back so we can talk about a plan of action.
The whole property thing with my sister is still sitting in probate court. My lawyers office has managed to get probate court to agree to call them when the paper work has been complete so we don't have to wait an wonder if the processing has been completed.
I thnk that about covers everything. If I think of something that I mised, I will update this.
Sunday, June 27, 2004
What's been happening
First an update on what is happening with my sister:
Not a lot these days. They finally got around to filing the paper work in Probate Court last week. It can take up to 6 weeks for the whole process to take place. I can't wait for this to be over. You know they put this off on purpose. I wonder is she is going to have to re-apply for her loan because they took to long to apply. I'm sure if she does, she will drag her feet on that also. I won't put up with it. I'll wait the appropriate amount of time and call Probate Court. When I find out the paper work has been complete, I will let my lawyer know so he can call the Credit Union or the Bitch's lawyer.
Maggie (my friend from NJ) says she is doing okay. She hasn't been sick the past few days which is a good sign but that doesn't mean she is well on her way to getting better yet. She sees the doctor tomorrow and she'll know better what is going on. She is also taking her 22 yr. old daughter with her. Her daughter has been sick for a little over 2 weeks with symptoms that could be the on set of Lupus but didn't tell anyone right away. She needs to be tested and since she wouldn't go to the doctor on her own, she is being dragged if she likes it or not. I don't know how long it will take to get the lab test back but it's like sitting on pins and needles waiting for all the results to come back and they aren't even mine.
Cami's partner, Michele, is home from the hospital and getting some much needed rest. She has Ovarian and Uterine Cancer. A CT scan has shown it has not spread to any other organs of her body. They get the full report the beginning of this week and she will start Chemo on Thursday or Friday. Since the cancer is very agressive and they couldn't get it all out, I'm sure they are going to be agressive about treating it. They have a long, rough road ahead of them.
My cousin's little girl (who I don't know), has had a tumor on her brain, that is inoperable and they never expected her to live this long.
She recently had surgery and then developed a UTI. The infection has taken over her body according to the last journal entry my cousin has made. I feel bad for my cousin's little girl but these people are like strangers to me. What I am trying to do for right now, is brace myself for a call from someone in my family to tell me she has passed away. It's the only time anyone seems to call me. They can't seem to find the time to call with any type of good news.
As for me, yup even some news about me. In a couple of weeks I'm going to attempt switching from Seroquel to Abilify. Abilify is suppose to, in most cases, make it easier to lose weight. It also is normally taken only once a day. That will be a help. My pdoc won't allow me to start the switch while my therapist is on vacation, that means I have to wait until after July 7th. I've waited this long, I guess a couple of more weeks won't hurt.
I also had a number of blood test done on Saturday. Besides the normal blood work my pdoc does, I had him order labs for my thyroid and cholesteral. I figure in a couple of weeks I'll get a call from my PCP tell me my cholesteral is still high. I haven't been watching what I eat at all. I doesn't seem to matter as far as my weight is concerned, I still gain or lose according to what my body decides. I have started to feel a little more tired lately and my cycles have gotten a little off again so I'll be interested in knowing if my thyroid is functioning okay.
I'm not worried. At this point I'm just taking it one day at a time. I need to lose weight and after the med change, I will attempt to try to stop smoking again. I will have to talk to my PCP about the best way to deal with the anxiety.
That's it for now. I think that is more then enough.
Not a lot these days. They finally got around to filing the paper work in Probate Court last week. It can take up to 6 weeks for the whole process to take place. I can't wait for this to be over. You know they put this off on purpose. I wonder is she is going to have to re-apply for her loan because they took to long to apply. I'm sure if she does, she will drag her feet on that also. I won't put up with it. I'll wait the appropriate amount of time and call Probate Court. When I find out the paper work has been complete, I will let my lawyer know so he can call the Credit Union or the Bitch's lawyer.
Maggie (my friend from NJ) says she is doing okay. She hasn't been sick the past few days which is a good sign but that doesn't mean she is well on her way to getting better yet. She sees the doctor tomorrow and she'll know better what is going on. She is also taking her 22 yr. old daughter with her. Her daughter has been sick for a little over 2 weeks with symptoms that could be the on set of Lupus but didn't tell anyone right away. She needs to be tested and since she wouldn't go to the doctor on her own, she is being dragged if she likes it or not. I don't know how long it will take to get the lab test back but it's like sitting on pins and needles waiting for all the results to come back and they aren't even mine.
Cami's partner, Michele, is home from the hospital and getting some much needed rest. She has Ovarian and Uterine Cancer. A CT scan has shown it has not spread to any other organs of her body. They get the full report the beginning of this week and she will start Chemo on Thursday or Friday. Since the cancer is very agressive and they couldn't get it all out, I'm sure they are going to be agressive about treating it. They have a long, rough road ahead of them.
My cousin's little girl (who I don't know), has had a tumor on her brain, that is inoperable and they never expected her to live this long.
She recently had surgery and then developed a UTI. The infection has taken over her body according to the last journal entry my cousin has made. I feel bad for my cousin's little girl but these people are like strangers to me. What I am trying to do for right now, is brace myself for a call from someone in my family to tell me she has passed away. It's the only time anyone seems to call me. They can't seem to find the time to call with any type of good news.
As for me, yup even some news about me. In a couple of weeks I'm going to attempt switching from Seroquel to Abilify. Abilify is suppose to, in most cases, make it easier to lose weight. It also is normally taken only once a day. That will be a help. My pdoc won't allow me to start the switch while my therapist is on vacation, that means I have to wait until after July 7th. I've waited this long, I guess a couple of more weeks won't hurt.
I also had a number of blood test done on Saturday. Besides the normal blood work my pdoc does, I had him order labs for my thyroid and cholesteral. I figure in a couple of weeks I'll get a call from my PCP tell me my cholesteral is still high. I haven't been watching what I eat at all. I doesn't seem to matter as far as my weight is concerned, I still gain or lose according to what my body decides. I have started to feel a little more tired lately and my cycles have gotten a little off again so I'll be interested in knowing if my thyroid is functioning okay.
I'm not worried. At this point I'm just taking it one day at a time. I need to lose weight and after the med change, I will attempt to try to stop smoking again. I will have to talk to my PCP about the best way to deal with the anxiety.
That's it for now. I think that is more then enough.
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Friends and their pain
I'm not even sure how to really start this. I want to sit here and cry right now after reading an email from a friend.
I have one friend who has Lupus and a growth on her bad Kidney which is being treated with low dose Chemo. They increased the Chemo dose because her blood work didn't come back as good as they hoped. If the med doesn't work, they will have to try and get her strong enough for surgery. Right now she is to weak to make it through surgery. So, I wonder what will happen, if the medication doesn't work and she isn't strong enough to make it through surgery.
This person is an angel. No matter how sick she is and has been from her Lupus, she is always willing to help others. I can't stand to see her this sick and being so far away, there is nothing that I can do to help her out.
I have another friend, who's SO had a hysteroctomey (sp) yesterday. They found cancer and had to remove two lymph nodes and couldn't get all the cancer. They will know more when all the test come back as to where the cancer started and how far it may have spread. My friend is an angel and though I haven't met her SO, I know she must be a very special person to be in my friends life.
Prayers are needed for these people. They are very special and we want them to pull through whatever G*D's plan is.
I have one friend who has Lupus and a growth on her bad Kidney which is being treated with low dose Chemo. They increased the Chemo dose because her blood work didn't come back as good as they hoped. If the med doesn't work, they will have to try and get her strong enough for surgery. Right now she is to weak to make it through surgery. So, I wonder what will happen, if the medication doesn't work and she isn't strong enough to make it through surgery.
This person is an angel. No matter how sick she is and has been from her Lupus, she is always willing to help others. I can't stand to see her this sick and being so far away, there is nothing that I can do to help her out.
I have another friend, who's SO had a hysteroctomey (sp) yesterday. They found cancer and had to remove two lymph nodes and couldn't get all the cancer. They will know more when all the test come back as to where the cancer started and how far it may have spread. My friend is an angel and though I haven't met her SO, I know she must be a very special person to be in my friends life.
Prayers are needed for these people. They are very special and we want them to pull through whatever G*D's plan is.
Monday, June 14, 2004
Monday Morning
It's Monday and I have the day off. I had originally planned to take the day for myself but instead I will be heading down to Willimantic and going to the Probate Court to find out what is exactly going on with all the property stuff. I did find out on Friday that the paper work was recently filed but they were too busy to give me any more information. I will get there early and get in and out as fast as possible.
Maggie and Cami came up on Friday and left on Saturday. Maggie was feeling good on Friday and we had a blast. We talked and joked and even took a walk. I am glad that she had the one good day. I am thankful that she has good days. On Saturday she woke up sick and they left for home earlier then they originally planned. It was hard seeing her so sick and not being able to do anything for her. I guess the only good thing about her being sick here was her son didn't have to see her be sick this one time. He didn't have to worry all day about his mommy. Her son has the heart of a saint. It is many sizes bigger then it should be for a kid of 8. He is so in touch with feelings and how things in life will affect others. He is such a special kid.
Originally Maggie told me she had a tumor on her liver but it is actually on her Kidney - the bad one at that. Being on a low dose chemo pill really does knock her down and makes it hard for her to eat and keep anything in. She has a feeling she will be going in the hospital for a couple of days since she is having such a hard time keeping anything down.
I will update after I get back from Probate Court with what I find out. I am sure the process will take a while, especially since it was recently filed. This is something that should have been done over a year ago and wouldn't have had an effect my sister buying out my half of the property.
ONCE again I have made it down to Willimantic and back without running into anyone I didn't want to see. So, Maggie, you can get off my shoulder for a little while. Carrying all that extra weight (and I know you're not heavy, is making my back hurt more).
Here's what I know so far, the clerk at the Probate Office didn't have the file handy but will get in touch with me when she locates it. It could have been in the pile the other clerk was working on and she wasn't in yet.
This had to be filed through the state since my Mother received state aid while she was in the Nursing Home. They will need to do a search to see if there is any property or accounts in my Mother's name that we don't know about. Since my Mother had life use, she was actually partial owner of the property and with that status on the deed, the property can not be sold.
There was a Title Search done on May 10th.
There was nothing in the computer that the paper work had been entered, so they haven't started to deal with it yet. The clerk might even call my sister's attorney to find out what is going on. Won't that ruffle some feathers?!??!
That's pretty much the story. So, it really is just a matter of time for the paper work to be processed. There is also some filing fee that has to be paid. I didn't ask how much because I'm not paying it but I'm sure my sister isn't going to be happy. Oh well.
Maggie and Cami came up on Friday and left on Saturday. Maggie was feeling good on Friday and we had a blast. We talked and joked and even took a walk. I am glad that she had the one good day. I am thankful that she has good days. On Saturday she woke up sick and they left for home earlier then they originally planned. It was hard seeing her so sick and not being able to do anything for her. I guess the only good thing about her being sick here was her son didn't have to see her be sick this one time. He didn't have to worry all day about his mommy. Her son has the heart of a saint. It is many sizes bigger then it should be for a kid of 8. He is so in touch with feelings and how things in life will affect others. He is such a special kid.
Originally Maggie told me she had a tumor on her liver but it is actually on her Kidney - the bad one at that. Being on a low dose chemo pill really does knock her down and makes it hard for her to eat and keep anything in. She has a feeling she will be going in the hospital for a couple of days since she is having such a hard time keeping anything down.
I will update after I get back from Probate Court with what I find out. I am sure the process will take a while, especially since it was recently filed. This is something that should have been done over a year ago and wouldn't have had an effect my sister buying out my half of the property.
ONCE again I have made it down to Willimantic and back without running into anyone I didn't want to see. So, Maggie, you can get off my shoulder for a little while. Carrying all that extra weight (and I know you're not heavy, is making my back hurt more).
Here's what I know so far, the clerk at the Probate Office didn't have the file handy but will get in touch with me when she locates it. It could have been in the pile the other clerk was working on and she wasn't in yet.
This had to be filed through the state since my Mother received state aid while she was in the Nursing Home. They will need to do a search to see if there is any property or accounts in my Mother's name that we don't know about. Since my Mother had life use, she was actually partial owner of the property and with that status on the deed, the property can not be sold.
There was a Title Search done on May 10th.
There was nothing in the computer that the paper work had been entered, so they haven't started to deal with it yet. The clerk might even call my sister's attorney to find out what is going on. Won't that ruffle some feathers?!??!
That's pretty much the story. So, it really is just a matter of time for the paper work to be processed. There is also some filing fee that has to be paid. I didn't ask how much because I'm not paying it but I'm sure my sister isn't going to be happy. Oh well.
Friday, June 04, 2004
It's been awhile
I just finished chatted with a good friend friend of mine. About 3 weeks ago her nephew, who was one day shy of his 30th birthday passed away from a lethal combination of medication and drinking. He went out to celebrate his b-day with his buddies. It was the first time he was on medication. I don't know yet exactly what he was one and I have no idea how much he drank but the world is now short one caring and loving person. He left behind a 3 year old daughter. How is she going to understand what happened?
This was a real eye opener to me. 2 1/2 years ago, I was drinking way more then I should have been, every day for a month and a half. The way I see it, I am lucky to be alive today. All I know is there must have been something bigger then me out there looking after me. I was so depressed that I didn't care about living at all. I actually thought everyone would have been better off without me. When push came to shove I ended up in the hospital and 1 1/2 weeks later I was home and doing a lot better.
My friend also just told me that she has a spot on her liver that needs to be removed. She tells me not to worry but, she knows that is exactly what I will do. She will be coming up next week if she is able to find someone to watch her son. She wants to see me before she has surgery and I want to see her also. She has been through a lot in her life. She also has Lupus which doesn't help at all. I am praying that she will be okay and I am asking, that if you are reading this that you also say a pray for her. Though is often doesn't feel well, she will do everything she can to help someone in need. She has instilled this value in her children. Her son who is about 8 (I think) is collecting used books, toys and clothes for children, for a charity in the South Bronx. She has passed that warm, loving heart onto her son.
Things in my life are going okay. Robert and I have been talking and though we aren't seeing each other as much as I would like, I'm learning a lot about myself these days. I have started reading about spirituality and learning to love myself.
I am still waiting for things with my sister to be completed. Some things never change. Though, the Credit Union is waiting on things to get moving in Probate Court before they set a closing date. I would like this to be completed since I have the retainer for the lawyer on my credit card.
When I talked with my lawyer the other day, he explained to me that in some towns, the only hold Probate Court one or two days a week so it could take some time for this to actual get to the court.
This was a real eye opener to me. 2 1/2 years ago, I was drinking way more then I should have been, every day for a month and a half. The way I see it, I am lucky to be alive today. All I know is there must have been something bigger then me out there looking after me. I was so depressed that I didn't care about living at all. I actually thought everyone would have been better off without me. When push came to shove I ended up in the hospital and 1 1/2 weeks later I was home and doing a lot better.
My friend also just told me that she has a spot on her liver that needs to be removed. She tells me not to worry but, she knows that is exactly what I will do. She will be coming up next week if she is able to find someone to watch her son. She wants to see me before she has surgery and I want to see her also. She has been through a lot in her life. She also has Lupus which doesn't help at all. I am praying that she will be okay and I am asking, that if you are reading this that you also say a pray for her. Though is often doesn't feel well, she will do everything she can to help someone in need. She has instilled this value in her children. Her son who is about 8 (I think) is collecting used books, toys and clothes for children, for a charity in the South Bronx. She has passed that warm, loving heart onto her son.
Things in my life are going okay. Robert and I have been talking and though we aren't seeing each other as much as I would like, I'm learning a lot about myself these days. I have started reading about spirituality and learning to love myself.
I am still waiting for things with my sister to be completed. Some things never change. Though, the Credit Union is waiting on things to get moving in Probate Court before they set a closing date. I would like this to be completed since I have the retainer for the lawyer on my credit card.
When I talked with my lawyer the other day, he explained to me that in some towns, the only hold Probate Court one or two days a week so it could take some time for this to actual get to the court.
Saturday, May 15, 2004
Where to begin?!?!?!?
Thursday morning I received a call from the lawyer I've been using since the start of the legal process with my "sister". It seems that my "sisters" lawyer called him to let him know that my "sister" really does have a committment from the credit union and to give my lawyer the name of the the lawyer handling the closing and his number. My lawyer was going to call this lawyer. As of now, I haven't heard anything new but that could just be lawyers playing phone tag.
I had to call the new lawyer and tell him to put things on hold for right now. I am not 100% convinced that things will go smoothly but I guess having this lawyer send the letter that he did made my sisters' lawyer react and give us the information that we asked for over a month ago. Until I hear from my lawyer and find out what exactly is going on with the closing, I will not feel comfortable with the fact that my "sister" has a committment.
The other thing that I am not concerned about is, am I really going to get the amount that we asked for? We have never received any type of acknowledgement or counter offer. I can only guess that they agreed with the offer and are moving forward with that number.
On a sad note - a friend of mine who lives in NJ sent out an email late Thursday night to inform a number of her friends that one of her nephews had passed away. This guy would have been 30 years old on Friday. He leaves behind a 3 year old. I've never met him or his mother but my friend Maggie talked about her sister all the time. This was one of her favorite nephews.
For me this is hard to take in even though I didn't know them personally. He died because he was taking antidepressants and a bunch of his buddies took him out drinking for his birthday. He drank too much (now we all know that even one drink could be too much) and it became a lethal combination for him.
There are times I struggle with the urge to drink. That I find it would be so much easier just to give in and have those drinks. In 2001, I spent a month and a half drinking fairly heavy and I was just fine. The luck of the draw, I would say. In this case, This young man wasn't so lucky, he has lost his life and the lives of so many have been affected.
Let this be a reminder to all of us, that drinking in excessive quantity is never a good idea - if we are on medication or not.
I had to call the new lawyer and tell him to put things on hold for right now. I am not 100% convinced that things will go smoothly but I guess having this lawyer send the letter that he did made my sisters' lawyer react and give us the information that we asked for over a month ago. Until I hear from my lawyer and find out what exactly is going on with the closing, I will not feel comfortable with the fact that my "sister" has a committment.
The other thing that I am not concerned about is, am I really going to get the amount that we asked for? We have never received any type of acknowledgement or counter offer. I can only guess that they agreed with the offer and are moving forward with that number.
On a sad note - a friend of mine who lives in NJ sent out an email late Thursday night to inform a number of her friends that one of her nephews had passed away. This guy would have been 30 years old on Friday. He leaves behind a 3 year old. I've never met him or his mother but my friend Maggie talked about her sister all the time. This was one of her favorite nephews.
For me this is hard to take in even though I didn't know them personally. He died because he was taking antidepressants and a bunch of his buddies took him out drinking for his birthday. He drank too much (now we all know that even one drink could be too much) and it became a lethal combination for him.
There are times I struggle with the urge to drink. That I find it would be so much easier just to give in and have those drinks. In 2001, I spent a month and a half drinking fairly heavy and I was just fine. The luck of the draw, I would say. In this case, This young man wasn't so lucky, he has lost his life and the lives of so many have been affected.
Let this be a reminder to all of us, that drinking in excessive quantity is never a good idea - if we are on medication or not.
Thursday, May 13, 2004
Update
On Monday at 11:30 a.m., I smoked my last cigarette. That was the last one that I had and I am not going to buy anymore. So far so good. No cravings, just added anxiety. Just what I need, more anxiety in my life. But, I have a stress ball and other things I can use to keep my hands busy during the day at work. It's a little harder when I get home but, I'm managing okay. The hardest times seem to be when I'm driving the car and in the evenings when I'm just sitting around with not much to do.
Somehow I will make it. I am determined to quit. Not only will it save me money but it is good for me too.
On the continuing saga...
The lawyer sent a letter to my sister on Monday (I received it by email on Monday) and she probably received it Tuesday or Wednesday. I'm sure she isn't a happy camper. If she knows what is good for her she will make sure she understands what the process of a partition action is. She can't play games anymore. The only way to stop the process is to get financing or agree to sell the house with me. I'm not sure she understands the seriousness of all of this since she hasn't move quicker in the past. I don't even know if she has a lawyer. Not my problem, not my issue.
I am waiting for some relative to call me and start with the 3rd degree, I so want to tell them that she has dragged this out for over a year and she has had plenty of options. Then remind them, that it is none of their business and drop the subject. Because I'm sure Judy has told many lies about me that could take me the rest of my life to clear up.
Today is my "fathers" birthday and it doesn't bother me at all. The only reason I remember it is, my daughter birthday is tomorrow. When they scheduled me to go in to have her, I was happy that they didn't make it the 13th of May.
That's about all that is happening at this time. If you hear a lot of yelling and screaming from Windham County, it is most likely my sister, not getting her own way.
Somehow I will make it. I am determined to quit. Not only will it save me money but it is good for me too.
On the continuing saga...
The lawyer sent a letter to my sister on Monday (I received it by email on Monday) and she probably received it Tuesday or Wednesday. I'm sure she isn't a happy camper. If she knows what is good for her she will make sure she understands what the process of a partition action is. She can't play games anymore. The only way to stop the process is to get financing or agree to sell the house with me. I'm not sure she understands the seriousness of all of this since she hasn't move quicker in the past. I don't even know if she has a lawyer. Not my problem, not my issue.
I am waiting for some relative to call me and start with the 3rd degree, I so want to tell them that she has dragged this out for over a year and she has had plenty of options. Then remind them, that it is none of their business and drop the subject. Because I'm sure Judy has told many lies about me that could take me the rest of my life to clear up.
Today is my "fathers" birthday and it doesn't bother me at all. The only reason I remember it is, my daughter birthday is tomorrow. When they scheduled me to go in to have her, I was happy that they didn't make it the 13th of May.
That's about all that is happening at this time. If you hear a lot of yelling and screaming from Windham County, it is most likely my sister, not getting her own way.
Thursday, May 06, 2004
A sense of relief
I went to see the other lawyer today and have set things in motion that only Judy can stop.
The first thing that needs to happen is a Title Search. They need to make sure there are no liens against the property, mainly tax liens if she hasn't been paying the property taxes.
The lawyer will then send her a letter (and copy the attorney she has been using) concerning the partition action. 10 days after the letter goes out all the filings start and she gets served.
At any point she can stop the process by getting financing and letting us know she has this.
There will be a court appearence that I most likely will not have to go to but she will or probably her lawyer, if she still has one. If she doesn't show, decisions will be made without her being there. A committee will be appointed to handle the partition action. A date for the auction will be set (it will be a Saturday at noon). So if it gets this far and you know anyone who is looking to buy a house in the Windham area to fix up and turn around and sell, let me know.
Once the house is sold, there will be another court appearance, to handle the distribution of funds. The closing will take place 30 days later. If she hasn't moved out of the house by that time, she will be given notice that she has 2 days to move. If she hasn't moved out by that time, a moving crew will come in and move everything out to the street and it will be taken away.
I don't know if any of the papers she receives will explain the process to her or not but she is in for a big surprise. Once the process starts, it follows its own time table. She can't drag things out, they will move along without her.
Maybe being served will make her realize that I'm not going to back down. That she can't try and control the situation any longer. Finally I feel like I have control of this situation.
I'm not sure why she has been dragging this out for so long, there could be so many reasons:
thinking I would back down
thinking that I don't deserve any portion of the property since she has lived there and probably feels she had done so much for my mother, but I firmly believe that my mother would have never lost her foot if my sister was really doing what she should have been.
just being her controlling and manipulating self
for whatever reason, not wanting me to break the final tie to my family of origin
Or, she could have her own agenda
Whatever her reasons have been, they are done and over with. From this point on, they don't hold any water. Things will happen fairly quickly and she has to follow the dates set up by the court and committee. So, we will see how she responds to either the letter or being served.
As soon as I know more, I will update you.
The first thing that needs to happen is a Title Search. They need to make sure there are no liens against the property, mainly tax liens if she hasn't been paying the property taxes.
The lawyer will then send her a letter (and copy the attorney she has been using) concerning the partition action. 10 days after the letter goes out all the filings start and she gets served.
At any point she can stop the process by getting financing and letting us know she has this.
There will be a court appearence that I most likely will not have to go to but she will or probably her lawyer, if she still has one. If she doesn't show, decisions will be made without her being there. A committee will be appointed to handle the partition action. A date for the auction will be set (it will be a Saturday at noon). So if it gets this far and you know anyone who is looking to buy a house in the Windham area to fix up and turn around and sell, let me know.
Once the house is sold, there will be another court appearance, to handle the distribution of funds. The closing will take place 30 days later. If she hasn't moved out of the house by that time, she will be given notice that she has 2 days to move. If she hasn't moved out by that time, a moving crew will come in and move everything out to the street and it will be taken away.
I don't know if any of the papers she receives will explain the process to her or not but she is in for a big surprise. Once the process starts, it follows its own time table. She can't drag things out, they will move along without her.
Maybe being served will make her realize that I'm not going to back down. That she can't try and control the situation any longer. Finally I feel like I have control of this situation.
I'm not sure why she has been dragging this out for so long, there could be so many reasons:
thinking I would back down
thinking that I don't deserve any portion of the property since she has lived there and probably feels she had done so much for my mother, but I firmly believe that my mother would have never lost her foot if my sister was really doing what she should have been.
just being her controlling and manipulating self
for whatever reason, not wanting me to break the final tie to my family of origin
Or, she could have her own agenda
Whatever her reasons have been, they are done and over with. From this point on, they don't hold any water. Things will happen fairly quickly and she has to follow the dates set up by the court and committee. So, we will see how she responds to either the letter or being served.
As soon as I know more, I will update you.
Monday, May 03, 2004
How to change your mood in less then 2 mins
In my case, all it took was a call to my lawyer. He has heard nothing from my sisters lawyer since a week ago, this past Friday. Can anyone explain why it takes over a week to get a copy of a commitment letter from the Credit Union? There is no explaination. My lawyer was going to call the Bitch's lawyer and get back to me. As of now, I have heard nothing. This is not good news.
I called the other lawyer today and made an appointment for Thursday. I will be taking the day off since the only time he has is during the day but that is okay. I will do what it takes to get this moving along.
I would like to get the Bitch served as quickly as possible. The sooner the better. Maybe then she will take me seriously. Nothing else seems to matter.
As far as I'm concerned, she fed her lawyer a line of bullshit when she said she had a commitment letter.
So, needless to say, I am ready to kill. But, in reality, what I want to do is drink and hurt myself. Ahhh, but that is out of the question. I'm not allowed. I have to find other things to do that will help me. I can't use the quick fix - even though it would help me feel better.
So, here I am typing. Talking would probably help more but it's only fair to let everyone get home from work and relax some before I start venting in their ear.
I'll beat on the punching bag some. I may even write a letter I won't send.
All I really know is right now there is so much anger inside, I don't really know what to do with it, that won't get me in trouble.
I called the other lawyer today and made an appointment for Thursday. I will be taking the day off since the only time he has is during the day but that is okay. I will do what it takes to get this moving along.
I would like to get the Bitch served as quickly as possible. The sooner the better. Maybe then she will take me seriously. Nothing else seems to matter.
As far as I'm concerned, she fed her lawyer a line of bullshit when she said she had a commitment letter.
So, needless to say, I am ready to kill. But, in reality, what I want to do is drink and hurt myself. Ahhh, but that is out of the question. I'm not allowed. I have to find other things to do that will help me. I can't use the quick fix - even though it would help me feel better.
So, here I am typing. Talking would probably help more but it's only fair to let everyone get home from work and relax some before I start venting in their ear.
I'll beat on the punching bag some. I may even write a letter I won't send.
All I really know is right now there is so much anger inside, I don't really know what to do with it, that won't get me in trouble.
Saturday, May 01, 2004
Monday should be interesting at work
On Monday, we are going to work, keeping our heads down and doing our work. We aren't going to do anything to upset our boss. He is going to be pissed off enough when he gets into work.
First of all, he took Friday off as a vacation day. We needed him to do that.
His boss is getting tired of his bitching and complaining. Our boss has some very strange habits and issues that we have learned to deal with. He was recently given additional responsibilities but who he reported to was also changed. He doesn't like that very much. Instead of having just 3 people reporting to him, he has 8 and he has a larger work load and is getting overwhelmed.
Anyway, we did a little steam blowing of our own on Friday to his boss because of the way he is. He took Friday off but didn't tell us. He hardly ever tells us. But if we want to take time off for anything we better ask and we always let everyone who needs to know, know. His boss wasn't too happy.
We also have to do time reporting of sorts. It's done by project with percents. We normally have to have this info to our boss by 11. He usually enters this in for us, everyone else does their own. Since he was out, I got instructions on how to enter our time and noticed that we only had some very basic catagories to put our time into. So, I went to his boss to get the proper codes and she is like "what is he doing?". We ended up putting our time where it belonged but I'm sure he isn't going to like that.
We are just going to be very quiet employees on Monday.
First of all, he took Friday off as a vacation day. We needed him to do that.
His boss is getting tired of his bitching and complaining. Our boss has some very strange habits and issues that we have learned to deal with. He was recently given additional responsibilities but who he reported to was also changed. He doesn't like that very much. Instead of having just 3 people reporting to him, he has 8 and he has a larger work load and is getting overwhelmed.
Anyway, we did a little steam blowing of our own on Friday to his boss because of the way he is. He took Friday off but didn't tell us. He hardly ever tells us. But if we want to take time off for anything we better ask and we always let everyone who needs to know, know. His boss wasn't too happy.
We also have to do time reporting of sorts. It's done by project with percents. We normally have to have this info to our boss by 11. He usually enters this in for us, everyone else does their own. Since he was out, I got instructions on how to enter our time and noticed that we only had some very basic catagories to put our time into. So, I went to his boss to get the proper codes and she is like "what is he doing?". We ended up putting our time where it belonged but I'm sure he isn't going to like that.
We are just going to be very quiet employees on Monday.
The Good Year Blimp
No - The Good Year Blimp hasn't been flying over Bloomfield, it's the way I've been feeling lately.
It doesn't seem to matter what I eat or how much I eat, I can't lose weight. I gain a few pounds and lose a few pounds. But, I always seem to gain more then I lose. I hate this crap. I'm tired of not being able to lose weight.
Some of this is because of my medications. The one med that makes it the hardest for me to lose weight is the one that I tried to start to tapper down a little over a month ago and had to increase the dose again.
The other thing that makes it harder is the Hypothyroidism. I've been reading up on this. I actually went to the book store today and got a couple of books. It seems that if I intake too few calories, I could actually gain some weight but I definitely won't lose. I have to watch what I eat. They recommend the Mediterranean Diet. So, I'm going to try to read up on that and see what I can do. I am going on a mandatory exercise program at work. They changed where we park starting on Monday and now instead of a shuttle to bring us to work, we will be walking. It is probably a 10 min walk each way. I am also going to have to try to get myself to add some exercise in, in addition to that.
It seems there is a number of conditions that can be attributed to Hypothyroidism and as my luck would have it, some of those same conditions can be caused by some of my medications. Of which one of the side effects can be Hypothroidism. Isn't it just wonderful?!?!?!
So, is my lack of energy and motivation from my meds or Hypothyroidism? Is my high Cholesterol from medication or Hypothyroidism or just because it's high? I'm sure the list could go on and on.
The weight is a combination of both. No one ever said life was fair but I would settle for a little fairness in my life.
Hypothyroidism is something that I have to live with for the rest of my life. That means watching what I eat, getting my thyroid levels tested and all that fun stuff. Of course, I'll probably be on a lot of my meds for a very long time.
I am going to attempt to quit smoking shortly. I have 8 packs of cigs left and I'm going to give it a shot. I've been trying to cut back these past few weeks. Oh yeah, smoking and caffine can affect the hypothyroidism also. I'm not sure now is a good time to quit but is it ever a good time to quit????
To date, I still don't have a copy of the commitment letter in hand from my sisters' lawyer. I left my lawyer a message Friday morning and he hasn't returned my call. There could be multiple reasons for this. I will call him again on Monday morning. If we don't have any information and he can't get any, I will call the other lawyer back and set up an appointment and meet with him.
I can't believe my sister would still try to play games after her lawyer told her to get moving on this stuff or find a new lawyer. Oh well, I guess she's going to play games with her lawyer and see how serious she is.
All in all, I'm handling everything okay. But I'm not sure how long that will last since there is lots of frustration and anger. So far I've been managing to keep myself busy and not dwell on things. How long can that last?
It doesn't seem to matter what I eat or how much I eat, I can't lose weight. I gain a few pounds and lose a few pounds. But, I always seem to gain more then I lose. I hate this crap. I'm tired of not being able to lose weight.
Some of this is because of my medications. The one med that makes it the hardest for me to lose weight is the one that I tried to start to tapper down a little over a month ago and had to increase the dose again.
The other thing that makes it harder is the Hypothyroidism. I've been reading up on this. I actually went to the book store today and got a couple of books. It seems that if I intake too few calories, I could actually gain some weight but I definitely won't lose. I have to watch what I eat. They recommend the Mediterranean Diet. So, I'm going to try to read up on that and see what I can do. I am going on a mandatory exercise program at work. They changed where we park starting on Monday and now instead of a shuttle to bring us to work, we will be walking. It is probably a 10 min walk each way. I am also going to have to try to get myself to add some exercise in, in addition to that.
It seems there is a number of conditions that can be attributed to Hypothyroidism and as my luck would have it, some of those same conditions can be caused by some of my medications. Of which one of the side effects can be Hypothroidism. Isn't it just wonderful?!?!?!
So, is my lack of energy and motivation from my meds or Hypothyroidism? Is my high Cholesterol from medication or Hypothyroidism or just because it's high? I'm sure the list could go on and on.
The weight is a combination of both. No one ever said life was fair but I would settle for a little fairness in my life.
Hypothyroidism is something that I have to live with for the rest of my life. That means watching what I eat, getting my thyroid levels tested and all that fun stuff. Of course, I'll probably be on a lot of my meds for a very long time.
I am going to attempt to quit smoking shortly. I have 8 packs of cigs left and I'm going to give it a shot. I've been trying to cut back these past few weeks. Oh yeah, smoking and caffine can affect the hypothyroidism also. I'm not sure now is a good time to quit but is it ever a good time to quit????
To date, I still don't have a copy of the commitment letter in hand from my sisters' lawyer. I left my lawyer a message Friday morning and he hasn't returned my call. There could be multiple reasons for this. I will call him again on Monday morning. If we don't have any information and he can't get any, I will call the other lawyer back and set up an appointment and meet with him.
I can't believe my sister would still try to play games after her lawyer told her to get moving on this stuff or find a new lawyer. Oh well, I guess she's going to play games with her lawyer and see how serious she is.
All in all, I'm handling everything okay. But I'm not sure how long that will last since there is lots of frustration and anger. So far I've been managing to keep myself busy and not dwell on things. How long can that last?
Saturday, April 24, 2004
Would you believe - the start of good news
My lawyer called yesterday at about 5:30 pm. He thought he would make my weekend just a little nicer.
The bitch's lawyer called him yesterday to let him know that she had a commitment from the Credit Union for the money. I don't know what type of loan she has taken out and I don't really care as long as I get the amount that we proposed to them since they never came back to say they did not agree with it. We have asked for proof of the committment, as her own lawyer has.
It seems that her lawyer has finally wised up with her and told her that if she didn't get moving and do something, she would have to find a new lawyer. I have to admit, I'm surprised that she didn't do this way before this time. At least her lawyer has finally seen her for what/who she is.
We are hoping to hear something by the end of the week but, I'm actually hoping that we hear something sooner. She must have a written committment on the loan/mortgage that all she really needs to do is get her ass to the lawyers office so they can make a copy. We also would like to see if we can find out a time frame as to when all the different steps will happen. So, we just may be able to avoid court after all. It will be interesting to see if she actually has taken out the loan for the amount that we requested. I will not walk out of the "closing" with a check for less then the price that we offerec.
I will keep you posted on what is happening...
The bitch's lawyer called him yesterday to let him know that she had a commitment from the Credit Union for the money. I don't know what type of loan she has taken out and I don't really care as long as I get the amount that we proposed to them since they never came back to say they did not agree with it. We have asked for proof of the committment, as her own lawyer has.
It seems that her lawyer has finally wised up with her and told her that if she didn't get moving and do something, she would have to find a new lawyer. I have to admit, I'm surprised that she didn't do this way before this time. At least her lawyer has finally seen her for what/who she is.
We are hoping to hear something by the end of the week but, I'm actually hoping that we hear something sooner. She must have a written committment on the loan/mortgage that all she really needs to do is get her ass to the lawyers office so they can make a copy. We also would like to see if we can find out a time frame as to when all the different steps will happen. So, we just may be able to avoid court after all. It will be interesting to see if she actually has taken out the loan for the amount that we requested. I will not walk out of the "closing" with a check for less then the price that we offerec.
I will keep you posted on what is happening...
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
Deadline - come and gone
As most of you could have guessed, the deadline for my sister to contact us with either proof of having financing or an agreement to sell the house has passed without a word. My lawyer faxed a letter to her lawyer yesterday as a reminder but has yet to receive a response to that.
My lawyer recommended a lawyer to handle the litigation, who happens to be in Bloomfield but he is on vacation this week. I left a message. This gives the bitch an extra week but she doesn't know it. I know it won't make a difference but it gives her lawyer time to make up some excuse as to why they didn't make the deadline and I can't wait for to see what she comes up with.
Needless to say I'm really pissed right now. We all know I don't do waiting well and that is all I can do at the moment unless my sisters lawyer, by some miracle, happens to get in touch with my lawyer in the next couple of days.
It just seems really stupid to me that any lawyer would allow a client to let something go to court when there are better options. I know my "sister" is stubborn, controlling and manipulating but, it is not in her best interest to let this go to court. If the lawyer can't handle my "sister" then maybe she should reconsider handling the case.
Oh well...me and my anger are going to have something to eat.
My lawyer recommended a lawyer to handle the litigation, who happens to be in Bloomfield but he is on vacation this week. I left a message. This gives the bitch an extra week but she doesn't know it. I know it won't make a difference but it gives her lawyer time to make up some excuse as to why they didn't make the deadline and I can't wait for to see what she comes up with.
Needless to say I'm really pissed right now. We all know I don't do waiting well and that is all I can do at the moment unless my sisters lawyer, by some miracle, happens to get in touch with my lawyer in the next couple of days.
It just seems really stupid to me that any lawyer would allow a client to let something go to court when there are better options. I know my "sister" is stubborn, controlling and manipulating but, it is not in her best interest to let this go to court. If the lawyer can't handle my "sister" then maybe she should reconsider handling the case.
Oh well...me and my anger are going to have something to eat.
Sunday, April 11, 2004
Just an Update
It's been awhile since I've provided an update to everything going on in my life. So, I thought it was time.
The Continuing Saga...
The Bitch has one more week to either show proof that she has financing or sign an agreement to sell the house. If either of those 2 things don't happen, it's time to start the court process. Something that I'm not going to be very happy about doing at all. I know that they will wait until the last minute to contact us with any information that they have - that is the way that they do things. I am also sure that they will try to feed us a line of bull shit. The Bitch's lawyer has already done that before. I don't fall for it. Even though I haven't had contact with my "sister" for a long time, I know how she is and her lawyer can't play these games with me. So, as the week drags on, the stress is just going to build until I hear something, which doesn't seem promising to me.
For those of you who know that my shrink and I tried to decrease my Seroquel:
Things haven't been going that well. My urges have increased, I have been more self critical and my reactions to different situations happen faster then I can use my cognitive skills to get out of them. Once I fall into the negative spot, it is that much harder for me to get out of those spots.
Even though I have been having a hard time, I have been against increasing my Seroquel back to the regular dose. I want off the med at some point and if we can't decrease it just a little, then how will I ever get off it.
Well, after much discussion with my backup therapist and with the group, and the struggle inside, I talked with my shrink and agreed to go back to my regular dose.
There is a new med, Abilify that we will talk about switching to the next time I see him. I'm leary about switching because of the reaction I had with Geodon. But, this new med is once a day, and can have the added benefit of being able to lose weight.
With today being Easter, I haven't decided yet what I'm going to do. I have places I can go, I'm just not sure I want to go anywhere. I know that sitting home is not the best thing for me but is being around a bunch of people something I'm up to? I don't know and I won't really know unless I try it. Its been awhile since I've been out to Mom and Dad's and it would be nice to see them but the drive is long and I seem to get tired easier these days. There are things I can do around the house to keep myself busy. I will decide something this morning what I'm actually going to do.
Things with Robert and I are going okay. We had a few bumps in the road but those have been cleared up. It doesn't help that he is working 12 hour shifts, 6 days a week. It doesn't give us much time together. When he gets off work, he sleeps all day until it is time for him to go to work.
We are still working on trying to find him a different job. He doesn't mind working third shift, first shift is okay but, 2nd shift is his last choice.
The Continuing Saga...
The Bitch has one more week to either show proof that she has financing or sign an agreement to sell the house. If either of those 2 things don't happen, it's time to start the court process. Something that I'm not going to be very happy about doing at all. I know that they will wait until the last minute to contact us with any information that they have - that is the way that they do things. I am also sure that they will try to feed us a line of bull shit. The Bitch's lawyer has already done that before. I don't fall for it. Even though I haven't had contact with my "sister" for a long time, I know how she is and her lawyer can't play these games with me. So, as the week drags on, the stress is just going to build until I hear something, which doesn't seem promising to me.
For those of you who know that my shrink and I tried to decrease my Seroquel:
Things haven't been going that well. My urges have increased, I have been more self critical and my reactions to different situations happen faster then I can use my cognitive skills to get out of them. Once I fall into the negative spot, it is that much harder for me to get out of those spots.
Even though I have been having a hard time, I have been against increasing my Seroquel back to the regular dose. I want off the med at some point and if we can't decrease it just a little, then how will I ever get off it.
Well, after much discussion with my backup therapist and with the group, and the struggle inside, I talked with my shrink and agreed to go back to my regular dose.
There is a new med, Abilify that we will talk about switching to the next time I see him. I'm leary about switching because of the reaction I had with Geodon. But, this new med is once a day, and can have the added benefit of being able to lose weight.
With today being Easter, I haven't decided yet what I'm going to do. I have places I can go, I'm just not sure I want to go anywhere. I know that sitting home is not the best thing for me but is being around a bunch of people something I'm up to? I don't know and I won't really know unless I try it. Its been awhile since I've been out to Mom and Dad's and it would be nice to see them but the drive is long and I seem to get tired easier these days. There are things I can do around the house to keep myself busy. I will decide something this morning what I'm actually going to do.
Things with Robert and I are going okay. We had a few bumps in the road but those have been cleared up. It doesn't help that he is working 12 hour shifts, 6 days a week. It doesn't give us much time together. When he gets off work, he sleeps all day until it is time for him to go to work.
We are still working on trying to find him a different job. He doesn't mind working third shift, first shift is okay but, 2nd shift is his last choice.
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
The Saga Continues
I met with my lawyer today after work to discuss what the next step(s) are. Yesterday he sent a fax the the Bitch's lawyer letting her know we were going to meet to discuss a partition action (similar to a foreclosure) and if they had made any headway. He received a fax back letting him know that my "sister" had applied for a mortgage and would know something in 2 weeks. For those who know my sister, she is still working nights and the lawyer gave the excuse that working nights makes it hard for her to get things done during the day. That has never stopped her before. BTW - the attorney has been practicing law on her own for less then a year, so I guess my "sister" has gotten her wrapped around her little finger.
I find it funny that her attorney is getting annoyed with my attorney who keeps faxing her letters and calling. We all know that the attorney will never get any control over her client but she should at least try to instill in the bitch the importance of getting this done.
Okay - so what are we planning on doing?
My attorney will be faxing a letter (probably on Monday) to the bitch's attorney with the following information:
Since we are pretty sure that the financing isn't going to take place (or something to that sort)
we are proposing that we agree to sell and sign an agreement or my "sister" does come up
with the financing my April 15th or we will start the Partition Action.
If my "sister" doesn't follow through I have to be ready to start the court process, there is no
backing out of it. We have to show we mean business.
My attorney wanted to give them 30 days and I told him I would rather 15 since they would use all the time that we gave them and they have had enough already. So, we compromised on April 15th. I hate the thought of starting the court process since that alone can cost me over a thousand dollars but if that is what I have to do in order to make her get off her ass I will.
I am hoping having such a short deadline to get things done will make her move. My attorney, in his letter, is going to say something about going to court being a lose - lose situation. I can't imagine that my "sister" would want to move. Not that I care but, she has a lot more to lose then I do but, that is her choice if she doesn't decide to follow through on what she is suppose to.
So, as of Monday when the letter gets faxed, the count down to April 15th starts. I don't know what day of the week that falls on but I need to be ready to go meet with an attorney down in Windham as close to that date as possible if we don't hear anything.
In the meantime, I am struggling with my urges. All sorts of anger is surfacing and I don't like it.
I don't like the bitch having control and I'm doing what I can to take it away. Which brings up a whole different set of feelings since I am going against everything I've ever done which is back done from the bitch.
If anything new comes up, I'll post....and the saga goes on...
I find it funny that her attorney is getting annoyed with my attorney who keeps faxing her letters and calling. We all know that the attorney will never get any control over her client but she should at least try to instill in the bitch the importance of getting this done.
Okay - so what are we planning on doing?
My attorney will be faxing a letter (probably on Monday) to the bitch's attorney with the following information:
Since we are pretty sure that the financing isn't going to take place (or something to that sort)
we are proposing that we agree to sell and sign an agreement or my "sister" does come up
with the financing my April 15th or we will start the Partition Action.
If my "sister" doesn't follow through I have to be ready to start the court process, there is no
backing out of it. We have to show we mean business.
My attorney wanted to give them 30 days and I told him I would rather 15 since they would use all the time that we gave them and they have had enough already. So, we compromised on April 15th. I hate the thought of starting the court process since that alone can cost me over a thousand dollars but if that is what I have to do in order to make her get off her ass I will.
I am hoping having such a short deadline to get things done will make her move. My attorney, in his letter, is going to say something about going to court being a lose - lose situation. I can't imagine that my "sister" would want to move. Not that I care but, she has a lot more to lose then I do but, that is her choice if she doesn't decide to follow through on what she is suppose to.
So, as of Monday when the letter gets faxed, the count down to April 15th starts. I don't know what day of the week that falls on but I need to be ready to go meet with an attorney down in Windham as close to that date as possible if we don't hear anything.
In the meantime, I am struggling with my urges. All sorts of anger is surfacing and I don't like it.
I don't like the bitch having control and I'm doing what I can to take it away. Which brings up a whole different set of feelings since I am going against everything I've ever done which is back done from the bitch.
If anything new comes up, I'll post....and the saga goes on...
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
Delima
First a quick update on what is happening with my sister - nothing! How's that for quick? I called my lawyer this morning and they haven't heard anything since last week. He is also reading between the lines and figures that they must be going ahead and getting the loan. It would be nice to know where it all stands but as my lawyer reminded me - they seem to be working on their own time table. Of course I always have the option of taking the bitch to course but we've come this far and it just doesn't make sense to do that.
Any way I knew when my father called a couple of weeks ago to tell me about my uncle he would start to initiate more contact with me. He hasn't sent me b-day cards in a few years. Today I got one in the mail and I don't know if I want to open it or not. I can't stand those cards that are all mushy. Full of how much he loves me, blah, blah, blah. He blew it a long time ago and proved a few years back that he still can't be in touch with his feelings or understand mine. The cards just seem so false to me.
So, I sit here wondering what to do with the card. Do I open it and get pissed at him for sending it but get a chance to make sure there is nothing written inside that I might be interested in. There are just a couple of relatives that I care about.
Do I just toss it out without opening it? Do I bring it to therapy and have Pam open it or I can open it there?
I'm pretty sure that I can't open it while I'm alone. Just know it is from him has upset me and I hate that. I hate that he can still get to me and cause a reaction. For someone who hasn't been a part of my for a very long time, why the hell does he have such an affect on my life?
Why can't I let go of these feelings and not let him get to me? He shouldn't have this much control over me. He didn't give a damn back then and I've gotten to where I am today without him being a part of my life - why can't I go on and not let him get to me? Why does it hit me so hard whenever he enters into my life - in his own way?
Any way I knew when my father called a couple of weeks ago to tell me about my uncle he would start to initiate more contact with me. He hasn't sent me b-day cards in a few years. Today I got one in the mail and I don't know if I want to open it or not. I can't stand those cards that are all mushy. Full of how much he loves me, blah, blah, blah. He blew it a long time ago and proved a few years back that he still can't be in touch with his feelings or understand mine. The cards just seem so false to me.
So, I sit here wondering what to do with the card. Do I open it and get pissed at him for sending it but get a chance to make sure there is nothing written inside that I might be interested in. There are just a couple of relatives that I care about.
Do I just toss it out without opening it? Do I bring it to therapy and have Pam open it or I can open it there?
I'm pretty sure that I can't open it while I'm alone. Just know it is from him has upset me and I hate that. I hate that he can still get to me and cause a reaction. For someone who hasn't been a part of my for a very long time, why the hell does he have such an affect on my life?
Why can't I let go of these feelings and not let him get to me? He shouldn't have this much control over me. He didn't give a damn back then and I've gotten to where I am today without him being a part of my life - why can't I go on and not let him get to me? Why does it hit me so hard whenever he enters into my life - in his own way?
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
The latest EXCUSE
My lawyers office called today and they finally heard from my sisters' lawyer. It only took 2 weeks for her to return his call.
Anyway - the latest excuse for things being held up is: My sisters' lawyer is waiting to hear from my sister with the last name of someone that she wants to give $10,000 to. Yes, that is what my lawyers office told me. Seems like her credit must not be as bad as she indicated a year ago.
I hate to assume because we all know what that does but since we haven't heard any different - they must be accepting the offer we presented them with since they haven't come back with a counter offer. I also need to assume that she is in the process or has already applied for a loan if her lawyer is collecting a list of who is going to get money. It will be interesting to see how all this plays out. I better be getting the amount we offered or whatever work they have done is useless (not that it is my problem). I would love to find out how much money she is actually getting from the bank and how much she is keeping for herself. Who knows, maybe I will if I get a chance to glance at the paperwork. If all this is almost set I would like to know since I am going to have to take time off from work to go down and sign the paperwork.
My one condition on going down to sign the paperwork will be that my sister not be present and preferably not even know when I will be going down. I don't want to run into her. Once everything is signed and I have a check in hand, I no longer have to deal with her. YEAH!!!!!
It will be the best news I've gotten in a long time. So, the waiting goes on for a little while longer but if the bank is waiting for any information, she can't take too long to respond because the bank will not put up with it.
And the saga continues....
Anyway - the latest excuse for things being held up is: My sisters' lawyer is waiting to hear from my sister with the last name of someone that she wants to give $10,000 to. Yes, that is what my lawyers office told me. Seems like her credit must not be as bad as she indicated a year ago.
I hate to assume because we all know what that does but since we haven't heard any different - they must be accepting the offer we presented them with since they haven't come back with a counter offer. I also need to assume that she is in the process or has already applied for a loan if her lawyer is collecting a list of who is going to get money. It will be interesting to see how all this plays out. I better be getting the amount we offered or whatever work they have done is useless (not that it is my problem). I would love to find out how much money she is actually getting from the bank and how much she is keeping for herself. Who knows, maybe I will if I get a chance to glance at the paperwork. If all this is almost set I would like to know since I am going to have to take time off from work to go down and sign the paperwork.
My one condition on going down to sign the paperwork will be that my sister not be present and preferably not even know when I will be going down. I don't want to run into her. Once everything is signed and I have a check in hand, I no longer have to deal with her. YEAH!!!!!
It will be the best news I've gotten in a long time. So, the waiting goes on for a little while longer but if the bank is waiting for any information, she can't take too long to respond because the bank will not put up with it.
And the saga continues....
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
Stupidity 101 - Part 2
Just so you all don't think I'm the only one that does really stupid things that can't be explained, here's another story I would like to share. I'm not going to name the person, that wouldn't be nice.
Person A had been running errands with her mother and stopped at the store. Now keep in mind that her mother is sitting in the passenger seat and does not drive. When Person A came out of the store, having bought nothing: she looked at the car next to hers, opened the back door and sat in the back seat. Her mother looked at her and Person A said, she had no idea why she was sitting there. Her mother thought she opened the back door to put stuff in the back seat.
Something not quiet so bad: someone I know in the past week or so has worn their glasses or socks into the shower a number of times.
It must be something in the air that is making us forget to do what we are really suppose to be doing. There is no other way to explain it.
Person A had been running errands with her mother and stopped at the store. Now keep in mind that her mother is sitting in the passenger seat and does not drive. When Person A came out of the store, having bought nothing: she looked at the car next to hers, opened the back door and sat in the back seat. Her mother looked at her and Person A said, she had no idea why she was sitting there. Her mother thought she opened the back door to put stuff in the back seat.
Something not quiet so bad: someone I know in the past week or so has worn their glasses or socks into the shower a number of times.
It must be something in the air that is making us forget to do what we are really suppose to be doing. There is no other way to explain it.
Thursday, February 19, 2004
Back From My Mini-Vacation
I came home yesterday from my mini vacation totally exhausted but I had a great time.
On Sunday we went to Atlantic City for about 4 hours and then we out to eat at Big Ed's. Great BBQ rib place. All you can eat ribs.
On Monday, Sharon and I planned a route to go looking for Lighthouses. I like lighthouses and she likes taking pictures so it works out well. We had a wonderful time acting silly and everything. We stop at 4 lighthouses. We even had a police escort to one of them. We asked for direction, and the cop said, "follow me".
Pictures will follow. I have to have mine deveoped and Sharon is going to create me a CD of the pictures she took.
On Tuesday, Sharon and I went to Hershey. If you are a choc-a-holic, this is the place for you. Chocolate everything. We didn't do any of the shows but they have a 3-D show. Can you image having Chocolate bars coming at you in 3D? I don't know - I think I would have dreams about that. After going to Hershey, we decided to go to Philly so Sharon could go to the Hard Rock Cafe and get a shirt and get a shot glass for Julie. We stopped at a little store on our way and a the guy there told us a different way to go then what we had planned.
When we made it to Philly and then to Market Street, which by the way has a building in the middle of it - we did find the Hard Rock Cafe.
We left at 10 in the morning and didn't get back to Julie's until a little after 8pm.
We came home yesterday and I was exhausted but it was a good exhausted. I'm not use to being on the go like that. But, alas, it's back to work but only for 2 days.
On Sunday we went to Atlantic City for about 4 hours and then we out to eat at Big Ed's. Great BBQ rib place. All you can eat ribs.
On Monday, Sharon and I planned a route to go looking for Lighthouses. I like lighthouses and she likes taking pictures so it works out well. We had a wonderful time acting silly and everything. We stop at 4 lighthouses. We even had a police escort to one of them. We asked for direction, and the cop said, "follow me".
Pictures will follow. I have to have mine deveoped and Sharon is going to create me a CD of the pictures she took.
On Tuesday, Sharon and I went to Hershey. If you are a choc-a-holic, this is the place for you. Chocolate everything. We didn't do any of the shows but they have a 3-D show. Can you image having Chocolate bars coming at you in 3D? I don't know - I think I would have dreams about that. After going to Hershey, we decided to go to Philly so Sharon could go to the Hard Rock Cafe and get a shirt and get a shot glass for Julie. We stopped at a little store on our way and a the guy there told us a different way to go then what we had planned.
When we made it to Philly and then to Market Street, which by the way has a building in the middle of it - we did find the Hard Rock Cafe.
We left at 10 in the morning and didn't get back to Julie's until a little after 8pm.
We came home yesterday and I was exhausted but it was a good exhausted. I'm not use to being on the go like that. But, alas, it's back to work but only for 2 days.
Sunday, February 15, 2004
Stupidity 101
Can any of you beat this for stupid things "I" have done?
I was getting ready to leave on Saturday afternoon/early evening to go to Sharon's and then we were headed to NJ to spend a few days with Julie.
I was running behind schedule and not being fully focused on what I was doing (making sure I had everything I needed and thinking out some things that Robert and I talked about) when I got into the car to leave I didn't close the door. Now, most of us when we get in the car, automatically close the door and never give it a second thought. Well, I never did give a second thought to closing the car door but the problem is, I never did close it. I started to back out of the garage when the car stop aburptly (sp). The door, leaving a hole in the garage wall.
Now - is there anyone out there that can beat this stupid act?
I was getting ready to leave on Saturday afternoon/early evening to go to Sharon's and then we were headed to NJ to spend a few days with Julie.
I was running behind schedule and not being fully focused on what I was doing (making sure I had everything I needed and thinking out some things that Robert and I talked about) when I got into the car to leave I didn't close the door. Now, most of us when we get in the car, automatically close the door and never give it a second thought. Well, I never did give a second thought to closing the car door but the problem is, I never did close it. I started to back out of the garage when the car stop aburptly (sp). The door, leaving a hole in the garage wall.
Now - is there anyone out there that can beat this stupid act?
Thursday, February 05, 2004
What I realized tonight
I was making some notes befoe therapy tonight and realized that despite or because of all the crap that has happened in my life, I'm who I am today. I am most likely a much stronger person then I would ever have been if I didn't need to go through this healing process. Not that I wish this upon anyone but throughout the years I have struggled to rebuild my life and I can honestly say that I am happy for the first time in I don't know how long. I am in love with a very caring and understanding guy. I think I am really in love for the very first time - this feels so much different then when I was married the first time and thought I was in love. I probably was in love, just in a different way.
It is so different to have a connection with someone, to be able to talk to someone about anything, to know that someone really cares about you and is concerned. It's hard to really explain that really good feeling that I have inside - but it's there and I don't want to lose it.
It is so different to have a connection with someone, to be able to talk to someone about anything, to know that someone really cares about you and is concerned. It's hard to really explain that really good feeling that I have inside - but it's there and I don't want to lose it.
Sunday, February 01, 2004
Trust and Courage
I sucked up all the courage I had yesterday, after many hours of internal struggle, and gave Robert my razor blade. It was one of the hardest things I had to do. In a way it was giving up a safety net. Not that I was going to use it, but it was always there. I knew if things ever got really bad, I could turn to it. I wasn't suppose to but I could and deal with the consequences later.
I decided that what I needed to do was to hand it over to Robert. He knows about my past, he knows about my issues with drinking and cutting. It's up to me to tell him when I'm having a hard time and when I need more help. He might not be the right one to help me but he needs to know.
I also told him he could keep beer in the house but he doesn't want to tempt me. Again, it is really up to me to let him know when I'm having a hard time.
I decided that what I needed to do was to hand it over to Robert. He knows about my past, he knows about my issues with drinking and cutting. It's up to me to tell him when I'm having a hard time and when I need more help. He might not be the right one to help me but he needs to know.
I also told him he could keep beer in the house but he doesn't want to tempt me. Again, it is really up to me to let him know when I'm having a hard time.
Monday, January 26, 2004
The Washing Machine Caper
I started my laundry yesterday, just like any other Sunday but, shortly there after the washing machine started to make this terrible noise (somewhat like when it's out of balance). Knowing that it shouldn't be out of balance based on what I had in the washer, I went to check it out. What I found was the clothes just spinning around instead of aggitating like they should. I speard the clothes out and started the washer again and guess what....it happened again. I had to put up with that horrid noise threw a total of 3 loads of laundry. I had to get it done, there was no choice.
Needless to say, today after work, after dropping the appraisal report off at my lawyers, I went and bought a new Washing Machine. It will be here on Saturday sometime (I'll know better as to when Friday night). Now all I have to do is make sure there is enough room in the basement for them to move the washing machines around and also make sure the driveway is cleared of snow since we are expecting SNOW this week.
And BTW, the Cleaning elf came to my house today and took care of all those things I didn't get done this weekend. So, I guess it's all in who you know if the elves show up or not.
Needless to say, today after work, after dropping the appraisal report off at my lawyers, I went and bought a new Washing Machine. It will be here on Saturday sometime (I'll know better as to when Friday night). Now all I have to do is make sure there is enough room in the basement for them to move the washing machines around and also make sure the driveway is cleared of snow since we are expecting SNOW this week.
And BTW, the Cleaning elf came to my house today and took care of all those things I didn't get done this weekend. So, I guess it's all in who you know if the elves show up or not.
Friday, January 23, 2004
Appraisal Report
I received my appraisal report yesterday by fax and received the hard copy today.
I'm very happy with the professionalism with the place that I used. The appraisal was done on Tuesday and the appraiser had a question and the report was completed yesterday.
The appraisal I received was $11,000 more then the one done by my sister. This one also included the items that I indicated as missing from the first report. My opinion is that we use the report that I received and present it to my sisters lawyer. I don't know what they will say but based on the fact that this is more thorough, I feel this is the better one to use. I still need to discuss this with my lawyer.
We are going to have to give my sister a certain amount of time to accept or decline the amount and then a certain amount of time to obtain an approval for a loan. I will also want to see proof that she has been approved or denied the loan. I will not take her word on any of this.
Things in my life are going good right now.
I'm very happy with the professionalism with the place that I used. The appraisal was done on Tuesday and the appraiser had a question and the report was completed yesterday.
The appraisal I received was $11,000 more then the one done by my sister. This one also included the items that I indicated as missing from the first report. My opinion is that we use the report that I received and present it to my sisters lawyer. I don't know what they will say but based on the fact that this is more thorough, I feel this is the better one to use. I still need to discuss this with my lawyer.
We are going to have to give my sister a certain amount of time to accept or decline the amount and then a certain amount of time to obtain an approval for a loan. I will also want to see proof that she has been approved or denied the loan. I will not take her word on any of this.
Things in my life are going good right now.
Saturday, January 17, 2004
Just an update
Things have calmed down a bit in my life for right now.
Robert and I have been talking a lot and taking things slowly. We are going to really give this relationship thing a try. Robert is committed to staying here and he is the one I really want to be with. He is not pushing me to make any decisions that I'm not ready to make and we both know that making a relationship work, will take work from both of us.
Ray is not taking this too well. As in, he just doesn't understand how this could have happened so quickly. I've told him this is someone that I've known for a long time and we probably should have tried a serious relationship a long time ago. He keeps thinking that he was just a fill in for Robert and maybe in a way he was but, I had no idea what was going on with Robert. The other thing was, Ray and I had a purely physical relationship.
There are too many things that I can come up with that makes up non-relationship material. He doesn't take me seriously when I try to tell him what some of these things are. He says he hears me, but he obviously doesn't listen.
Ray still thinks that we are going to have sex even though I am committed to building a relationship with Robert. It just isn't going to happen. He is only fooling himself.
The appraisal on the house is being done on Tuesday and I should have the report on Wednesday or Thursday by fax and they will also mail me a hard copy. I'll have to review this wilth my lawyer and then make an offer to my sister for an amount that is acceptable to buy me out. We may need to go back and forth a little but if we can't come to an agreement, the only option left will be court. Something I'm not looking forward to at all. It is in everyone's best interest to come to an agreement on an amount and to stay out of court.
I think I'm all caught up on what is currently happening in my life or at least what is most important right now. I know there are other things that need to be addressed but they seem to be on the back burner right now.
Robert and I have been talking a lot and taking things slowly. We are going to really give this relationship thing a try. Robert is committed to staying here and he is the one I really want to be with. He is not pushing me to make any decisions that I'm not ready to make and we both know that making a relationship work, will take work from both of us.
Ray is not taking this too well. As in, he just doesn't understand how this could have happened so quickly. I've told him this is someone that I've known for a long time and we probably should have tried a serious relationship a long time ago. He keeps thinking that he was just a fill in for Robert and maybe in a way he was but, I had no idea what was going on with Robert. The other thing was, Ray and I had a purely physical relationship.
There are too many things that I can come up with that makes up non-relationship material. He doesn't take me seriously when I try to tell him what some of these things are. He says he hears me, but he obviously doesn't listen.
Ray still thinks that we are going to have sex even though I am committed to building a relationship with Robert. It just isn't going to happen. He is only fooling himself.
The appraisal on the house is being done on Tuesday and I should have the report on Wednesday or Thursday by fax and they will also mail me a hard copy. I'll have to review this wilth my lawyer and then make an offer to my sister for an amount that is acceptable to buy me out. We may need to go back and forth a little but if we can't come to an agreement, the only option left will be court. Something I'm not looking forward to at all. It is in everyone's best interest to come to an agreement on an amount and to stay out of court.
I think I'm all caught up on what is currently happening in my life or at least what is most important right now. I know there are other things that need to be addressed but they seem to be on the back burner right now.
Sunday, January 11, 2004
Current Happenings
I'm pretty stressed out these days with things that are going on in my life but, that doesn't seem to be anything new. I seem to be running in a stressed out state lately. I hoping that it ends someday soon.
I have adjusted to the new medication and I'm no longer bouncing off the walls and for the most part I'm sleeping fairly well. It's too soon to tell if it's really working or not. In about 6 weeks I'll have to go for a blood test to have my TSH level tested to see if it has dropped.
I talked with my lawyer and it was decided that the best thing for me to do at this point was to have my own appraisal done. So, I'm sucking it up and spending the money. The appraiser who will be doing the job has been on vacation and will contact my sister to get into the house either Monday or Tuesday and the appraisal should take place the early part of next week.
I also called the assessor of the town to question the differences that I know about the house and what was on their web site. She explained to me what they had on their records and let me know that the web site was wrong. They are going to send an inspector out to the house to ensure that their records are correct.
My only consellation in all of this, is I'm sure that my sister is or will be really pissed that these 2 things will be happening and there is no way she can refuse them entrance. She has or had no idea that I am taking steps to have these done. I am waiting for her to call me and complain or she might call her lawyer who in turn will call my lawyer. Since my name is on the deed, there is nothing she can do about it.
I had a dream on Thursday night about this and my sister was in it. I woke up Friday morning shaking. That's not a good thing.
Now for my personal life which seems to get more complicated ever so often. Robert called me Friday night to tell me he is back from Jamaica. I guess he figured I must have found out that he went there from his brother. We only talked for a couple of minutes. He said there are things we need to talk about. And he is right. I will give him a chance to explain what is going on and why he left like he did. I'm not sure how I'll handle it and I'm not sure what will come out of it. I know I'm a little scared of letting myself get close to him yet again - though I don't think I ever really let go, just pushed the feelings away. My past says that people who say they care or should care end up hurting me. That is not always true, I have some very good friends who have been there for me through thick and thin but, it's hard for me not to expect to be hurt.
I'm not sure how Ray will handle things if Robert and I do get back together. Ray and I are just friends. He keeps reminding me to not let my feelings get involved. That's pretty easy to do at this point. If I let my feelings get involved, then I can end up getting hurt and I don't want that. But on the other hand, when I don't call him and I'm home alone, he wants to know why.
Last night he called to find out what I was doing and I told him just playing games. He wanted to come over. I told him that I wouldn't be able to focus on anything. That I was confused about things. He wanted to know what was going on. I told him that I wasn't ready to talk to him about things yet. It's the first time he has asked what was going on with me. The real reason he cared was because he was going to get any. I told him I needed time alone. He told me I should have at least called him to let him know that I needed that time. I try to explain to him that when I get like this, I don't call people, it doesn't matter who they are. He doesn't get it.
I'm going to have to tell Ray something at some point. I'm not sure I can be with him until Robert and I clear the air and I know what is really happening. I don't know what it is about Robert but there is something there that draws me to him. Right now I'm just confused because I don't know what is happening with Robert but I don't think I can get myself to be with Ray while Robert is back.
I've been struggling big time with my urges. Eating to much chocolate instead, which isn't much better. It's one day at a time right now. That is all I can really handle.
And the saga continues.....
I have adjusted to the new medication and I'm no longer bouncing off the walls and for the most part I'm sleeping fairly well. It's too soon to tell if it's really working or not. In about 6 weeks I'll have to go for a blood test to have my TSH level tested to see if it has dropped.
I talked with my lawyer and it was decided that the best thing for me to do at this point was to have my own appraisal done. So, I'm sucking it up and spending the money. The appraiser who will be doing the job has been on vacation and will contact my sister to get into the house either Monday or Tuesday and the appraisal should take place the early part of next week.
I also called the assessor of the town to question the differences that I know about the house and what was on their web site. She explained to me what they had on their records and let me know that the web site was wrong. They are going to send an inspector out to the house to ensure that their records are correct.
My only consellation in all of this, is I'm sure that my sister is or will be really pissed that these 2 things will be happening and there is no way she can refuse them entrance. She has or had no idea that I am taking steps to have these done. I am waiting for her to call me and complain or she might call her lawyer who in turn will call my lawyer. Since my name is on the deed, there is nothing she can do about it.
I had a dream on Thursday night about this and my sister was in it. I woke up Friday morning shaking. That's not a good thing.
Now for my personal life which seems to get more complicated ever so often. Robert called me Friday night to tell me he is back from Jamaica. I guess he figured I must have found out that he went there from his brother. We only talked for a couple of minutes. He said there are things we need to talk about. And he is right. I will give him a chance to explain what is going on and why he left like he did. I'm not sure how I'll handle it and I'm not sure what will come out of it. I know I'm a little scared of letting myself get close to him yet again - though I don't think I ever really let go, just pushed the feelings away. My past says that people who say they care or should care end up hurting me. That is not always true, I have some very good friends who have been there for me through thick and thin but, it's hard for me not to expect to be hurt.
I'm not sure how Ray will handle things if Robert and I do get back together. Ray and I are just friends. He keeps reminding me to not let my feelings get involved. That's pretty easy to do at this point. If I let my feelings get involved, then I can end up getting hurt and I don't want that. But on the other hand, when I don't call him and I'm home alone, he wants to know why.
Last night he called to find out what I was doing and I told him just playing games. He wanted to come over. I told him that I wouldn't be able to focus on anything. That I was confused about things. He wanted to know what was going on. I told him that I wasn't ready to talk to him about things yet. It's the first time he has asked what was going on with me. The real reason he cared was because he was going to get any. I told him I needed time alone. He told me I should have at least called him to let him know that I needed that time. I try to explain to him that when I get like this, I don't call people, it doesn't matter who they are. He doesn't get it.
I'm going to have to tell Ray something at some point. I'm not sure I can be with him until Robert and I clear the air and I know what is really happening. I don't know what it is about Robert but there is something there that draws me to him. Right now I'm just confused because I don't know what is happening with Robert but I don't think I can get myself to be with Ray while Robert is back.
I've been struggling big time with my urges. Eating to much chocolate instead, which isn't much better. It's one day at a time right now. That is all I can really handle.
And the saga continues.....
Saturday, January 03, 2004
Test
This is a test since my post from yesterday didn't show up. I don't know why, maybe this will help
Friday, January 02, 2004
New Medication
Everyone knows how much I enjoy taking more medication. I started the synthroid for the Hypothryroidism yesterday. Some of the side effects for this med are: headache, nervousness, trembling, sweating, increased appetite, diarrhea, weight loss and insomnia. The rare side effect for this med is some hair loss but it is only during the first few months of starting it.
Just because I can't possibly start a new medication without having some type of side effect, I have a few that I hope will clear up before the weekend ends.
The side effects that I am having are: insomnia (I slept 1 1/2 hours last night) and nervousness (I feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin most of the day). I have had some trembling in the upper part of my body. I'm going to try to wait these out since I've only taken the synthroid for 2 days.
I don't think I could go for a long period of time without getting much sleep right now. I've done that before when I wasn't so stressed out and I couldn't stand it.
Just because I can't possibly start a new medication without having some type of side effect, I have a few that I hope will clear up before the weekend ends.
The side effects that I am having are: insomnia (I slept 1 1/2 hours last night) and nervousness (I feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin most of the day). I have had some trembling in the upper part of my body. I'm going to try to wait these out since I've only taken the synthroid for 2 days.
I don't think I could go for a long period of time without getting much sleep right now. I've done that before when I wasn't so stressed out and I couldn't stand it.
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